The SmarK Rant for AEW Dark – 03.07.23
Taped from San Francisco?
Your hosts are Excalibur & Taz
Skye Blue v. Mylo
Mylo dumps Skye to the apron and boots her to the floor to start, and they do a quick brawl out there and Mylo gets two. Back in the ring, Mylo with a slingshot suplex for two. Taz notes that too many people are happy today, and so he goes to wrestling Twitter to “bring his misery level up”. Well that’s certainly the place for it. Skye fights back with an enzuigiri for two, but Mylo gets a cutter for two. She goes up and Skye hits a superkick on the way down, and finishes with the Skyfall at 3:40. Fine little match. 1 for 1.
Brian Cage v. Bad Dude Tito
That’s an amazing name. Tito tries a headlock and Cage reverses out of that, but Tito puts him down with a shoulder. So Cage suplexes him out of the corner and chokes him out on the ropes, but Tito gets a rollup for two and rolls into an anklelock. Cage powers out of that, but Bad Dude Tito hits him with a sliding lariat and they fight to the apron. Tito fights him off and comes back in with a blockbuster for two, but Cage hits a pumphandle driver for two. “Pumphandle Jones there” notes Taz. Tito escapes the powerbomb and hits an enzuigiri and powerbomb for two. They’re having a MATCH here! Tito tries a fireman’s carry and Cage escapes that and hits the discus lariat, and then powerbombs him and submits him with the cloverleaf at 4:11. This was a HOSS FIGHT and I enjoyed it. 2 for 2. I bet Tito is gonna be something right away.
Lance Archer v. Cody Chhun & Guillermo Rosas
It’s a very subdued entrance for Archer, as he actually lets the jobbers get to the ring before chasing them down and murdering them. Geek 1 and Geek 2 try to attack in the corner and celebrate getting a few punches, but Archer hits them with a bodypress and then chokeslams one of them on the other one and then clotheslines the first one and pins him at 1:47. Fairly subdued squash for Lance. 2 for 3.
Konosuke Takeshita v. Jack Cartwheel
And Cartwheel indeed does three cartwheels before I can even complain about false advertising. Kudos. Takeshita quickly hits him with the Warrior clothesline, but he goes to the apron and Cartwheel boots him to the floor and follows with the SPACE FLYING TIGER DROP here on Dark. Back in the ring, Cartwheel gets a gymnastic legsweep from the apron and slingshots in for two as Taz is increasingly impressed. Takeshita hits him with a deadlift german suplex, but Cartwheel flips away from a lariat, so Takeshita elbows him and hits a second lariat with increasing annoyance. Cartwheel comes back with a gutbuster for two and tries a handspring, but Takeshita hits him with a Blue Thunder Bomb and finishes him off with the running knee at 3:55. Taz confuses Cartwheel with Jake Something, who is apparently a different guy. Good to know. Another banger and Cartwheel got over big. 3 for 4.
Big Bill v. Julius Coleman
Coleman avoids Bill to start and quickly gets creamed in the corner as a result, but he fights back with a dropkick and slugs away in the corner. Bill just hurls him over the ringpost, and then back into the ring for the chokeslam to finish at 2:25. Nothing special, but Bill is fine in the role. 3 for 5.
Willow Nightingale v. Zoe Dubois
Zoe is back after a previous appearance where she got over with her ballet dancer act. Willow throws her down and Zoe does the splits on the way down, but Willow boots her down and then follows with a lariat. Corner splash follows and she puts Zoe down with a mafia kick, and a spinebuster gets two. Doctorbomb finishes at 2:05. Unfortunately Zoe didn’t get a chance to show her stuff this time, but I’m fine with Willow getting to squash someone. 3 for 6. Afterwards, Athena attacks and tries to lay her out with the ROH title, but Willow wins that battle and end up with the belt. So I guess that’s a match for the ROH PPV.
AR Fox v. Ryan Nemeth
So today I learned that Nemeth is also in the Von Erich movie, and he’s playing Gino Hernandez. Now, I was supportive of MJF getting the role of Lance Von Erich, but honestly if you’re casting Nemeth, then he’s gotta be Lance and MJF has gotta be Gino instead. Nemeth even has experience being the failed brother of a bigger star! Fox sends Nemeth to the floor and moonsaults him off the apron. Back in, Fox slugs away in the corner, but Temu Ziggler necks him on the top rope to cut him off and hiptosses him off the apron to take over. Back in, Ryan puts the boots to him in the corner and a dropkick gets two. Nemeth winds up the big punch and then chops him in the throat for his big highspot, but Fox comes back with a brainbuster and running elbow into a cutter for two. Nemeth with a DDT for two and he goes up for an even BIGGER highspot, but Fox cuts off whatever it was and hits another cutter before finishing with a 450 at 6:32. This was a trainwreck of styles but I’m glad to see Fox getting a win for once. I’d call it acceptable enough for a point. 4 for 7.
Obviously at just 40 minutes this was a pretty brisk episode by Dark standards, which I appreciate sometimes. I’d definitely check out Bad Dude Tito and Jack Cartwheel if you’re looking for some new talent to keep your eye on here, but overall there wasn’t much to this one.