The SmarK Rant for WCW Power Hour – 01.19.91
Taped from Marietta, GA
Your hosts are Jim Ross & Paul E. Dangerously
The Motor City Madman & Big Cat v. Allen Iron Eagle & Greg Sawyer
The Madman and Big Cat double-team young Iron Eagle, and Cat dropkicks him for two while Paul puts over Iron Eagle as a potential rookie of the year candidate. Well he’s no Marcus Alexander Bagwell, to be sure, but regardless I don’t think any of us could have guessed the heights that he would go on to hit once he realized his true potential and hair care routine. Madman hits a sideslam for two and then remembers that it was supposed to be the finish and does it again for the pin at 2:40. It wouldn’t be 1991 WCW without Allen Iron Eagle and the Motor City Madman! IN THE SAME MATCH!
Meanwhile, the Freebirds accuse the Steiners of being STUPID and unable to deal with them, and they’re gonna end up as the US tag team champions. Well, in a sense, they were correct about that.
The Freebirds v. The Italian Stallion & Reno Riggins
Oh my god can I go one show without having to sit through a Freebirds squash? Meanwhile JR lets us know to keep an eye on the TV schedule due to the “world crisis” we are currently going through. Well at least we know that wrestling would never stoop to trying to capitalize on that crisis in a sleazy manner. Paul drops a reference to his legal team, “Dewey Cheatum and Howe”, and harasses JR to let him run down the TV taping announcements. Meanwhile the Freebirds do the usual boring squash and Hayes beats on Riggins in the corner before Garvin goes to the chinlock. Meanwhile JR points out that RENO Riggins has “Las Vegas” on his tights and is unable to reconcile this geographic contradiction, until Garvin finishes with the DDT at 4:20.
WRESTLING NEWS NETWORK! WITH GORDON SOLIE!
Ric Flair has won the World title for a seventh time this past week, and then we get a promo from Flair as he suddenly pivots the Clash main event from Brian Pillman to Scott Steiner. And we also get a promo from Barry Windham and Arn Anderson in a junkyard, as they’re going back to basics to prepare for a rematch with Doom that never happened.
The Renegade Warriors v. Magnum Force
Oh man 1991 was like an endless well of gloriously terrible tag teams that all had great names and nothing else. I always feel bad that most of the talent in the Youngblood family died with Jay. Not that bad, but a little bit. The Youngbloods double-team Magnum Force #1, who has “RICK” on the side of his pants, so we’ll call him Greg. Mark takes him down with a headscissors and Chris works a headlock on him, but Greg Magnum suplexes him to escape. Over to the other guy, who has “Speedy” on his tights, so we’ll assume his name is Rutiger. So Rutiger Force puts the boots to Chris and slams him for two, and then it turns out I have the Youngbloods mixed up but no one cares about them anyway. Sadly Greg Magnum runs into Rutiger Force and that allows the Youngbloods to make the comeback with double kicks before one of them gets a Whoopie Cushion for the pin at 4:35. Amazingly awful. I love it. I can only assume the miscommunication between Magnum Force led to them breaking up the team and doing a blowoff on a set of tapings that was then edited off the show.
Konan v. Chuck Coats
Amazingly Konan got another shot after Starrcade 90 and it’s still amazing to look at him all jacked up and hairless here and then picture him as Grandpa K-Dawg these days. He takes Coats down with a drop toehold and works the leg for a bit and then suplexes him. Powerslam and he does that lucha armdrag thing as Coats has no idea what to do with that and then just beats on him in the corner instead. Konan comes back with a clothesline out of the corner and then hits a reverse suplex out of the corner and pins him at 3:30. This was a trainwreck and the crowd didn’t care about Konan whatsoever. The WCW crowds were not ready for that jelly in 1991, lemme tell you.
Sid Vicious v. Man Mountain Bailey
Oh damn we haven’t had a Man Mountain gimmick in forever! I can’t even find the guy on cagematch but he doesn’t look terribly familiar anyway. Sid quickly tosses him and runs him into the railing while JR and Paul go off on a bizarre tangent about southern hick crowds and people walking around New York going “Yo Pauly!” like in Goodfellas. Back in the ring, Sid with a corner splash on the Man Mountain, who is more of a molehill here, and the powerbomb finishes at 3:21.
WCW TV title: Tom Zenk v. Wild Bill Irwin
This is your alleged main event, although Zenk has already dropped the TV title to Arn Anderson by this point and we’re just waiting for the TV taping schedule to catch up again. Zenk is introduced as the “new” TV champion, despite being champion for a few weeks at the point this show aired, just to really mess with the chronology. Bill is looking pretty slim here, with long tights and straps for some reason, and a new short haircut. No idea why he decided to completely change his gear but it makes him look like even more of a jobber. Zenk works a headlock to start and keeps him on the mat with that, but Irwin chokes him out on the ropes. Paul on Dothan AL: “You know it’s the only city in the country where a man can come up to you and introduce you to his wife and his sister and there’s only one woman standing there.” JR won’t even let him finish the joke before no-selling it and telling him to get new material, which somehow makes it funnier. Zenk with a superkick for two, but Irwin puts him down with a pump kick and they fight to the top rope, where Irwin tries a superplex and Zenk counters for the pin at 4:23. This was like Flair-Steamboat compared to the rest of the nonsense on this episode.
This is clearly what Tony Khan needs to watch and use as inspiration for the new AEW show coming up on Saturdays. The world needs more Motor City Madman, Magnum Force, and Man Mountain Bailey! I hope this show never gets any less terrible.