The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide Wrestling – 03.02.91

The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide Wrestling – 03.02.91

OK, let’s switch over to these, since the Power Hour shows weren’t airing new matches anyway.

Your hosts are Gordon Solie & Tony Schiavone, who have BREAKING NEWS to start us out: The Freebirds have defeated Doom to win the WCW World tag team titles at WrestleWar 91!

Meanwhile at the Omni, Barry Windham faces Ron Simmons, which looks like it’s shot with 8mm film in 1972. The ref gets bumped and Simmons misses a charge and lands on the floor, allowing Windham to beat on him with a briefcase and then hit him with a superplex back in the ring. So Butch Reed runs in for the beatdown, but he takes a swing with his belt and hits Ron by mistake, which I’m sure would prompt Simmons to make some sort of exclamation of disbelief, and then Reed and Teddy Long turn on him and whip like the proverbial canine.

Meanwhile, Dan Spivey clarifies that wants a shot at any title and doesn’t care about taking pain as long as he gets to inflict pain himself. Seems fair.

Tommy Rich, Junkyard Dog & Ricky Morton v. Randy Starr, Bill Ford & Greg Sawyer

Although the babyfaces are the NEW World Six Man champions, they still don’t have any belts. You think AEW could field a Trios division like this one? I THINK NOT. Tony and Gordon hype the upcoming WCW/New Japan Supershow PPV, which is NOT on the WWE Network but I believe is on New Japan World. Your new champs work over the jobbers with a variety of generic offense and Dog finishes one of them with the Thump at 3:05.

Sting v. Dr. X

Sting has a sweet new jacket, but Dr. X is unimpressed and attacks him at the bell, before slugging away in the corner. Neckbreaker and he drops a knee for two. Suplex gets two. Now, is Dr. X a medical doctor, or did he just get a PhD in the language arts or something? I mean, I wouldn’t want to get a prostate exam from a guy in a wrestling mask, you know? Stinger splash and Scorpion Deathlock finishes at 2:21. Dr. X looked like he was Randy Colley under the hood, if I had to guess.

Meanwhile, Barry Windham is travelling by himself these days without the Horsemen, because now he’s a lone wolf who is going after titles himself. Kind of a sad way to just end that incarnation of the Horsemen.

The Steiner Brothers v. Keith Hart & Lou Fabiano

We get an inset promo from the Freebirds, who are pretty sure that the Steiners can’t beat them for their newly won tag team titles. Yeah about that. Scott puts Fabiano in a body vice and Rick drops an elbow off the top to put him down, so it’s over to Keith Hart. Rick hits him with an inverted powerslam out of the corner, just dropping this poor fucker on his face and then hitting him with elbows. To the top and Rick kind of suplexes him off the top, as you can see Keith deciding to jump way high in the air on his own rather than getting hurled by the maniac Steiners. And then Scott finishes him with the Frankensteiner at 2:40. Keith Hart took some impressive bumps here and I can see why people liked working with him.

The Danger Zone with special guest Ron Simmons. He got tired of Doom getting soft and eating caviar instead of cabbage, and spending money on fancy hotels instead of just looking for a bed with a ceiling over it to sleep in. So now Doom is DONE.

Tom Zenk v. Joey Maggs

Zenk works a headlock and teases a superkick, so Maggs runs away to the floor while Alexandra York joins us at ringside, taking notes on her laptop. Oh man, what if all that information she compiled was then turned into ChatGPT? And then it takes over the world and everyone has to watch Terry Taylor matches in those weird pods like in the Matrix? What would become of humanity? Zenk backdrops him out of the corner and superkicks him, then goes up and finishes with a missile dropkick at 3:35. This brings out Terry Taylor for the attack, as he uses the information compiled by York to destroy Zenk and lay him out with the Five Arm. GOD DAMN YOU TECHNOLOGY! Well except for Apple, they make pretty good stuff. BUT GOD DAMN YOU, ALL OTHER TECHNOLOGY!

US title: Lex Luger v. Sid Vicious

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a “real” match between these two. They had that one at the Clash but it was only 10 seconds long. They fight for the lockup to start and Sid puts the boots to him in the corner, but he misses a blind charge and Lex rolls him up for two. Sid sold that like an android who suddenly had its power supply shut down. We take a break and return with Luger hitting a bodypress for one, and then going to work on Sid’s arm. Sid runs him into the turnbuckles to break and chokes him out on the ropes. Powerslam gets two. Sid tosses him and follows with an axehandle from the apron as even this super-hot Georgia crowd is bored by this one. Back in the ring, and Sid gets a neckbreaker for two, but Lex makes the comeback and flexes aggressively at Sid. Oo, scary. Lex with a slam and suplex for two. They fight to the floor and Sid runs into the post and gets counted out at 9:37. So Sid lays him out and calls for the stretcher, but Lex escapes the powerbomb and sends Sid onto his own stretcher to end the show. They should have stuck with the 10 second match. 1/2*.

Eh, this show is still pretty rough. Maybe I should jump ahead to 1993 or something.