The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 02.08.23
“Championship Fight Night”
Live from El Paso, TX
Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Taz
MJF v. Konosuke Takeshita
Takeshita falls for the old fake handshake and gets clobbered, but he immediately comes back with the Warrior clothesline and a jumping knee strike. MJF hides behind the ref and then takes Takeshita down and goes to work on the arm as the crowd does a “Let’s go Maxwell / Maxwell sucks” chant. MJF with a hammerlock DDT for two and he stays on the arm, but Takeshita puts him into the corner with an exploder. Takeshita with the running boots in the corner, but MJF rolls him up for two. But then he gets cocky in the corner and Takeshita hits another running boot to knock him silly and then follows with the brainbuster for two. Takeshita goes up with a frog splash for two, but he lands on the arm and hurts it further. MJF tries a piledriver, but Takeshita reverses him into a tombstone and then flows into a wheelbarrow suplex, so MJF retreats to the floor. Takeshita tries a dive and misses as MJF continues suckering him into bad ideas, and Max goes back to the arm again until Takeshita runs him into the ringpost to fight him off. Back in the ring, Takeshita tries a moonsault, but Max brings him down “in the yambag region” and they fight on the top rope. Takeshita hits him with a lariat on the top, but Max lands on his feet and they trade bombs until they both go down for the double down. Takeshita gets two off that, but MJF pops up with the Fujiwara armbar, which Takeshita rolls over for two. He tosses MJF and hits him with a tope con hilo and back in the ring for a running knee, but MJF bails to the floor again to avoid that. Back in the ring, MJF hides behind the ref again and goes low to take over again, then works the arm again before missing a kneedrop. They slug it out and MJF rakes the eyes, but now his knee is hurt and he foolishly powerbombs Takeshita onto his bad knee. Takeshita with a Blue Thunder Bomb for two and the running knee for two, but MJF is in the ropes. So Takeshita drags him to the middle and tries a springboard senton, only for MJF to move and goes back to the armbar again. And this time Takeshita can’t escape and taps out at 13:19. Afterwards, he lays out Takeshita with the ring and busts him open, but Bryan Danielson makes the save. Man I really wish they’d quit using Takeshita as a setup guy and find one of the 21 titles in the company that he could run with. ROH World champion perhaps? ***1/2
Jamie Hayter v. The Bunny
Butcher somehow looks even more badass with a shaved head now. They gotta start putting those guys back on TV again. Hayter takes her down with a headlock and pounds her down with shoulderblocks, but Bunny gets an elbow out of the corner and the Tarantula choke. Hayter suplexes her back into the ring, but Bunny necks her on the ropes and then suplexes her on the stairs outside as we take a break. Back with Penelope Ford ripping up Britt’s Hayter sign, while Hayter suplexes Bunny in the ring and then finishes with the lariat at 6:11. That suplex looked problematic and hopefully Bunny is OK. Match was mostly during the break. *
Meanwhile, Toni and Saraya abuse and spraypaint poor Leva Bates.
Meanwhile, MJF relates a story about getting a blowjob in his Camaro back in high school, causing him to be in a car accident. So he switched seats when the cops got there, because otherwise he might have lost his license. Who says chivalry is dead? Anyway, that taught him a lesson about overcoming adversity and he’s gonna use that to beat Bryan Danielson. Man you can’t say MJF isn’t committed to being the worst human being in the world if it’ll help him get heat.
Garcia-Guevara Gauntlet Match: Ricky Starks v. Angelo Parker
Parker gets a suplex for two and dropkick, then rolls Starks up for two. Ricky spears him and pins him at 1:09, however.
Ricky Starks v. Matt Menard
And Starks rolls him up and pins him at 1:33.
Ricky Starks v. Daniel Garcia
Daniel attacks him from behind and chokes away in the corner, then whips Starks into the corner and puts him down with an elbow. We take a break and return with Garcia catching him in a guillotine, but Starks powerbombs out of it and heads to the top. Garcia cuts him off and brings him down with a superplex, but Starks rolls him into a powerbomb for two. They fight to the apron and Ricky spears him out there, but a masked fan at ringside hits Starks with a Judas Effect and knocks him out for the pin at 10:24, then SHOCKINGLY reveals himself to be Chris Jericho. Garcia’s over the top surprise act there was great. So no Starks v. Jericho match tonight, although obviously they’re headed towards the PPV. Whole thing was about **1/2
Meanwhile, the Acclaimed and Billy Gunn have agreed that Daddy Ass will remain backstage tonight for the title match.
