The SmarK Rant for WWE Elimination Chamber 2023 – 02.18.23
This is the very definition of a one match show, as I know the main event and I know there’s a pair of Chamber matches but I have no idea who else is on the show outside of the Sami match. Just for context. Long as the main event delivers, the rest is just gravy on the poutine.
Live from Montreal, QC
Your hosts are Michael Cole & Corey Graves
Elimination Chamber: Asuka v. Carmella v. Raquel Rodriguez v. Liv Morgan v. Nikki Cross v. Natalya
Winner gets Bianca at Wrestlemania. So we start with Nattie and Liv, and Nattie overpowers her and gets a rollup for two. Liv runs her into the cage a few times, but Nattie whips into Nikki’s pod a few times, which the Montreal crowd enjoys. Nattie chokes her out on the cage, and Raquel is into the match at 3:10. She slugs away on Nattie and puts her down with a clothesline, and then whips both women into the corner for a double splash and pair of fallaway slams. Liv manages to send her into the cage to escape, however, and Natalya takes Liv down and tries for the Sharpshooter. Liv reverses that for two, but Raquel saves and Nikki is next at 6:45.
Cross runs wild for a bit and dodges a charging Raquel, but Liv hits her with an enzuigiri, so Nikki takes her to the apron and catapults her into the pod. Nikki chokes out Raquel as this is taking a while to get going, to say the least. Nikki comes off the top of Carmella’s pod with a crossbody onto the pile and everyone is down. Carmella is in at 10:20 and she gets some shots on the others and then hides herself in the pod, but Raquel smashes Nikki through the pod anyway. So Carmella finds another pod and hides there instead, but Raquel pins Nikki at 11:50 during a replay. Liv makes a comeback on Raquel and climbs the cage to get away. Raquel beats on Nattie in the corner and then stands there bent over on the top, which allows Liv to get a sunset flip off the pod in a really contrived spot. That gets two for Carmella.
Asuka is last into the match at 13:30 and Asuka beats on Carmella and hits her with a german suplex. Raquel challenges her and Asuka puts her into a submission, but Liv gets a missile dropkick for two. Carmella breaks up Oblivion with a superkick, allowing Nattie to get the Sharpshooter, and then Asuka adds an armbar at the same time and Liv is out at 16:41. Nattie with another Sharpshooter on Asuka this time, but Carmella superkicks her and pins her at 17:35. Carmella and Asuka double-team Raquel and they both pin her at 18:25. And then Carm superkicks Asuka for two. Cradle gets two and a rollup gets two, but Asuka armbars her for the win at 19:35. I mean, good for Asuka but there wasn’t much drama to the match and most of it was a couple of people doing a spot while everyone else literally laid on the apron selling. Not BAD as such most of the time, just completely forgettable, especially with the dumb booking trope of having everyone into the match and then doing all the eliminations in a rapid series. And Carmella built up as the big threat at the end? Come on. **1/4.
Brock Lesnar v. Bobby Lashley
Brock immediately puts the boots to Bobby in the corner and clotheslines him to the floor, and then throws him back in, offended that Bobby would dare throw himself to the floor when Brock is trying to beat on him. Bobby catches him with a spear, however, and that gets two. Another spear follows and he goes for the full nelson, but Brock powers him into the F5 to escape and that gets two. Another F5 gets two. The crowd wants one more, but Bobby escapes and gets another spear, and now the crowd turns on him. Unless he’s already a heel, I forget. Lashley with another full nelson, but he BROCKS UP and then kicks him in the Almighty Nutsack for the DQ at 4:55. Well they were having a perfectly fun Heyman match before the dumb finish. ***. Things get worse for Lashley with an F5 through the table, so I guess that sets up a rematch at Wrestlemania. Oh, and Brock goes full on Lord of Chaos and gives the poor ref an F5 out there as well. See, as long as he’s not World champion, let him run roughshod and wreck everyone because he’s awesome.
