The SmarK Rant for AEW Dark – 02.07.23
Normally I would review Elevation but this week was a special one for Dark, so the main YouTube show gets my attention instead!
Taped from Orlando, FL
Your hosts are Excalibur & Taz
Serpentico v. Blake Christian
Serpentico’s group of geeks has new music, but sadly Angelico is having trouble grooving to it and doesn’t join him at ringside. They trade wristlock takedowns and Serpentico takes him down with a flatliner for two. Blake fights back with chops and Serpentico superkicks him down and then does an assisted headbutt for two, although Luther was only there in spirit for it. Blake fights back with chops in the corner and a snap suplex, but Serpentico rolls him up for two. Blake tosses him and follows with a dive, and back in with a springboard knee and ripcord Spanish Fly, then a 450 to finish at 4:24. 1 for 1.
Rush v. Aiden Park
Rush blasts poor Park to the floor with a shotgun dropkick and then destroys him on the floor with the cable. WHY DO THEY KEEP LEAVING THAT THING UNDER THE RING? I’m starting to think wrestling might not be on the up and up. Back in the ring, Park tries to fight back and Rush beats on him in the corner, but Park keeps slugging. Rush wins that battle and puts the boots to him in the corner, but then fakes the dropkick and does his pose instead. But then a second one is not faked and that finishes at 3:17. Just a normal Rush squash. 1 for 2.
Kiera Hogan v. Megan Meyers
Taz has a whole wacky thing about “inside baseball terms for all the insider fans who love that stuff” and Excalibur is losing it. Meyers manages to put Hogan in the corner with a dropkick, but Kiera puts her down with a back elbow and then hits a legdrop for two. She KICKED OUT OF HOGAN’S LEGDROP! Taz naturally has the same reaction I did. Hogan with a high kick and backdrop suplex to finish at 2:41. Good thing, I don’t think Megan’s gear was going to last much longer without falling off her. 1 for 3.
Dalton Castle v. Dante Casanova
I still don’t know why Dalton hasn’t been put on AEW TV as a regular yet, but maybe he’ll be a featured guy on the ROH tapings that are apparently totally happening in a couple of weeks. Also Dante Casanova is an AMAZING wrestling name. The announcers riffing on Castle’s endlessly complex entrance is great stuff. Castle loses a lockup battle and hits the floor for some motivation from the Boys, and that does some wonders for him. Back in, Dalton with a short DDT for two while Excalibur points out that there’s a lot of (Radio) Ga Ga in this match. I see what he did there. Castle goes for a takedown and can’t get it, so he retreats to the floor and complains that the reversal should have been ILLEGAL. Back in the ring, Dante hits a big boot, but Dalton deadlifts him with a suplex and then hits a few more for fun. Running knee in the corner sets up the BANGARANG for the pin at 4:20. More Dalton Castle is always a good thing. 2 for 4.
Slim J v. Mascara Dorada
Slim J’s entrance is amazing, as he throws off his wife beater and then pulls out a fresh one and puts it on for the match. Dorada wins a takedown battle to frustrate J, and they both try dropkicks and reach a stalemate. Dorada does a nice ropewalk into a dropkick and Slim bails to the floor, drawing Dorada out there for a beatdown from the Trustbusters. Man if you’re getting outsmarted by THESE guys you’re hopeless. Back in the ring, Slim J gets a diving DDT for two. Sonny and VSK get some more cheapshots from the floor, but Dorada fights back with a backbreaker. J takes him down with a chinlock, but Dorada fights him off and sends him to the floor, then follows with a dive onto all the Trustbuster geeks. Back in with a flying splash for two. Slim takes him down with a backstabber for two and goes up to finish, but he makes the fatal error of yelling “Money” before trying a moonsault and that misses, allowing Dorada to finish with his own moonsault at 7:40. This was fun. 3 for 5.
THE OUTRUNNERS v. Logan Cruz & Tyshaun Perez
Yes, it’s the reason for the YouTube ratings, Truth Magnum and Turbo Floyd! Floyd overpowers Perez and FLEXES, like in the good old days, and Magnum comes in and drops an elbow on Cruz. Excalibur notes that there’s some “Surfer Ray Odyssey energy” on the Outrunners and that’s too far for Taz! They double-team Cruz with necksnaps in the corner and Truth gets a chop so vicious he has to spin in celebration, and a double team powerslam finishes at 3:10. I’m just amazed that two guys who are obviously so young and hip to the youth of today could even know anything about the 80s! And then we get a bonus as the Outrunners get PROMO TIME. They are the SPEEDBOAT DREAMBOATS and we ain’t seen nothing yet! This gets 93,173 stars.
Baliyan Akki v. Rico Gonzalez
Don’t know either of these guys but no one is following the Outrunners so I don’t know why they’re even bothering. Akki grabs a headlock to start and then blocks a rana before beating him down with a kick. Akki with a backbreaker and more kicks before going to the top with a missile dropkick for two. Gonzalez decides to fight back with chops, but Akki hits him with a combination of kicks for two. Gonzalez gets a rana and a Lionsault for two, however. Backbreaker from Akki and a roundhouse kick gets two, and a fisherman’s buster sets up a flying splash to finish at 3:47. After all that a splash feels like an anticlimactic finish, but Akki had some good fire. 5 for 7.
Konosuke Takeshita v. EJ Nduka
Nduka gets some shoulderblocks in the corner, but Takeshita puts him down with the Warrior clothesline and then cracks him with an elbow strike. Nduka blocks the powerbomb and spears him, then hits a Blue Thunder Bomb for two, although he didn’t get much elevation on it. Takeshita gets his own Blue Thunder Bomb for two but Nduka dodges the knee and tries another spear. Takeshita puts him down with a brainbuster, however, and finishes with the running knee at 4:11. I don’t know why Nduka’s problem was here but he wasn’t going up for Takeshita’s stuff and seemingly kept trying to get himself over. It didn’t work. If you can’t have a good match with TAKESHITA then what’s even the point? I don’t think we’re gonna see him back very much. 5 for 8.
I still tend to enjoy Elevation more but this was a fun show, although the very small Impact Zone crowd gave me pandemic era vibes and that’s not ideal.