The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 03.29.23
Live from St. Louis, MO
Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Tazz
Jungle Boy Jack Perry v. Matt Perry
Matt Hardy slowly taking over the Firm from within has been a delightful undercard storyline. Matt gives him a clean break to start and goes to work on the arm, and then bails to the floor and lures Perry into a dive attempt, catching him with a Side Effect on the floor. Matt’s best friend Ethan Page tosses Perry into the crowd, but they fight back to the apron again and slug it out there. This allows Matt to hit a Side Effect on the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING, and we take a break. Back with Perry making the comeback, but Page continues interfering and Hook comes out to reunite the Jungle Hookers and chase Page to the back. This time Perry hits his dive, and gets a backslide in the ring for two. Jack dodges the Side Effect and hits a flatliner and sliding elbow to the head for the pin at 10:00. An OK opener with a hot finish. **1/2. Glad to see Matt feeling motivated again now that he’s got something to sink his teeth into.
Afterwards, MJF comes out and didn’t appreciate Jungle Boy interrupting his bar mitzvah, because “it was kind of a Kanye move”. Hey now, he watched a Jonah Hill movie and it cured his antisemitism! So MJF tells a story about giving Jack advice after their match in 2020, where he told him to stop hanging out with his loser friends. And now MJF is the World champion and Jack is still just Jungle Boy. But this just fires up Jack and he notes that he didn’t want to be a narcissistic piece of shit like Max who wakes up in the morning and hates himself. So Max goes for the dick joke and the brawl is on, but MJF runs away. Kinda feel like they’re gonna need to turn Anna Jay babyface again and put her with Jungle Boy now that they’ve dragged her name into it. This was a good promo from Perry but the whole thing felt way too long.
Meanwhile, Kenny Omega is busy getting taped up in the dressing room, and Don Callis promises to go apologize to Hangman Page for the confusion last week.
Meanwhile, 2.0 parties with the Acclaimed at the Blues game, trying to woo them into the JAS, and apparently a decision will be made next week.
Dalton Castle & The Boys v. Jon Moxley & Claudio Castagnoli & Wheeler Yuta
The BCC doesn’t even let Dalton do his entrance, laying him out in the aisle and destroying Boys at ringside. In the ring, Claudio hurls Brandon around and hits him with a terrifying one handed chokeslam and Ricola Bomb at 0:46. Well that was a huge disappointment. I really wish they’d use Dalton Castle for something more than this role if he’s under contract.
Meanwhile, Don Callis goes to apologize to Hangman, but the BCC attacks and takes out Page. And Callis, so obviously they’re not working together, right?
IWGP US title: Kenny Omega v. Jeff Cobb
Kenny grabs a headlock on Cobb and that’s a bad idea because he can’t move the guy. Cobb blocks a slam attempt, but Kenny takes him down with a rana and sends him to the floor for the Terminator Dive. Back with the face crusher, but he tries a slam and Cobb falls on top and then follows with a running brainbuster. They fight to the floor and trade chops out there, and Cobb runs him into the post as we take a break. Back with Kenny fighting out of a bearhug, but Cobb puts him down with a spinning backdrop suplex. Kenny lands on his feet to escape a suplex and fights back with a running knee for two. Cobb blocks the V-Trigger with a dropkick, but Kenny hits him with a pair of snapdragons, only for Cobb to pop up with a lariat and put him down again. They slug it out and Cobb hits him in the taped ribs to win that, and follows with a corner splash. They fight to the top and Cobb hits him with a delayed superplex, so delayed they should call it Beyond Good and Evil 2, and that gets two. Standing moonsault gets two. Cobb with his own V-Trigger and he gets cocky and tries a One Winged Angel, but Kenny reverses out and hits his own V-Trigger and then somehow finishes with a One Winged Angel on King Kong at 14:20. Took a bit but this one turned into an amazing story with Kenny fighting from underneath and having to figure out the monster. ****
Afterwards, the BCC hits the ring again with Kenny wounded and the Bucks both injured, but Bryan Danielson comes out to make the save and chase away his former team. But of course he’s as evil as they are and quickly turns on Kenny because violence is more fun. Oh man BCC v. Elite is going to be the most epic Blood and Guts blowoff ever. Also Bryan going from the biggest babyface underdog in the World title match to shitheel asshole here shows why he’s so great.
Meanwhile, the Gunns agree that next week it’s Top Guys Out.
AEW International title: Orange Cassidy v. The Butcher
Blade attacks before the bell and tries to use a crowbar on Orange, but the ref tosses him out of the match. So Orange goes for the punch immediately and then hits the kicks, but Butcher isn’t playing and slugs him down. Orange goes up and Butcher catches him and drops him on the top turnbuckle and follows with a backbreaker. They head to the floor and Butcher smashes Orange into the railings as we take a break. Back with Butcher getting two in the ring and he goes to a cloverleaf. Orange rolls out of it and rakes the eyes, but misses the Orange Punch and Butcher lays him out with a backbreaker again. Orange finally fights back with the DDT for two and a diving DDT gets two. Butcher takes the ref and the Blade returns with the crowbar again, and Butcher gets the backbreaker for two off that. So this time the Best Friends take out the Blade, and the Orange Punch and Beach Break finish at 8:00. But the story of Orange getting worn down week after week continues. Match was decent but never really got going. **1/2.
Meanwhile, Jade Cargill is ready to sue Taya Valkyrie if she continues using her move.
Willow Nightingale v. Ruby Soho
Ruby gets a cheapshot and immediately tries for the riot kick, but Willow counters her into a sideslam and splash for two. Willow with slams and chops in the corner, but Ruby chokes her out on the ropes and Saraya gets some cheapshots to take over. We take a break and return with Willow making a comeback with a spinebuster for two. Ruby goes up and Willow brings her down with a death valley driver for two. But then Toni Storm interferes and Ruby hits a riot kick for two. Willow backslides her for two and pounces her to make the comeback, but the Outcasts interfere again and Ruby rolls her up for the pin at 8:38. Below average match with the same endless interference we always get from these women. *1/2. They go for the beatdown again, but Riho and Skye Blue (whose Instagram I would heartily recommend looking up) try to save, before Jamie Hayter saves for real. This boring storyline continues on the same treadmill it’s been on for weeks.
Meanwhile, they finally have an intriguing card for a Rampage for the first time in weeks, and they’re up against the ROH PPV! Unfortunately I’m gonna have to go with the ROH show in this case, it’s insanely stacked.
Adam Cole v. Daniel Garcia
Garcia takes him down for some trashtalk and they trade headlocks, before Garcia drops him onto his head with a piledriver and we take a break. Back with Cole making a comeback with an ushigoroshi for two. They trade kicks and Garcia hits him with a german suplex, but walks into a superkick for two. Garcia with the hammer elbows and he blocks the Panama Sunrise and takes Adam down with the Dragon tamer, forcing Cole to make the ropes. Garcia with another piledriver, but Cole escapes and comes back with the Panama Sunrise and the Boom for the pin at 11:07. Just OK. **1/2. And this brings out Dr. Britt Baker DMD to celebrate with him as they officially debut as a babyface couple on TV. And then Chris Jericho retrieves Daniel from the ring and glares at Adam Cole, setting up the next thing to end the show.
And no, All Access doesn’t air in Canada, or anywhere else in the world besides the US as far as I’m aware.
This was very much a filler show before the big New York one next week and I did not get much into this one at all. Felt more like a two hour Rampage than anything.