The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 02.15.23
Live from Laredo, TX
Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Taz
Jeff Jarrett, Jay Lethal, Satnam Singh & Sonjay Dutt v. Orange Cassidy, The Acclaimed & Billy Gunn
Jeff Jarrett, ever the pro, lets Max Caster rap about him while still mourning his dad. Lethal quickly rolls up Bowens for two, but he comes back with the guillotine and the Acclaimed double-team him in the corner. Over to Jarrett, and Max hits him with dropkicks until Jeff cuts him off and brings in Satnam. He’s very unimpressed by Orange’s height, so Sonjay comes in instead while the Gunns head out to provide distraction. JJ and Jay indulge in some strutting after taking Billy out, and Lethal adds a neckbreaker. The heels continue to put the boots to Daddy Ass as this is having some serious trouble getting going. Billy makes a comeback on Satnam but gets elbowed down again and Satnam throws the faces around. Gunn comes back with a fameasser on Singh and the Acclaimed double-team Dutt but just can’t hit Scissor Me Timbers. So Poor Sonjay has to lay there for like 5 minutes before finally we cycle back to Bowens again and he hits the move and gets the pin at 9:03. Man, the Acclaimed have suddenly become WAY less hot after last week. I think that one is going to go down as a huge mistake that ruined a huge act. Also this match really sucked and was a complete mess. *. That being said, kudos to Jeff for wanting to work through the death of his father, and I guess having a goofy Memphis match is the best way to pay tribute.
Texas Tornado match: Jon Moxley & Claudio Castagnoli v. Rush & Preston Vance
LFI attacks during the entrances and we take a break, returning with the official start of the match in the ring as Vance beats on Moxley. Mox puts the boots to Vance in the corner, but Rush saves and they double-team Mox with splashes in the corner to set up a spinebuster from Vance. Is it me or does Vance look like he should be pitching movies to a studio executive and declaring things to be super easy, barely an inconvenience? Claudio catapults Rush into the railing and the BCC double-teams Vance and whips him into the corner, before Mox dumps Rush and hits him with a dive. And then Vance spears Claudio off the apron and onto the other two, and they brawl on the floor, which goes badly for Claudio as we take another break. Back with Moxley busted open because it’s a day ending in “Y”, and they slugs it out with Rush, but Vanch hits Mox with a chain for two. Claudio emerges from the wreckage of the table at ringside and makes a comeback, using the chain to beat on Vance and get some revenge. So that busts Vance open as well, setting up the Giant Swing for two, as Rush makes the save. Mox hits him with a cutter and Vance hits Mox with a lariat for two. So then Rush and Claudio get into a fight, but Jose the Assistant breaks that up with a chairshot, prompting Wheeler Yuta to take him out. So everyone is out in the ring, but Rush suplexes Claudio into the corner, but Claudio counters the Bull’s Horns with a spear for two. Rush slugs Claudio to the floor, but he dives and lands on Claudio’s uppercut. This leaves Moxley alone with Vance, and he chokes him out with the chain for the win at 14:55. I think we need Claudio v. Rush for the ROH title at the PPV now. Everything after the break was awesome violence here, but it kind of took a while to get going and the crowd was pretty dead for a lot of it, surprisingly. ***1/2.
Meanwhile, Hangman Page watches the aftermath backstage, but Butcher & Blade lay him out and Dark Order makes the save.
Wardlow sits down with Jim Ross and talks about his relationship with his father, who died of cancer shortly after Wardlow’s first match. And he grew out his hair and beard to honor his father, and Joe cut it off, so that’s gonna be a problem.
Josh Woods v. Mark Briscoe
Mark quickly dumps Woods and that triggers a brawl with Sterling’s goons, before the Lucha Bros make the surprise save and we take a break. Back with Woods suplexing Mark, but he comes back with REDNECK KUNG FU and boots Woods to the floor. He follows with a chair-assisted dive, and back in with a corner clothesline and Splash Mountain for two. Woods escapes the Jay Driller and reverses into a deadlift german for two, and then follows with a knee strike, but Mark gets an enzuigiri and death valley driver. Mark to the top for the froggy elbow to finish at 8:49. Really good match and hopefully Mark gets a big push out of this. ***1/4 And it’s confimed by TK on Twitter later on that Mark is now #AllElite, so congratulations to him.
