The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro – 10.27.97
LAST NIGHT! There was a cage match at Halloween Havoc and stuff happened in that cage. Will more stuff happen tonight? TUNE INTO NITRO TO FIND OUT!
Live from San Diego, CA
Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Iron Mike Tenay & Bobby Heenan
Hollywood Hogan joins us to start, and he’s got the belt back from Roddy Piper. So naturally he declares himself to be God and challenges anyone in the rafters or in the crowd to get in the ring and take him on, which doesn’t get him any takers. So he shills his movie and nWo is 4 life and blah blah blah. Complete waste of time. But they’ve got 3 hours to burn so I guess that’s kind of the point.
WCW Cruiserweight title: Rey Mysterio v. Dean Malenko
I’m not sure if anyone is aware of this, but I’ve heard Rey is from San Diego, and that might be an interesting fact for someone in WCW to bring up here. They trade takedowns to start and Rey armdrags Dean to escape a gutbuster, and a sunset flip gets two. They trade wristlocks while Raven and his growing Flock distract the crowd by heading down to ringside, notably missing Stevie Richards now. Meanwhile Rey gets a cradle for two and reverses a powerbomb attempt for two. Jackknife cradle gets two. Rey tries a victory roll and Malenko reverses for two. Rey goes up and Dean brings him down with the exploding gutbuster from the top, which gets two. Dean tries a rollup and Rey counters out and springboards with a rana, which Malenko blocks, but Rey reverses the cloverleaf into a cradle for the pin to retain at 4:50. Ridiculously short but all action. ***1/4
Meanwhile, the Iron Professor takes another look at Lucha Libre & The Mexican Luchadors. These were really well done.
La Parka v. Glacier
Apparently this is a grudge match based on a throwaway screwjob finish from August. Well they’re trying. Also Tony brags that a lot of people made the trip from Tijuana to see the show tonight. OPEN BORDERS. La Parka is immediately over as a babyface thanks to waving a Mexican flag and shows off his martial arts skills, and he puts Glacier down with a pair of shoulderblocks for two. Glacier boots him to the floor and Parka takes an awkward bump onto the back of his head, allowing Glacier to follow with a pescado. Back in, Parka hits him with a spinkick for two and follows with a piledriver. This warrants some celebration so he does the La Parka Dance and then tosses Glacier and hits him with his own dive. Parka puts him in a chair and goes up, but Glacier crotches him to bring him down again and then tosses him onto the chair facefirst. Back in the ring, Glacier with the Cryonic Kick to finish at 3:55. Well that was remarkably tone deaf even by WCW standards but par for the course given how they wasted La Parka for years. Match kind of ruled though. **3/4.
Diamond Dallas Page joins Mean Gene and he’s sick of the garbage spewed by Hogan. So he’s accepting the open challenge.
Larry Zbyszko joins Mean Gene and he wants to wrestle Scott Hall any time and any where. So Hall and Syxx interrupt and Hall sounds so wasted that he needs to practically hang onto Syxx to remain upright. So he does a shoutout to Big Kev and they do the “down where” gag that never really got over, and Hall just kind of meanders around while Larry tries to do a serious promo. Real bad.
Stevie Ray v. Lex Luger
So after all the weeks of forcing Disco Inferno to face Jacquelyn at Halloween Havoc, there’s zero followup and she’s just back to managing Harlem Heat again the next night. Lex works a headlock on Stevie to start, but Stevie slugs him down and puts the boots to him. Stevie with a powerslam for two. He runs Lex into the corner as they’re just sleepwalking through this. Lex makes the comeback with his clotheslines and STAINLESS STEEL FOREARM OF DOOM to set up the rack, but Stevie grabs the top rope to block. So Lex powerslams and finishes him with the Torture Rack at 5:46. *
Meanwhile, Raven hides in his tree house, in a vignette that appears to have been shot in a 16×9 aspect radio and then squeezed into 4×3 for some reason.
HOUR #2! THE HOUR THAT GIVES SEAN ROSS SAPP ALL HIS SCOOPS!