Meanwhile, Bryan Danielson checks on Takeshita while Renee tries to interview him, but someone slams the door on them and locks it from the other side.
Rush v. Bryan Danielson
MJF gleefully comes out to demand a countout win, but Aubrey counts extra slow and Takeshita is able to break down the door and let Bryan sprint to the ring. Rush immediately dropkicks Bryan’s shoulder and goes to work on it, but Bryan fights back with chops until Rush puts him down with a german suplex and knee strike. They head to the floor and Rush runs the shoulder into various railings. Bryan is busted open and Rush goes to work on the cut and Danielson is wearing a CRIMSON MASK, spattering blood on the cameras, and we take a break. Back with Bryan making a comeback with a dive to the floor and then following with a dropkick into the railing. Back in the ring, Danielson goes up with a missile dropkick and beats on Rush with the Si Kicks. They trade chops and absolutely lay it in with crazy shots, until Danielson goes down in the corner and Rush puts the boots to him. Danielson fights back again, but Rush puts him down with an elbow and piledrives him for two. Rush with the Bull’s Horns, but Bryan counters with the bu saiku knee for two. They slug it out again and trade headbutts now and this is just nuts. And then Rush wants more, so they trade more bombs and Rush suplexes him, but Bryan rolls through it and hits another bu saiku knee to advance to Revolution. Man Rush has completely eclipsed Andrade in every facet at this point. ****1/2. And MJF hits the ring again and armbars Danielson until security pulls him off into the break.
Meanwhile, Q & Murr of the Impractical Jokers have stolen Chris Jericho’s bat in an hilarious bit of WBD corporate synergy.
World Trios title: The Elite v. Top Flight & AR Fox
Dante flips around Nick to start and the Bucks get triple-teamed in the Top Flight corner. Nick makes a tag to Matt behind Darius’s back and the Bucks show off THEIR double-team skills, and that brings Omega in for some chops, and we take a break. Back with Matt continuing to work Darius over, but he fights back with the Spanish Fly and Nick saves. AR Fox comes in and hits Omega with a rolling cutter and then has one for the Bucks as well. The Bucks bail and Fox hits them with a dive, then dives on Kenny, and then dives back on the Bucks again. Back in the ring with a swanton on Kenny for two. Kenny pops up to the top, but Fox brings him down with a flatliner and it’s back to Dante. He flips over the Bucks, but Matt rolls him up and then hits Darius and Fox with a double northern lights for two in an incredible spot. Back to Nick, but Darius DDTs him for two and Matt saves. Fox gets a dive on the entourage outside and Top Flight hits the Nosedive on Nick, and Fox follows with a 450 for two as Kenny makes the save. Fox tries another flatliner on Nick, but Omega saves with a dragon suplex, setting off a series of big moves that ends with the Bucks triple-teaming Fox for two. The Bucks get rid of Top Flight and Nick dives onto them, but Fox dodges a V-Trigger and rolls up Kenny for two. Kenny comes back with a powerbomb on Fox for two and another V-Trigger, which sets up the One Winged Angel, but Fox rolls him up for two, and they trade reversals until Kenny ends up on top for the pin at 14:17 to retain after about 17 heart attack near falls at the end there. ****3/4.
Well this has been quite the show.
Meanwhile, Stokely Hathaway has some problems with Hook. But then Hook comes up from behind and Stokely offers to get mac and cheese with him in Harlem.
AEW World tag team title: The Acclaimed v. The Gunns
Caster takes Colton down with an armdrag and Bowens comes in for some chops in the corner, setting up Scissor Me Timbers and we take a break. Back with the Gunns double-teaming Caster as Austin gets two, but the Gunns both miss blind charges and it’s hot tag Bowens. Bowens beats on them both with elbows and hits Austin with the guillotine legdrop for two. It’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA and everyone is down after a malfunction at the junction, but Bowens accidentally takes out the ref in a dramatic bump. Austin grabs the belt, which brings out Daddy Ass, but Colton knocks his own father out with the other belt. The Acclaimed double-team Austin, but the ref is still out and can only count to two. Bowens with a rollup for two, but Colton hits him with the belt and Austin gets the pin and the titles at 10:40?!? BOOOOOOOOOO. The match was pretty crap and man what a downer of an ending to the Acclaimed’s reign. **. But I’m sure that’s the reaction I’m supposed to have, so well played if so.
Well, main event bummer aside, this was another all-timer in terms of in-ring action, with two of the best matches of the year back-to-back, so we should all just be happy we’re getting this caliber of wrestling on free TV, and thus have a civil discussion about how great it is to be a wrestling fan in 2023.