The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 02.17.23
“Slam dunk!”
Taped from Laredo, TX
Your hosts are Jim Ross, Excalibur, Chris Jericho and Tony Schiavone
World Trios title: The Elite v. Top Flight & AR Fox
Everyone is carrying footballs like they’re supposed to be a bunch of Mark Messiers or something. I guess that’s why it’s called SLAM DUNK. So Matt and Dante do some aggressive passes at each other with the ball and they’re MOVING THE CHAINS, but Dante chases them out of the ring and Fox hits them with a dive on either side of the ring, and then another one on the Bucks while holding the ball, which feels like it should be a yellow card. Over to Kenny, and the champs triple team Fox with the ball and Kenny puts the boots to him. So what’s with the numbers on the Elite’s jerseys and is it supposed to be some kind of inside rib deal? Obviously Kenny’s 23 is how many titles he needs to hold at one time to feel validated, and Matt’s 13 is how many superkicks they do in every match, but what’s Nick’s “777” about? Fox gets the hot tag to Dante and he tosses Kenny and follows with a tope, and back in with a crossbody that gets two. Kenny tries a snapdragon and Dante lands on his feet, and Fox comes in with a Spanish fly on Matt. Dante comes off the top with a line drive onto Matt with the ball, and Fox adds a 450 for two. But then the Elite put Top Flight in the ropes like they’re stuck in a sand trap, which is probably why it’s called SLAM DUNK, and Nick adds a senton onto them. Everyone brawls and we get all the big moves as Fox steals Matt Hardy’s cutter sell from Matt Jackson, and the Bucks hit him with a double superkick to block a moonsault. Kenny hits Darius with the V-Trigger and finishes with the One Winged Angel at 10:27 to retain. All the wacky sportsball references were a bit much after a while, but thankfully a dedicated sports fan like myself was able to keep up with them all. Match was fun otherwise but nowhere near as good as their first one. ***
Afterwards, the House of Black makes their spooky entrance and we get our next program for the PPV.
Meanwhile, the Gunns think it’s so typical of the Acclaimed to get a title shot without having to win any battle royales!
Meanwhile, Wheeler Yuta confronts Orange Cassidy and complains that the Best Friends replaced him with a literal clown, and Orange offers him a title shot if he wants to start some shit. I agree with Orange, it wasn’t their responsibility to teach Yuta. Also the group is way more over with Danhausen.
Ricky Starks v. Daniel Garcia
Starks slugs away on Garcia and adds a backdrop, while JR assures us that we all love the NBA. Well that’s good to know, because I was on the fence about it for a while there. Starks with the ropewalk forearm, but Garcia blocks a springboard move with a legwhip through the ropes and puts Starks on the floor. Jericho cheers Garcia on while Excalbur throws to the TV break, and then Tony quips “You do realize that when they say ‘Don’t go anywhere’ that’s our cue to NOT SAY ANYTHING, right?” Y’all miss some really funny stuff from the announcers if you’re not watching on Fite. Back in the ring, Garcia with a snap suplex for two and he goes to work on the knee after dropping Starks on the stairs knee-first. Garcia puts the boots to him in the corner and now Fite takes a break. Back with Starks trying the spear, but the knee gives out and he’s fallen and can’t get up. Man that’s I how feel most days. Getting old sucks. Starks comes back with a belly to belly suplex, which hurts his knee again, while Excalibur reveals that Aussie Open is now in the battle royale on Dynamite. Given their free agent status they should get on that and lock those guys down. Garcia with a suplex for two and he goes to the Sharpshooter to really torture the knee, but suddenly we get a brawl with Sammy Guevara and Action Andretti out of nowhere while Starks fights for the ropes. Garcia gets all distracted by that and Starks cradles him for two and follows with a spear and Rochambeaux to finish at 9:34. Minor point, but the camera angle on Starks’ reversal of the Sharpshooter into the cradle was really bad because it was obvious that Garcia was putting himself into the pinning position. A good midcard match otherwise. ***.
Afterwards, Sammy wants a match with Action Andretti for REVENGE.
Meanwhile, Evil Uno promises to bring violence to Jon Moxley next week. I’m pretty sure Mox can handle himself.
TBS title: Jade Cargill v. Vertvixen
Jade gets a hiptoss and Jade does some pushups while Vertvixen recovers, and Jade finishes her with Jaded at 1:10. And as usual with Jade this had no point and leads to nothing.
Dustin Rhodes v. Swerve Strickland
Hey, the Mark Henry interview segment is back! Swerve accuses Dustin of being involved with Trench’s disappearance, and Dustin says what we’re all thinking and notes that no one gives a shit about Trench or where he is. Parker charges Dustin on the ramp and takes a wrench to the gut for his troubles. Dustin slugs away on Swerve in the corner while JR notes that he’d like to officiate the All Star Game, but Ex points out that he can’t because they’re here in Laredo. I see what he did there. Swerve puts Dustin on the floor and follows with a pump kick from the apron to take over, and then dropkicks Dustin’s head into the railing for good measure. So this busts Dustin open and Swerve runs him into the post. Back in, Swerve beats on the cut and slugs him down. Swerve with the uppercut to the back, which gets two. Dustin’s red facepaint gives us the awesome visual of half his face painted red and the other half covered in blood, and Swerve takes him down with a bodyscissors while holding a sleeper. Dustin fights out of that, but Swerve counters a bulldog into a flatliner and then hits him with the running kick for one. Dustin makes the comeback with the snap powerslam and then boots Swerve into a Code Red for two. They trade pump kicks and then collide on a bodypress attempt for a double down. They fight to the apron and Swerve gets a death valley driver out there for two. They fight to the top and Dustin brings him down with a superplex and follows with a piledriver for two. Dustin tries the Crossroads, but Swerve reverses for two, so Dustin hits it again and then adds the Final Reckoning for two, before Parker yanks him out for the DQ at 12:23. First DQ of 2023! Swerve and Parker go for the beatdown with a chain afterwards and rip at the cut, but Keith Lee returns, looking like James Earl Jones with his new hair color, and makes the save before any more cinder blocks can be used. I was wondering where he was! The big surprise return was ruined a little bit by the announcers talking about him before the appearance, though. Dustin just keeps rolling along with great matches even in his “retirement” year, and I’m actually glad they went with a DQ finish instead of beating him here. ***3/4.
Still not much for star power and with the timeslot change this will probably be another disappointing rating, but I thought it was a best episode of the show in a while.