The SmarK Rant for WWE Backlash 2023 – 05.06.23
Live from San Juan, Puerto Rico
Your hosts are Michael Cole & Corey Graves
The drone shot coming into the arena is REALLY cool and the kind of thing they should do more of. I also really like the different setup without the obnoxious Titantron and LED boards at the entrance.
RAW Women’s title: Bianca Belair v. Iyo Sky
The crowd is molten for Sky tonight for whatever reason. Maybe Io Shirai has Puerto Rican heritage we don’t know about? And Bianca is apparently the mega-heel here, so they do a silly little headlock trading sequence to test the waters and establish who the crowd is supporting. Still Sky, so they trade gymnastics and Bianca dropkicks Sky into the corner and slams her to take over. Iyo goes up and puts Belair into a straitjacket hold on the ropes before going after the arm while the crazy crowd cheers her on. Belair slams out of the hammerlock attempts by Sky, drawing huge boos, so Iyo hammerlocks her again and then runs the arm into the turnbuckle. Iyo with a nice dragon sleeper takedown into a handstand kneedrop onto the arm, but she misses a double knee into the corner and Bianca fights back. She tries a glam slam, but Iyo cradles her for two. They do the slugfest so the crowd can yay and boo, but Belair puts her down with a backbreaker and comes back with a dropkick. Belair with a delayed suplex, so delayed they should call it “all the shows on TV during the writer’s strike”, and Bianca slugs away in the corner and then puts her down with a one-armed press slam that nearly went REALLY bad thanks to an ugly face first bump from Sky. Handspring moonsault gets two.
Belair misses a blind charge and they slug it out, allowing Iyo to come back with a ropewalk wristlock and springboard missile dropkick that puts Belair on the floor. Sky goes up for a dive and Bianca knocks her down and comes in with a 450, but that misses and Sky crossfaces her. Bianca reverses out of that, but Sky channels Kidman and reverses a powerbomb into a facebuster for two. Sky with the double knees, but Bianca reverses the powerbomb attempt and rolls into a KOD. Sky escapes that and sends Belair to the floor. Belair tries a fancy handspring on the apron, but Sky nails her coming down and then follows with a moonsault and they’re both down. Back in, that gets two for Sky. They fight to the top, but Bianca sends her to the apron, so Sky fights up again and tries a top rope rana. Bianca blocks that with sheer power, and brings her down with a powerbomb for two off that. This brings out Bayley and Dakota, but Belair gets rid of them, and Sky reverses a KOD into a cradle for a hot two count. Finally Bianca goes after Bayley, but that allows Kai to lay her out with a high kick, and Sky goes up and misses the moonsault. And Bianca finishes with the KOD to retain at 18:03. The crowd was turning that match into something really special but that finish was HORRIBLE and nearly killed the molten hot crowd. ****. Still a great performance from both women otherwise, but as soon as the run-ins started I groaned.
Meanwhile, Rey Mysterio introduces CARIBBEAN LEGEND Savio Vega to Bad Bunny, who can hopefully springboard from his acting role in Bullet Train and crossover to the mainstream if the wrestling gig doesn’t work out for him. Also I think the audio was messed up on the WWE Network because it sounded like they were talking in a foreign language. Also you should watch Bullet Train, it was probably my favorite movie of 2022.
Seth Rollins v. Omos
Omos, like everyone else with any taste, is sick of hearing Seth’s stupid song and attacks him to cut off the crowd. Omos tosses Seth around and hits him with a clothesline in the corner. Seth tries a springboard and Omos swats him down and takes him to the floor. Seth manages to run him into the post, but Omos chokeslams him onto the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING. Back in the ring, Omos drops him with Snake Eyes and the big boot. Buddy, I’ve seen a lot of Kevin Nash matches, and you sir are no Kevin Nash. For one thing, you’ve never played the villain in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Rollins fights back with a high knee and dropkicks the knee to set up some kind of Pedigree, but Omos backdrops out. He charges and hits the post, however, and Seth goes up with a tornado DDT to come back, and a frog splash gets one. Seth keeps coming with a forearm shot to the back of the neck, but Omos blocks the stomp with his neck strength and chokeslams him for two. Seth tries a sleeper and gets Omos down to his knees, but he escapes with a sideslam. MVP takes the ref while Seth gets his stomp on the second try, but that only gets two. I’m not really sure why MVP was getting involved there, as it didn’t make any sense for the spot. Seth goes up with a super stomp from the top rope this time, and that’s enough for the win at 10:34. Decent by the numbers “big man v. little man” match but it didn’t have the lightning in a bottle freakshow appeal of Brock v. Omos from Wrestlemania or anything. **1/2.