Edge & Beth Phoenix v. Finn Balor & Rhea Ripley
I’m surprised they let Dominick over the border given his extensive criminal background. Edge slugs away on Balor in the corner to start and it’s over to Beth, who plays the Christian role for some double-teaming. Over to Rhea and we get some pretty aggressive clotheslines, and oddly Beth is almost as tall as Rhea when they’re face to face. I always thought Rhea was way taller than that. So they slug it out and the crowd is very mean to Dom. No wonder he turned to a life of crime. Rhea tries the Riptide and Beth escapes that and sends her to the floor and runs her into the stairs. Back in the ring, Beth tries a moonsault, but Dom brings her down and then runs away so as not to violate his parole. Rhea and Finn take over on Beth in the corner as Dominick still has nuclear heat with the crowd even when he’s not on screen. Which is why it’s even more awesome when he comes back right away. He’s not great in the ring but they’ve really got something with the character and hopefully they don’t waste it. If we had a Forbidden Door show for the Big Two, they could book Hook v. Dom and sell out a stadium. Finn takes out Edge to prevent Beth from making the tag, but Beth escapes another Riptide and runs her into the corner. They fight to the top as Dom has so much heat on him that it’s actually taking away from the match, and Beth brings Rhea down with a superplex.
Finally Edge gets the hot tag and runs wild with a flapjack on Finn and the Edgeucator submission, while Beth does her own version. This brings Dom into the match to take the ref, and Rhea headbutts Beth and then uses Dom’s favorite brass knuckles on Edge for two. I don’t know about the US, but you’re actually not allowed to have real brass knuckles in Canada. Or butterfly knives for that matter. So hopefully someone gave Dom a patdown backstage. Beth actually saved late there and that should have been three. Finn goes up to finish, but Dom accidentally gets thrown into the ropes to bring him down and we get a double powerbomb spot and everyone is out. Edge and Beth makes the comeback and Edge dives onto Dom, but Finn hits him with a sling blade on the way back into the ring. Edge spears him and they finish Finn with a Shatter Machine at 14:00. Very interesting that they actually used that name for the move. A very fun, but VERY messy match, which hopefully puts an end to the feud once and for all. ***1/4.
Meanwhile, Roman Reigns enjoys some delicious C4 Energy Drinks.
US title, Elimination Chamber: Austin Theory v. Montez Ford v. Bronson Reed v. Damian Priest v. Johnny Gargano v. Seth Rollins
We get Seth and Johnny Wrestling to start and they trade rollups for two counts before Gargano tries the slingshot DDT and Seth catches him, only for Johnny to spear him out to the apron as Theory is into the match at 2:40. They’re already shaving time, they must want to be off the air by the three hour mark. Theory beats on Seth in the corner and runs him into a pod before hitting a backbreaker in the ring. But then Rollins and Gargano pinball him until Theory talks Gargano into turning on Rollins. But that backfires as Johnny goes after him instead and he has to run away and hide in the pod. So Seth and Johnny double-team him in the pod and Priest is the next guy at 6:30.
Priest runs wild with a falcon arrow on Johnny and slams Seth for two, and then Priest lays everyone out with kicks. He goes up, but Seth brings him down with the superplex into the falcon arrow for two. Bronson is next at 10:20 as now we’re going the other way with interval times, and Reed runs wild and splashes everyone in the corner before hitting Seth and Gargano with a double samoan drop for two. Priest goes after Reed on the apron, but Bronson suplexes him into the cage and then splashes him into a pod.
Montez Ford is last man in at 13:13 and he runs wild on Theory with a spinebuster and teases a People’s Elbow, but Reeds breaks it up and powerslams Theory. We get a wacky Doomsday Device / poison rana combo from Seth and Gargano on Reed, which gets two. Priest slams Ford on the apron and tries a powerbomb back into the ring, but Montez climbs the cage to escape and then dives onto everyone from an insane height. Back in the ring, we get escalating superkicks on Reed and Gargano hits the DDT, setting up From the Heavens to finish him at 17:51.
Everyone slugs it out and we end up with Rollins and Gargano on top of a pod slugging it out, which leads to Seth trying a powerbomb off the pod and Gargano reversing into a rana instead, and in fact Seth completely overshot the pile and landed on his feet. Gargano with a swinging DDT on Priest on the apron, and he adds one for Theory as well. But then Priest finishes him with the Razor’s Edge at 22:55. Priest with kicks on Seth and Ford tries to take them out from a pod, but Priest cuts him off and Ford hits him with a blockbuster off the pod for the pin at 24:53.
