The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 03.10.23
Thank god, I’m on vacation for a week.
Taped from Sacramento, CA
Your hosts are Jim Ross, Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Chris Jericho
Action Andretti v. Sammy Guevara
They slug it out and fight to the floor, where Sammy runs him into the barrier to take control. Andretti fights back with a tope suicida and sends Sammy into the stairs, and back into the ring for a shotgun dropkick and split legged moonsault that gets two. Back to the floor and Andretti beats on him with chops, and then clotheslines him from the apron and catapults him over the top rope. Sammy skins the cat back in, but Andretti clotheslines him back out and follows with a dive, which lands right on Sammy’s knee strike. Andretti beats the count at 9 and Sammy beats on him in the ring and gives us a pose before going to a chinlock. Even with sweetening this crowd sounds really dead tonight. Action fights out of the chinlock and they collide on a bodypress attempt. They slug it out and Andretti makes the comeback with a neckbreaker, sending Sammy to the floor for a moonsault this time. Back in the ring, a 450 gets two. Spanish Fly gets two. Sammy counters the shooting star and hits a DDT, but Andretti rolls to the floor to escape. They slug it out on the floor and Sammy sets up the table, but Andretti superkicks him onto it and comes off the top with his own flying splash through the table. But they head back in the ring, and Daniel Garcia interferes yet again, allowing Sammy to hit the GTH for the pin at 12:28. They have absolutely driven that finish into the ground with the JAS now. Pretty good opener with the usual crap finish for Jericho’s guys. ***1/4
Meanwhile, Darby Allin is going to let us know where he’s going with his life, next week.
Meanwhile, Jungle Boy is ready to pick his shot and come after a title belt.
Meanwhile, QT Marshall promises to reveal who REALLY broke into Wardlow’s car, next week!
The Acclaimed v. Starboy Charlie & Jack Cartwheel
Hopefully they don’t job Cartwheel out here after his good showing on Dark. Bowens beats him down in the corner and the Acclaimed hit Scissor Me Timbers. Over to Starboy Charlie, but they drop the mic on him to finish at 1:42. Afterwards, 2.0 makes another offer to join the JAS, but it gets blown off again.
Meanwhile, Chris Jericho GUARANTEES that the JAS will win the Trios titles in Winnipeg.
Preston Vance v. Konosuke Takeshita
They fight for the lockup to start and Vance offers a mocking bow, but Takeshita hits the Warrior clothesline and elbows him to the floor. Takeshita follows with a dive and hits a big boot in the corner, followed by a brainbuster for two. Jose the Assistant trips him up and Vance takes him to the floor and runs him into the railing. Back in the ring, Vance suplexes him onto the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING, and then hits a suplex for two. Vance with corner clotheslines and Fite takes a break. Back with them slugging it out and knocking each other out with elbows, but Takeshita is up first and hits a knee strike and Blue Thunder Bomb for two. Another knee strike gets two, but Jose puts the foot on the ropes to save. Takeshita goes after him, allowing Vance to hit the discus lariat for two. Vance with the full nelson, but Takeshita breaks free and rolls him up for two. Backslide gets the pin at 7:55. Well beating Preston Vance isn’t exactly World title contender material but I’m glad to see him winning and it was an entertaining match. ***
Meanwhile, Swerve’s goons have both been taken out by Keith Lee, and he’s not dealing with it very well.
Mark Briscoe joins us on behalf of the Briscoe Brothers, and it’s time to move forward and deal with the tag team titles. So at the PPV, they’ll be up for grabs in a “Reach for the Sky” ladder match, with the Lucha Bros as the first entrants. Not really clear if that means Briscoe is vacating the title or picking a new partner or what the deal is.
Meanwhile, Matt Hardy is still very committed to keeping Stokely safe.
Nyla Rose v. Riho
All the stuff they did with Nyla as a babyface against Jade Cargill appears to be completely thrown out and now she’s just been rebooted back to the same old Nyla heel character again. Nyla throws her around and takes her to the floor, but she hits the stairs, and Riho gets a crossbody back in the ring, for two. Nyla gets a delayed suplex, so delayed they should call it the Suicide Squad game, and then Marina Shafir pulls Riho out for some cheapshots. Back in the ring, Nyla works her over in the corner and hits a spinebuster for two. She goes to a chinlock, but Riho fights back until Nyla suplexes her for two. Riho fights back again and takes her down with a headscissors, but Nyla knocks her down again. So Riho goes up with a flying rana and follows with the double stomp for two. Nyla catches her with a powerslam for two and the guillotine kneedrop gets two. Nyla goes up for a senton, but that misses, and Riho gets a northern lights suplex for two. She misses a running knee in the corner, but Nyla misses a cannonball, and Riho gets a crucifix bomb for two. Marina trips up Riho, but she still rolls up Nyla for the pin at 12:10. ***. Afterwards, Nyla and Marina beat Riho down, but then leave and allow THE OUTCASTS to come out and spraypaint her to end the show. God, they took weeks to come up with a name for the group and even then it’s lame and generic. This was a really flat finish to a really dull and flat show.
All the wrestling was good, but that and two bits won’t buy you a cup of coffee these days, as the kids say. There’s still no hook to this show and no reason to watch, and this was no exception.