The SmarK Rant for WCW Power Hour – 01.26.91
Your hosts are Jim Ross & Paul E. Dangerously, coming to you from somewhere likely too ashamed to reveal the location.
The Minotaur v. Keith Hart
Oh my stars and garters, I get to see STEVE DISALVO on a 1991 WCW show against a jobber named Keith Hart! I’m in meme heaven. Keith tries a missile dropkick and bounces of the Minotaur, and Minotaur drops him with a facebuster and then dangerously hurls him out of the ring. To the floor for another as this poor guy has to take more crazy bumps for this doofus, and back in the ring for a corner clothesline and legdrop from the human LJN action figure. Even Dino Bravo would say this guy is immobile. Minotaur with a clothesline and splash to finish at 2:56. This show is so wonderfully terrible and filled with Hall of Fame level bad wrestlers with bad gimmicks. It’s like Christmas for me every week.
Meanwhile, Paul is pumped for his arm wrestling match with Missy at the Clash, and he’s ready to put the female population in their place.
The Master Blasters v. Tim Parker & Scott Allen
YES! First I get a Steve DiSalvo squash and then KEVIN NASH as a rookie in 1991? Pinch me! Blade overpowers Allen and puts him down with a clothesline and press slam. Over to BIG STEEL DADDY COOL and he powerslams Parker and takes him down with a choke while JR notes that he has “a lot of rough edges as a wrestler” in a hilarious understatement. Blade comes in for a double shoulderblock to finish at 2:30 and they can barely coordinate their timing on that as it is. Tremendous. I hope this show never changes.
Rick Steiner v. Mike Samples
They now announce that the Clash has been moved to Gainesville GA, with the new main event of Ric Flair v. Scott Steiner. Samples tries for the lockup and Rick slugs him down while Paul does a dead on accurate impression of Rick. Apparently he’s never featured on the hotline because you try to interview him and he’s like “Duh, what’s 2 plus 2, I don’t know, duh.” IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE IT’S TRUE! HE DOESN’T HAVE BASIC MATH SKILLS! Oh, and then the Master Blasters come out and yell at Rick, teasing a dream match that I can’t remember if we ever got, before Rick gets bored of them just like everyone else in the wrestling world and suplexes Samples off the middle rope for the pin at 2:48.
Oh man, they’re running a contest where you can win tickets for 3 to WrestleWar 91 (street value: $5. Total) or a TOSHIBA VCR! Or a HAT. Damn, Turner really breaking the bank for this giveaway.
WRESTLING NEWS NETWORK! WITH GORDON SOLIE!
Tom Zenk is defending the TV title like a madman, but Bobby Eaton stakes his claim to the TV title by attacking on World Championshp Wrestling last week. Well given that Zenk already lost the title to Arn Anderson two weeks before this, he’d better have a time machine of some kind to pull that off. And then we’re gifted with a BOBBY EATON PROMO and I seriously don’t think I’ve ever heard him say more than 4 words before. He needs a manager of some kind. Wonder if anyone is available? So also, Gordon introduces a training montage of Missy Hyatt and Paul E. Dangerously getting ready for their arm-wrestling contest at the Clash. I will say, the punchline to that one was one of the funniest things they ever booked. Also Paul’s woman-hating incel Twitter rant in the gym feels like the kind of thing that would get a disturbing amount of followers in 2023. Gordon Solie trying to sell this wacky Memphis nonsense with a straight face is tremendous. I’m saddened that they had Lance Russell under contract at this point and didn’t have him doing all the interviews to build it up.
Meanwhile, backstage at the Meadowlands, Ric Flair and his Horsemen celebrate winning the 7th World title, and Ric randomly yells at Scott Steiner in the hallway (“HEY STEINER, YOU’RE NEXT!”) and them’s fighting words.
