The SmarK Rant for Coliseum Video presents WrestleFest ’92: WWF SUPERSTARS ACTION!
Released July 23 1992
Might as well finish off the WrestleFest series with this one and the sequel next time. Never watched this one as a part of the original Coliseum Video rant series as far as I can tell.
Your hosts are Mean Gene & Bobby the Brain, who are playing tennis, although Bobby confuses it with ping pong. “It’s a great game, you play it with a Chinese guy and then he brings you an egg roll”.
Shawn Michaels v. Virgil
From MSG in March of 92, shortly after Shawn’s heel turn, which is always funny because having Sherri sing the song always throws me off. Virgil has the Pac face guard at this point, as Sean describes him as “the former street tough bodyguard”. He’s so badass he’ll stab you with a fork he stole from Olive Garden while enjoying the Tour of Italy! Shawn stupidly hits him in the face in the corner and hurts his hand on the guard, so Sherri nurses him back to health on the apron. Whew. He almost suffered a crippling knee injury there and might have had to vacate a title. Virgil chases him around the ring, where Bobby Heenan and Gorilla are doing commentary for the MSG broadcast, and Mooney claims that they’re doing “a simulcast for the Armed Forces Network”. Because this is a Coliseum exclusive, you see. Hope Sean can sit still with his PANTS ON FIRE. Back in the ring, Virgil takes him down with a headlock as Mooney notes that Virgil has spent hundreds of hours in the ring “just practicing”. No wonder he didn’t have any money when he left the business. Shawn tosses him to escape that headlock and then pulls off the nose guard and punches him in the schnoz to take over. Shawn slugs away on him and continues working on him, although the psychology here is a little too on the nose for me. Boot to the face gets two. Shawn goes to a chinlock while Mooney relates the nose injury he suffered while engaged in an intense game of squash one time. And then they discuss romantic entanglements and Mooney notes with Alfred’s previous women, the term “a little mileage but not all highway” is appropriate. Shawn continues punching him in the nose for the heat, but Virgil gets a backslide for two, only for Shawn to clothesline him back down for two. Shawn runs him into the turnbuckle, but Virgil fights back with an atomic drop and makes the generic babyface comeback. But then he misses a blind charge and Shawn finishes him with the Teardrop suplex at 12:13. This was a complete bore. *1/2
WWF tag team title: Money Inc. v. The Bushwhackers
Oh man, another dream match I never knew I needed, now presented here on WrestleFest as an exclusive. Actually from Prime Time Wrestling on April 7 with redubbed commentary. IRS gets the HOT FIRE promo of a lifetime, calling out the Bushwhackers for cheating on their taxes! OH NO HE DIDN’T! Money Inc. attack and lay out the Whackers, but they come back with bites to the ass and Money Inc. bails to regroup from this. The champs double-team Butch in the corner for a bit to take over, but IRS misses a blind charge and Butch bulldogs him. They hit both heels with the battering ram to clear the ring again. Back in the ring, we get another double-team and now Luke gets beat up for a while, as IRS necks him on the top rope for two. To the abdominal stretch and Money Inc switches off behind the ref’s back, brutally stretching Luke’s abdomen to the point where permanent muscle damage probably results. IRS with a chinlock, but Luke catches Dibiase with his head down and makes the hot tag to Butch. Battering ram on IRS gets two, but Jimmy Hart comes in behind the ref’s back and Butch takes care of him. But that allows IRS to hit Butch from behind because he’s a complete moron, and he drops an elbow for the pin at 8:30 to retain. This was weird because it wasn’t really a Bushwhacker match at all, and it was just kind of a normal babyface “shine and heat” tag match and it was fine. ** I wouldn’t call it something I’d go out of my way to watch or anything, but it’s always interesting to see that guys known for doing the one type of match for years can totally do a normal tag match and just always choose not to.
Back at the tennis court, Gene teaches Bobby about serving. So Bobby calls over a waitress and has drinks served. “You stiffed her!” notes Gene. “That’s OK, everyone stiffs her” Bobby replies.
The British Bulldog v. Rick Martel
Another Prime Time Wrestling match redubbed into a Coliseum exclusive, sometime around March of 1992 like the other matches on the tape. Bulldog with a headlock that messes up Martel’s carefully coifed hair, although Bulldog denies any wrongdoing in that regard. Martel bails to the apron to escape and Bulldog hauls him back in and switches to the armbar this time. Martel tosses him to break and then chokes out Bulldog in the corner before blocking a blind charge with a kneelift for two. Bulldog with clotheslines and Martel decides to think it over on the floor, but Bulldog chases him back in for a sunset flip that gets the pin at 5:20. Well that was disappointingly short. *1/2
Bret Hart gets a profile on this one, and he’s honored and thankful for the opportunity. So we get the finish of Summerslam 91, as Bret wins the IC title for the first time from the reanimated corpse of Mr. Perfect and somehow gets a **** match out of him. Also we get the finish of his epic title defense against Skinner from This Tuesday In Texas, although I prefer their rematch from This Wednesday in Wetaskiwin, which had the emotional punch this one was lacking. Also Bret had Alberta premier Ralph Klein in his corner for support, and Skinner brought a snarky cartoon alligator named Al E. Gator, voiced by Jim Cornette but with motion capture done by Stan Lane, so you had potential for a tag team match coming out of it as well.