Eddie Guerrero v. Chris Jericho
The overdubbing of Jericho’s WWE theme here is never not hilarious. Eddie takes him down and goes for the bad arm to start, but Jericho chops him away. Eddie tries for the arm again, but Jericho puts him down with a tilt a whirl backbreaker. Eddie catches him out of the corner and puts him down with a shoulderbreaker before going to the shoulder tape and following with a dropkick to the taped shoulder. They slug it out and Jericho gets a german suplex with some hangtime on it for two. That was like a Brock suplex. Lionsault misses and he huts his shoulder on the bump, so Eddie goes up to capitalize. Jericho crotches him and brings him down with a superplex, but he can’t get the Liontamer because his shoulder is too hurt. Eddie kicks him in the shoulder some more and tries the powerbomb, but Jericho backdrops him to the floor. However, the effort of that rips up the shoulder, and Eddie immediately flies back in with the frog splash to finish at 5:00. Crowd was dead but this was GREAT. ***1/2.
Chris Benoit v. Fit Finlay
Finlay is back after his initial cup of coffee in 1996 and obviously he stuck around this time. The announcers point out that Benoit approaches every match and situation like he has a personal vendetta. That’s an understatement. Benoit just chops the fuck out of him to start, but Finlay no-sells it, so Benoit drops him with a back suplex. Enzuigiri puts Fit on the floor and Benoit follows with a baseball slide, but Finlay pulls him out and drops him on the railing before running him into the post. Back in, Fit drops an elbow for two, but Benoit fights back with chops, so Finlay SWEEPS THE LEG and goes to a surfboard. Finlay goes up with a pump splash for two. They head to the floor and Finlay accidentally punches the post and he does NOT pull it. So Benoit beats on him with more chops, but Finlay runs him into the railing. Back in, Finlay with a cannonball in the corner, but Benoit puts him down with a german suplex and goes up for the diving headbutt to finish at 5:18. Holy shit what a stiff match this was. ***1/2. For those who think that Meltzer fat-shaming people is a recent development, he calls Finlay “Not-So-Fit” in the Observer in recapping this match. For shame.
Kind of wish that the matches were longer than 5:00 each tonight but you can’t complain about the quality.
Ric Flair joins Mean Gene and if Hennig shows up in San Diego, he’s a dead man. Also he’s facing Randy Savage later tonight and apparently there’s no drugs, but there will be sex and violence. I’d dispute at least one of those claims. Mostly the first one. Also Flair clarifies that it’s Elizabeth who will be having sex with him later.
Scotty Riggs v. Raven
Raven finally makes his Nitro debut in the ring, and you’ll be relieved to know that Stevie is back with him again, although I didn’t catch what his wacky sign was this week. The ripoff music for Raven sounds like Pearl Jam’s “Alive”, although I’m not sure if that was what he was using at the time or if this is a dubbing thing. So Raven introduces his ongoing gimmick of every match being “Raven’s Rules”, and does a promo where he points out that Riggs hasn’t won a match in six months and should join the Flock. Riggs declines, so Raven beats the shit out of him in the corner and gets a chair from Saturn for the DROP TOEHOLD OF DOOM. Riggs blocks that, but a second try works and Riggs sells an eye injury, so Nick Patrick stops the match at 1:30. Which lead to Riggs wearing an eyepatch for the next year. Sorry, spoiler alert. DUD
Hollywood Hogan v. Diamond Dallas Page
Hogan works the arm and takes him down in a hammerlock and kicks him in the ribs to take over. Hulk with an Axe bomber to put him down for two and he follows with a high knee, but Page goes for the Diamond Cutter and Hulk runs away to escape that. Back in the ring, Page hits him with a lariat and Hogan runs away again. Back in the ring, Hulk gets a cheapshot and does his usual lazy heel offense for a while, but Page gets a neckbreaker for two. Hulk with an atomic drop for two. Clothesline out of the corner gets two and a suplex gets two as Hulk seems to be actually making an effort now because the audience for this was probably HYOOOOOOOOOOOGE. DDP makes a comeback and chases Hulk to the floor, but Hulk fires back with the big boot to put him down. The BIG NASTY STINKING WART INFESTED GIANT KILLING LEGDROP misses, but “Sting” runs in and DDP takes him out with a Diamond Cutter for the DQ at 11:25. And Hulk calls for the nWo beatdown on Page after what ended up as a pretty damn good match for Hogan. *** So with all the nWo geeks lined up, the actual Sting comes out of the crowd and fights them all off by himself as the Nielsen ratings were probably causing the tabulating computers to malfunction and explode. So yeah, this was all pretty awesome and probably should have ended the show, but there’s still another hour to go.