Brian Pillman v. James Earl Wright
Pillman works the arm to start, but Wright slugs away in the corner, only for Pillman to hit him with a monkey flip and dropkick. So Wright bails and gets yelled at by Buddy Lee Parker. Back in the ring, Pillman gets a crossbody off the ropes and goes back to the arm, but Parker claims a hairpull and the ref actually makes him break the hold! Back the blue I guess. Wright beats on Pillman in the corner, but Brian takes him to the floor with a headscissors and the State Patrol continue bickering about that. Back in the ring, Parker trips up Brian and allows Wright to take over while Paul continues building up the Pillman-Flair match that was already cancelled. That one had the better backstory and probably would have been a better match, not sure why they switched to Scott Steiner honestly. Wright with a snap suplex for two, but Pillman rolls him up for two. Wright puts the boots to him in the corner, but Pillman fights back with chops. Wright clotheslines him and takes him to the floor for more abuse from Buddy. But then Pillman springboards back in with a double axehandle and comes back with a flying elbow and backdrop. Buddy interferes again and Pillman takes him out, and then finishes with Air Pillman at 6:14. A totally decent match. What is THAT about? I don’t watch this shit for good matches with guys who can work. Gross.
Meanwhile, on World Championship Wrestling, Terry Taylor complains about getting passed over for TV title matches and having to wrestle Ricky Morton before he can get one. So Ricky comes out and wants to know what the problem is, but Terry tells him that everything is cool and they’ll have their match on the Clash with no problems.
Terry Taylor v. Joe Barrett
Damn, they’re actually setting the table for the York Foundation turn and everything. I’m almost impressed. And indeed Alexandra York comes out to scout Taylor with her new computer gimmick while Terry slams Barrett a few times. Barrett uses the distraction and grabs a headlock on Taylor while Paul predicts that Alexandra York will soon go to work for Donald Trump and “refinance his whole organization”. Oh man, shockingly timely. Also Taylor is apparently in the new WCW Top 10. Maybe someone should announce that Top 10 in an update segment so that someone else could, I dunno, do a somewhat funny running gag about it? WHAT ABOUT ME, 1991 WCW? Taylor with a backbreaker for two as this drags on, but Barrett gets a sunset flip for two and a bodypress for two. Terry with a piledriver and spinebuster and he finishes with the Five-arm at 4:00. Not that there was much interesting about this match, but what WAS interesting was the not-so-subtle burial of Michael Wallstreet by the announcers through the whole match, since Rotunda had finished up with the company a week previous and they were about to pivot direction for Taylor to fill his spot.
World TV Title: Tom Zenk v. Moondog Rex
Again, I’m still amused that they keep announcing Zenk as “the brand new TV champion” even though he was no longer champion. Zenk grabs a headlock on Rex to start and this brings up an important question: Why the HELL were they booking Randy Colley in 1991? I mean, unless they have another gimmick idea for him and just wanted to have him around. And…oh. OH NO. THE DESPERADOES. Well at least we’ve got a few months before that. Zenk tosses him to start, but Rex comes in with a clothesline off the middle rope and a backbreaker for two. Zenk fights back while Paul notes that Missy Hyatt should be at home cooking her husband a meal and cleaning the kitchen. Jim: “I think she wants to marry an NFL quarterback. Or a wide receiver. Or a tight end.” Rex with a neckbreaker for two, but Zenk gets a sunset flip for two and comes back with a clothesline. Moondog misses a blind charge and Zenk goes up with the missile dropkick to finish at 5:45.
Oh yeah I’m totally redoing Clash XIV next. JUST TRY AND STOP ME.
1991 WCW is like my whole reason for existing. I want to sing “Part Of Your World” like an animated mermaid every time I watch these shows. They are so bad and yet I cannot look away from them, mesmerized by their awfulness. YOU COMPLETE ME, 1991 WCW. I would harass 1991 WCW in an airport baggage claim until it signed by posterboard of Master Blasters memorabilia, and I wouldn’t even sell it on eBay afterwards. Probably. I’m only human.