Ford and Rollins slug it out and Ford puts him on the apron with an enzuigiri and then dives onto Theory before hitting Seth with another one. Back in the ring, a Rock Bottom sets up the frog splash, but Theory blocks that and Seth stomps Ford and Theory gets the pin at 27:41. That leaves Rollins and Theory, and Seth powerbombs him for two. Meanwhile Ford gets helped out of the ring and that smells like an angle, and sure enough Logan Paul runs into the open door and hits Rollins with a buckshot lariat before giving him the stomp and allowing Theory to finish at 31:18 in an anticlimactic ending to a pretty damn good Chamber match otherwise. ****
WWE title: Roman Reigns v. Sami Zayn
The Montreal crowd definitely does NOT acknowledge the Tribal Chief here. And as revealed on Smackdown, Sami thankfully has his old music back again. Sami is so fired up that the ref literally has to hold him back from fighting Roman during the introductions, which is an awesome touch. We get the big staredown to start as Roman is amused by the challenger and the crowd gets more and more hot. In fact it takes 4:30 for the lockup as Roman grabs a headlock and puts Sami down as the crowd boos him like he’s John Cena in Philly. And then Sami gets his own headlock, but Roman easily escapes that. Roman with another headlock and Sami manages to dump him this time, and hits him with a dive. Back in the ring, Sami slugs away in the corner and follows with a middle rope elbow for one. Roman slugs him down to block another one, and they head to the floor for a Drive By from Roman.
Back in the ring, Roman slugs him down and gives the crowd some shit for not booing him even more, and then cuts off Sami’s comeback attempt while smirking like a complete dick. Speaking of which, he beats on Sami in the corner while talking smack to Sami’s wife at ringside and then tosses him to the floor and into the railing. More gaslighting as he tells her that it’s all Sami’s fault and Sami betrayed HIM. Back in the ring, Sami leapfrogs him and comes back with a lariat and a running clothesline before putting Roman on the floor and getting his own shots in out there.
Back in the ring, Sami goes up and gets cut off again, but Sami fights back with a sunset bomb off the top for two. Sami tries the Blue Thunder Bomb and Roman beats him down with elbows and hits a uranage for two. Superman punch follows, but Sami catches him with the exploder into the corner, before walking into the punch on the second try, which gets two. Sami’s underdog babyface selling here is just off the charts great. Reigns with the spear, but Sami dodges him and rolls him up for two. Another exploder in the corner sets up the Heluva Kick, but first he hits a superman punch of his own, and the kick gets a heart-attack two. Sami tries again and Roman bails to think it over, but then suckers Sami into trying his corner DDT and slugs him in the face to block it. Roman charges for the spear, but Sami dodges him and he goes through the railing. Back in the ring, the Blue Thunder Bomb gets two for another cardiac arrest.
Another powerbomb attempt, but Roman bumps the ref to escape and Sami gets the Heluva Kick for the visual pinfall, and it’s Uso time. Jimmy with the superkicks and flying splash, but that only gets two. They slug it out and Roman wins that battle, but Sami boots Jimmy off the apron, and then walks into a spear for two. Reigns continues the gaslighting trash talk and slaps him around, but then another ref gets bumped and Roman hits another superman punch and both guys are down. So Heyman sends a chair into the ring, but Jey Uso returns and Roman tells him to make his final choice. Jey declines to chose, so Sami spears him and Roman beats on Sami with the chair himself, disgusted at having to do his own dirty work. This sets up the final spear for the pin at 32:22 and Montreal is very sad. A great match with a very deflating finish. ****3/4. But hey, given that I usually feel apathetic towards shows at the end, making me feel sad instead is a huge accomplishment. It still felt like a huge missed opportunity but I was literally on the edge of my seat watching this one and I haven’t felt like that about a WWE show since Money in the Bank 2011.
And then, 5 minutes AFTER he could have helped his best friend win the title, Kevin Owens hits the ring and cleans house on the Bloodline. What a dick move.
It was a one match show and the one match delivered, plus the US title match delivered, so that’s a strong thumbs up from here.