WCW World TV title: Disco Inferno v. Bill Goldberg
Yeah as if this is actually going to happen. And indeed Alex Wright tries to attack Goldberg during his entrance and gets laid out as a result, and then Goldberg quickly jackhammers Disco as well, although the bell never rang so there’s no match. And Mongo comes out to brawl with Goldberg as well to continue dragging Bill down with THAT anchor of a feud.
Hollywood Hogan joins us again and he’s got nothing to say, aside from being peeved with Sting. So this was a setup for “Assault on Devil’s Island” the next night on TNT, with the gimmick being that they would “cut away” from the movie at some point for a press conference with Bischoff and Hogan where they would finally sign the contract for the Sting match. Spoiler: They had a 30 second segment 80 minutes into the movie where Sting broke down the door and had a staredown with Hulk, but never actually signed the contract.
The Steiner Brothers join Mean Gene, as Scott immediately loses his train of thought and Gene pulls him back in and gets him going again.
WCW World tag team title: The Steiner Brothers v. The Public Enemy
The Steiners chase Grunge to the floor as the announcers go ON AND ON about the contract signing during the movie, completely ignoring the match to the point where Tony apologizes for ignoring the match. And we take a break with absolutely nothing happening in the ring. Back with Tony STILL going on about the contract signing, probably all through the break as well for all we know, and Johnny drops Scott on the railing and does a little Eddie dance to take over. And the announcers go even more overboard with the hyperbole, calling the contract signing “the greatest thing in the history of pro wrestling” without a hint of irony and the most important moment in the history of the sport before it even happens. Grunge with a neckbreaker on Scott, but he fights back with a clothesline and makes the hot tag to Rick. And they quickly finish Rock with the bulldog at 7:10 as the announcers don’t even call the ending. Well the match sucked anyway. DUD
Tony promises that they’re gonna keep talking about the contract signing throughout the rest of the show, by the way.
US title: Curt Hennig v. Booker T
Yup, they’re still talking about and ignoring the match in the ring, as promised. The one time that wrestling announcers actually keep a promise and THAT’S what they go with. Hennig beats on Booker with chops as the match has no heat and the crowd is completely burned out after the Sting deal peaked it way earlier. Booker rolls him up for two and Hennig clotheslines him to the floor, but Booker comes back in with a rollup for two. This brings Liz down to the ring for some reason, and she takes the ref while Randy Savage drops an elbow on Booker for the DQ at 4:14. ½*. And then Flair comes out and chases off Hennig before starting a brawl with Savage as we take a break.
Randy Savage v. Ric Flair
We are well past the point where anyone cares what’s happening on this show. So this continues a brawl between Flair and Savage that started before the break, as this show is the textbook definition of “wearing out your welcome”. So they brawl through the crowd and at ringside, with Flair throwing chops that Finlay and Benoit would LAUGH about, and Flair kisses Liz for good measure. Into the ring to finally start the match (I think?) and Flair chops Savage some more and chokes him out until Liz pokes Ric in the eyes to break it up. Back to the floor as they continue to brawl, with Savage running him into the stairs, but Flair fights back and beats on him with more chops. Savage goes up and misses the axehandle, doing a Pillman bump on the railing. Was that a tribute, I wonder? Back in the ring, Hennig runs in and I guess it’s a DQ, which is news to me because I didn’t know the match ever started, and Hennig and Savage double-team Flair to end the show on a weak note. Flair and Savage had a decent match for what it was, I guess. **1/2
Yeah definitely shut this one off after the Hogan-DDP match, although most of it before that was pretty damn good. Perils of a three hour show and learning to pace it, I guess.