US title: Austin Theory v. Bobby Lashley v. Bronson Reed
Bobby goes after both guys and tries for the full nelson on Reed, but Theory breaks it up and gets hit with a delayed suplex as a result, so delayed that they should call it “Booker T’s chicken parm order on NXT”. So Reed and Theory decide to team up on Bobby for a bit and put the boots to him in the corner until Reed turns on Theory. Bobby hits them both with chokeslams and a spear on Theory for two. I’m worried that Cole is once again trying to get stupid catchphrases like “Quiet Mayhem” over on commentary because that pretty much guarantees Vince is yelling in his ear. Reed hits Bobby with a springboard splash on the floor and nearly kills the poor bastard, but Bobby comes back with the Hurtlock on Theory in the ring. Theory pushes off the ropes to reverse for two, but Reed splashes Lashley for two. Theory rolls into a blockbuster on Reed and tries the A-Town Down, but Reed powerslams him and makes the comeback. Reed goes up and misses a moonsault and Lashley spears him, but Theory steals the pin to retain at 6:58. That was 100% a Vince finish. Fast paced and all action but nothing special otherwise, just a TV three-way. ***.
Smackdown Women’s title: Rhea Ripley v. Zelina Vega
Vega is the hometown hero with her parents at ringside and she enters draped in the country’s flag, so she’s 100% doing the job here. Vega bails and throws a flip flop at Rhea for the first big spot, and Michael is like “Those of you with Latino heritage will know what that’s all about!” Unfortunately he never explains it for those of us who don’t have Latino heritage. Back in the ring, Rhea beats on Vega in the corner and whips her into the turnbuckles a couple of times. Rhea puts her in a backbreaker and works her over with that, but then misses a charge and hits the post. Vega comes back with clotheslines, but walks into a headbutt. Rhea tries Riptide and Vega reverses to a DDT and Rhea does a wacky sell to set up a 619 and Meteora for two. But then Rhea has had enough and finishes her with the Riptide at 7:12 to retain. Basic house show match with a couple of hope spots for Vega here. **
San Juan Street Fight: Damian Priest v. Bad Bunny
Whoever does Bad Bunny’s theme song, the crowd seems to know it. Bad Bunny lives up to the Bad part of his name by bringing a cart of plunder to the ring. Priest toys with the Bunny to start, but Bunny hits a Michinoku Driver for two. So Bunny retreats and grabs some kendo sticks, but Priest runs him into the corner and breaks the stick. Hopefully that wasn’t the custom stick given by Caribbean Legend Savio Vega. Priest works the arm, but Bunny thumbs the eye and slugs away in the corner and then rolls him up for two. Priest slugs him down in the corner and follows with South of Heaven for two, but he picks up the Bunny at two. Next up, Priest grabs an axe handle while Cole makes an Elmer Fudd reference before I even can do it. It’s only funny when I do it. Bunny fights back with a chair to the face and a tornado DDT before putting Priest on the floor with a clothesline. Bunny with the crossbody off the post to the floor. “How many Grammy winners have you seen do that?” wonders Cole. I’m pretty sure Bette Midler could pull it off in her younger days. Back in the ring, Bunny beats on him with can lids and gets a Falcon Arrow for two. Él ha hecho el trato!
Back to the floor, Priest beats on him with a garbage can and they fight into the crowd and slug it out on the equipment. So Priest brings them down with a falcon arrow off the tech stage and through a table, in a tremendous spot. The refs and officials try to stop the match because poor spoiled rich Bunny took one falcon arrow through a table, but Priest wants to continue the beating and drags him back to the ring for more. But Priest misses a kick and hits the post, and Bunny makes the comeback with another kendo stick, still not the custom stick from Caribbean Legend Savio Vega sadly, and he takes out Priest’s knee. Priest declares that he is not OK, so Bunny wisely continues on the knee, wrapping it around the post and then whipping him with a chain. Next up, he finds another chair and smashes that into the knee, but Priest begs for mercy and Bunny foolishly holds up. Oh Bad Bunny, will you ever learn? And indeed, Priest gives him a sucker punch, so Bunny goes low and this brings the Judgment Day in for the beatdown. Rey Mysterio makes the save and he gets beaten down as well, but then we get the surprise cameo from Carlito and he cleans house on them. But then Dom attacks and Carlito kicks his ass and chases them off. But this brings out CARIBBEAN LEGEND SAVIO VEGA, which amuses Finn Balor, and then he has the LWO for backup as the babyfaces triumph and Savio uses his martial artistry to fight them off.