Meanwhile, Adam Cole sits down with Renee and talks about how life after concussion is going for him.
MJF is here to make his contractually obligated appearance in Laredo, and he’s fine with being the devil, but he hates Bryan Danielson. And he doesn’t care about “five star bangers” but he does care about being AEW World champion, and he will continue to be that after Revolution. So then he brings out Christopher Daniels, who immediately admits that MJF tried to bribe him into burying Danielson, but instead he puts Danielson over and runs down all his accolades. Finally MJF can’t take any more hearing about someone else being better than him and he goes after the Fallen And Can’t Get Up Angel and puts him in the armbar until Bryan makes the save.
Meanwhile, the Gunns are still the tag team champions. Just accept it.
Jungle Boy Jack Perry v. Brian Cage
Jack attacks to start and Cage runs him into the corner, so Perry dropkicks him to the floor and follows with the dive. But then he tries it again and Cage powerbombs him on the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING, and we take a break. Back with Perry escaping a powerbomb in the ring, but Cage boots him down and hits him with a backbreaker and whiplash slam for two. Bucklebomb gets two. Cage tries to go up, but Perry double-stomps him on the back and follows with a flying splash for two. Death valley driver gets one and Cage is SWOLL, but Jungle Boy superkicks him down and hits another one into a rollup for the pin at 7:36. Good David v. Goliath battle here. ***. And then we get another Cage, as Christian shows up after the win with his arm still in a sling, and maces Jack, before revealing that the arm is now healed and delivering a Killswitch on the ramp.
Meanwhile, the Acclaimed invoke their rematch clause for the PPV, although it’s going to be a four-way match after some wacky battle royales to determine the other teams.
Meanwhile, the Elite discuss football in honor of Rampage SLAM DUNK, but Top Flight and AR Fox want a rematch. See now that’s a way to make me excited about watching again. Also we get some video weirdness that appears to be related to the House of Black.
Hangman Page v. Kip Sabian
Kip quickly hits a stunner and cannonball in the corner and offers some mocking cowboy shit, but Hangman hits him with the fallaway slam to put him on the floor. Kip boots from the apron and follows with a moonsault to the floor as we take a break. We take a break and return with Page running Kip into the railings and back in for a powerbomb that gets two. Deadeye finishes at 6:40. An OK squash win for Hangman. **. This brings out the BCC while Page sells a potential concussion issue, but Moxley doesn’t want another match because he already won. So Page wants to go down a dark alley with Moxley at Revolution, but the Dark Order comes out to stand up for their friend and Uno decides to get in Moxley’s face, which prompts Moxley to challenge for a Texas Death Match. Not really sure what the reason behind having the Dark Order there was, as it didn’t really lead to anything.
Meanwhile, Chris Jericho is DONE with Ricky Starks, so on Rampage he gets Daniel Garcia instead.
Meanwhile, Stokely Hathaway gets deep in touch with his militant black roots, and Hook has been suspended for his vicious attack on Stokely’s arm.
Toni Storm v. Ruby Soho v. Dr. Britt Baker DMD
We get a wacky attack on a “fan” at ringside from Saraya, and I’m sold now! She’s totally a heel and a top star. Ruby gets a rollup on Toni for two and they dump Britt, and then Ruby hits Storm with a Saito suplex and puts her on the floor as we take a break. Back with Britt and Ruby double-teaming Storm and Britt gets two off a neckbreaker, and all three are down. We get a silly double-team in the corner with Britt doing a rollup on Storm, while Storm suplexes Soho and puts her on the floor as a result. And Britt slugs it out with Storm and gets the neckbreaker for two. But then Saraya gets involved and sprays paint on Storm’s ass, setting up the hip attack in the corner, before Soho tosses Storm and pins Britt at 9:36. This was fine. **1/4.
Well they can’t all be PPV quality bangers, but the Texas Tornado match was pretty great for what it was and the rest was merely OK at worst. A perfectly acceptable TV show, although it felt like kind of a flashback to the pandemic era at times with the dead crowd and goofy stuff like the super-obvious planted fan in the main event. I tell you though, I think they may have done permanent damage to the Acclaimed with last week’s loss because they didn’t feel anywhere near as hot as they did as champions.