The SmarK Rant for AEW Dark Elevation – 01.30.23
“100th Episode Anniversary Celebration Spectacular!”
TAPED FROM LEXINGTON, KY
YOUR HOSTS ARE PAUL WIGHT, IAN RICCABONI & MAGIC MATT MENARD
I’M AS EXCITED TO REVIEW THIS ONE HUNDREDTH EPISODE AS YOU ARE TO READ IT! I KNOW EVERYONE LOVES THESE AND LUCHA UNDERGROUND SO LET’S GET TO IT!
Red Velvet v. Billie Starkz
Velvet is already back into her stale babyface entrance and presentation that everyone got sick of in the first place. Starkz is apparently 18 years old, so good for her. She hits Velvet with a german suplex for two, but she goes up and Velvet brings her down with an Iconoclasm for two. We actually get a little inset ad for Fight Forever, which is the first time I’ve seen it mentioned on TV in forever. Velvet necks her on the ropes, but Starkz gets another german suplex for two. She goes up with a swanton for two, but Velvet rolls her over for two. Billie tries an electric chair, but Velvet takes her down with a poison rana and finishes with the Final Slice at 3:33. I have no idea if I’m supposed to be cheering Velvet because he worked like a heel here. Whatever, it was a fun opener and Starkz looked good for someone her age. 1 for 1.
Meanwhile, Athena gets rid of the interviewer and decides to interview herself, then wanders into the hall and finds Diamante hanging out. So she offers Diamante the honor of tagging with her tonight because she needs a partner, in exchange for a title shot down the line. And she even has glowsticks ready as a present! This was really funny and I’m glad to see Athena getting to show real personality in this role.
Alex Reynolds & John Silver v. Anthony Henry & JD Drake
The Workhorsemen actually get an entrance and Khan-Tron video and everything here. Also they’ve got coordinated tag team gear, which impresses Daddy Magic, even though it’s just match Walmart pants and boots. Silver puts Henry down with a shoulderblock and kicks him down while Daddy Magic critiques Henry’s green hairstyle. Wight: “Who are you to criticize? Do you even own a t-shirt?” Drake comes in and slams Silver and drops a headbutt for two off that, and Henry comes in with a suplex for two. Silver cradles for two and Reynolds gets the hot tag and runs wild on Henry with elbows before diving on Drake outside. Tiger Driver gets two. Henry runs Alex into Silver and Drake hits a Shining Wizard on Reynolds, into a frog splash from Henry for two. But then Henry accidentally dropkicks Drake and the Dark Order run wild again with their double-team finisher for the pin at 4:23. Another fun match. 2 for 2.
Rush v. Brian Pillman Jr
Oh man, Pillman’s new hairstyle makes him look UNCANNILY like his dad. If only he had the same talent to back up the look. Rush gives him the chop to start and rakes his face on the ropes, but Brian slugs back as the announcers slowly work in calling him “Flyin’ Brian” to try it out. Maybe they should go with “Tryin’ Brian” because he wants to be his dad so badly. Rush takes him to the floor and just smashes knees into his head against the railing, and then Preston Vance gets some shots in as well. Back in the ring, they exchange chops and Brian reddens Rush’s chest and follows with a dropkick, but Rush sends him into the corner and finishes with the shotgun dropkick at 4:13. Eh, Pillman was up for it here but didn’t last long. 3 for 3.
Athena & Diamante v. Skye Blue & Yuka Sakazaki
Skye and Yuka double-team Diamante for two while Athena criticizes her partner’s technique. So then Athena comes in to show how it’s done and beats on Skye, but Skye kicks her into the corner and goes up, only for the heels to bring her down and double-team her on the floor. Athena is so proud of Diamante that she gives her a pat on the head. Back in the ring, Diamante slugs away in the corner while Wight admits that “he’s had more turns than NASCAR during his career”, and Athena comes in and cuts off the ring, carrying Blue back to the corner and putting the boots to her. Diamante with a snap suplex, but Skye fights her off and makes the hot tag to the Magical Girl. She hits a lariat on Athena and goes up with a missile dropkick. Stalling slam gets two. Diamante superkicks Yuka to break it up. Athena gets in trouble against Yuka and she casually staggers over and tags Diamante in and then bails to the floor and claims an ankle injury. And Yuka finishes Diamante with a spinning slam at 7:20. Athena thinks about attacking the faces but then calls her own X and decides to be injured again because it’s 3-on-1. 4 for 4.
Tony Nese & Ari Daivari v. Top Flight
Mark Sterling has an amazing bit where he informs us that Kentucky law states everyone in the state has to shower once a year, and by the smell it appears the crowd is in violation. But Daivari is so rich that he’s bought a bar of soap for everyone in the arena and put it under every seat. And then he notes that anyone who reached under the seat is guilty. He’s not a very good lawyer but he’s damn funny. Top Flight double-teams Diavari and Darius gets a standing moonsault for two, but Nese necks him on the top rope to take over while the announcers namedrop Randy Savage. They put the boots to Darius in the corner, but he comes back with the double rana on them and makes the hot tag to Dante, who flies all over on Nese and hits a high cross for two. Dante dumps him and hits a dive, which sets off a chain of dives. Back in the ring, Nese catches Dante with a gutbuster to cut him off again, and they hit a double-team slam for two. Darius clotheslines Nese to the floor and makes the comeback, but Ari superkicks him, so Dante comes in with the Nosedive to finish at 5:10. This was about as much action as you could pack into 5:00. 5 for 5.
Meanwhile, Yuka Sakazaki is offered a spot in the Dark Order, but she answers “Hai” and wacky misunderstandings result.
The Kings of the Black Throne v. Turbo Floyd & Truth Magnum
The geeks have the BEST WRESTLING NAMES EVER and gear right out of 1988 but I don’t like their chances. Seriously, it’s like a buddy cop movie come to life and I AM HERE FOR IT. Black has not much trouble with Truth, so we get the epic showdown of Turbo Floyd and Brody King and Daddy Magic is losing his mind with excitement. And Brody murders him with the lariat for two, as even the weight belt didn’t save him. And the Ganso Bomb finishes at 3:03. SHUT IT DOWN. They’re not topping this one. 7 for 6. This was pro wrestling at its most purely awesome and was only slightly below the Sami Zayn angle at Royal Rumble as far as justifying the existence of the sport. People are gonna reminisce on Twitter in 20 years about where they were when they first saw this one.
ROH World title: Claudio Castagnoli v. Blake Christian
Claudio dropkicks Blake and works on the arm, then takes him down and drops a leg on him for two. Blake flips over him and low bridges Claudio to the floor, but he misses a dive and Claudio press slams him onto the apron, the HARDEST PART OF THE RING. And he runs Blake into the ringpost for good measure. Back in the ring, Claudio with a lariat for two. Blake fights back and tries a bodypress, but Claudio catches him in a tilt a whirl slam for two. Claudio works on the back, but Blake fights back with a bulldog and handsprings into a kick, before spearing Claudio onto the apron and follows with a Fosbury Flop. Back in the ring, he keeps coming with a double stomp to the back for two. They slug it out and Blake tries a backslide, but Claudio reverses to the Giant Swing, and Blake counters into a rollup for two. Death valley driver and 450 get two. Claudio catches him and murders him with a powerbomb, and then it’s Giant Swing time and Christian has had enough at 7:20. Great stuff. 8 for 7.
Best Dark Elevation episode ever? I think that’s pretty obvious.