Oh yeah and there’s still a match in the ring after all that. So Priest attacks again and his knee gives out, so Bad Bunny gets the figure-four for two. Priest fights out with the chokeslam for two, but he charges and hits a chair, and Bunny hits Sliced Bread Numero Dos for two. Bunny beats on him with the chair like Steve Austin at WM17 and follows with a Bunny Destroyer for the pin at 25:00. I’d say this lived up to everything I wanted out of it and overdelivered on top of that. ****1/2. I feel like the six-man is going to have trouble following this one.
The Usos & Solo Sikoa v. Matt Riddle, Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn
Sami puts Jey down with a shoulderblock after some stalling to start, and the champs double-team Jimmie for a bit as the Bloodline thinks it over. Over to Solo and he beats on Sami in the corner while Michael Cole gives Solo a bunch of nicknames that no one has ever called him ever like he’s Eddie Vedder introducing Dewey Cox. The Bloodline works Sami over in the corner and Jimothy goes to the chinlock, but Sami fights out of that, only for Jey to cut off the tag by slamming KO’s head into the stairs. Man I wish he’d quit doing that spot. Back in the ring, the Usos continue beating on Sami and Jey gets a samoan drop for two. Sami fights back with a tornado DDT on Solo and Riddle gets a hot tag off that. He runs wild and tosses the Usos around by himself to clear the ring, and follows with a Floating Bro onto the pile outside. Back in, Jimmy gets a superkick on him for two. Riddle fights back with an overhead suplex and makes the tag to KO, who comes in with a swanton for two on Jimmy.
Jimmy escapes the stunner, but he superkicks Jey by mistake and Kevin gets the powerbomb for two. Owens tries another swanton and hits Jey’s knees, and they slug it out. They trade superkicks and everyone is down, but KO is up first and brings in Sami for the Blue Thunder Bomb for two. Sami goes up and gets caught by the Usos, but he fights them off, and then lands on a double superkick that gets two for Jey. Jey talks some trash on Sami and declares him at fault for breaking up the family, but Solo decides to tag himself in so he can finish things himself. But then Jey tags himself right back in and Sami hits Solo with the Heluva Kick to take him out. Another one on Jey gets two. Solo teases going after his own brother, but the babyfaces attack and everyone does their big moves. This almost leads to Solo hitting Jey with the spike, and that’s gonna make for an awkward dinner, but Sami cradles for two. Back to Riddle, but Jey superkicks him and Solo tags himself in again, spikes Riddle, and pins him at 22:04. Well that finish was kind of a kick in the nuts. This took a long time to get going and never really hit the level of the Wrestlemania match. It was good but it felt like Riddle and KO disappeared for minutes at a time. ***1/4. And really, ENOUGH with the damn Bloodline already.
Cody Rhodes v. Brock Lesnar
Did we ever establish why Brock attacked Cody in the first place? Cody attacks on the floor and beats on Brock with chairs before the bell, and then into the ring for a pair of disaster kicks. Brock counters with the german suplex, but Cody necks him on the top rope and goes up with a bodypress, which results in another slam from Brock. Brock puts the boots to him and takes him to Suplex City. Brock with a pair of suplexes that are anything but delayed, because Brock doesn’t work by the hour. Cody manages to pull off a turnbuckle pad while trying to escape a suplex, but then Brock notices the exposed steel and teases a bearhug before throwing Cody again instead. But Cody manages to run him into the steel and busts him open, and Brock is BLEEDING HIS OWN BLOOD. Oh man that’s not gonna work out how Cody wants it. Also that was an amazing blade from Brock, right on camera and you couldn’t even tell. Cody with the disaster kick and Cody Cutter as Cody works on the cut. Crossroads gets two. Brock comes back with the F5 for two and goes for the kimura, but Cody rolls him over for the pin at 9:42. That was a pretty interesting and different flash pin finish. The match was kind of halfway in between a standard Brock main event and a “real” match but I really liked the finish. ***1/2.
Overall this was a good and entertaining show thanks to a super hot crowd. Two great matches and a bunch of good matches make this an easy thumbs up. It overdelivered for a B show but never really hit the level of a great show.