Intercontinental title: Bret Hart v. The Barbarian
This is thankfully not the same match from 1990 that was already on a bunch of different compilations, but rather another repurposed Wrestling Challenge dark match, from Springfield MA. I don’t have the exact date but they had a bunch of house show matches in November of 1991 so I’m assuming that’s the time period it’s from. Barbarian overpowers Bret and sends him to the floor to start. Back in, Bret can’t put him down with a shoulderblock as Alfred notes that “he ran into the Wall of Jericho there.” Well hopefully he can break the wall down. Bret lures him into an attack, however, and takes him down with an armbar off that. Bret works the arm on the mat, but Barbarian takes him to the floor and runs him into the post to take over. Back in the ring, Bret Hart takes the Bret Hart Bump in the corner and Barbarian puts the boots to him and follows with a backbreaker for two. Barbarian with the Barbar-hug, but Bret uses the eyepoke to escape that. Barbarian continues slowly beating on Bret in the corner, but a blind charge misses and Bret gets a clothesline for two. Bret with the middle rope elbow for two. Legsweep gets two. Sunset flip, but Barbarian blocks it and Bret pulls him down for two. Barbarian with a delayed suplex, so delayed it should be called the new Suicide Squad game, and that gets two. Another suplex, but Bret reverses to an inside cradle for the pin to retain at 12:31. Nothing mind-blowing here but Bret got a good match out of him. ***
Bobby continues to learn tennis from the Mystery Opponent, who it turns out is a very bored looking “Monica Seles’ sister’s best friend’s tennis partner”. Bobby still can’t hit anything and decides to go take a break.
The Nasty Boys v. The Natural Disasters
Another one from Prime Time, which has to be sometime around March of 92 again since it’s post-turn for the Disasters. Typhoon slams Sags to start and chases him out of the ring, and it’s over to Knobbs. Quake overpowers him and drops an elbow, but Sags gets a cheapshot from the apron with the megaphone and the Nasties take over with the clubbering forearms. Sags tries a sunset flip and Quake sits on him for two. Even the heat machine is bored by this one. Typhoon comes in and takes care of Jimmy Hart and Quake just drops an elbow on Knobbs for the pin at 6:41. This was NO GOOD. DUD
WWF World title: Randy Savage v. IRS
Another Prime Time match, from Kalamazoo shortly after WM8. You know, given the percentage of Savage’s earnings that came from Slim Jim sponsorships, it’s not entirely out of the realm of possibility that Savage might actually have been cheating on his taxes with creative accounting. Alfred notes that Savage wanted an easier challenger here, but Jack Tunney forced him to take the challenge of IRS, “who is the most logical #1 contender”. Hayes has been doing the heel act for the whole tape, by the way, but this is the most blatant example. Savage works a headlock and chases Irwin to the floor, and back in for an atomic drop that sends IRS to the floor again. Back in the ring, Macho with the double axehandle for two. But then he goes after Jimmy and IRS hits him from behind and uses his array of cheap heat moves to take over. Macho with a sunset flip for two, but Irwin drops an elbow on him for two. IRS with the abdominal stretch, but the ref catches him using the ropes and Savage gets a rollup for two. Irwin with the chinlock and he uses the ropes for that as well as we just leisurely move through all of the lazy heel greatest hits. And then he goes up and lands on Savage’s boot, allowing Macho Man to make the comeback. IRS hits the Write Off clothesline for two, but he accidentally runs into Jimmy Hart’s briefcase and Savage drops the big elbow for the pin at 11:11. This was every boring Randy Savage title defense from 1992-96 you’ve ever seen in your life, sell sell sell, big elbow, snap into a Slim Jim, collect your paycheque. *
Party Planning with The Berzerker! He kidnaps some guy backstage because it’s easier than sending out invites, and shows us how to entertain guests with gimmicks and finger sandwiches. Actually I’m not sure why they never let Nord do any talking during his run, he was actually really funny here.
Repo Man v. Tito Santana
Another Kalamazoo Klassic! Hell of a TV taping that must have been. Repo works the arm to start, but Tito responds with his own armdrags and then Repo also works the arm on the mat, but Tito makes the comeback and Repo Man hits him with the tow rope hook for the DQ at 7:40. Really, they’re protecting REPO MAN?! ½* This felt like they were literally laying on the mat for the entire match.
The Legion of Doom & The Natural Disasters v. The Nasty Boys & Money Inc.
And we finish with an 8 man tag, as the babyface side runs wild and clears the ring to start. Back in, the heels work Hawk over in the corner as Mooney notes that “Hawk has still not checked out.” Oh, I beg to differ. Animal gets the hot tag and then the Disasters quickly double-team Knobbs before it turns into a donnybrook and Quake sits on Sags and pins him at 8:00. There was absolutely nothing to this one, which likely took place at the end of a 5 hour TV taping. ¼* Hawk in particular could not have cared any less here.
Finally, Bobby tries to triumphantly jump the net and crotches himself, doing a high voice to sell it, and then a pair of women hit the court and blow right past him to Mean Gene instead.
The tennis court interludes were actually all really funny thanks to Bobby, but the rest of this was just another day at the office for everyone. Take a pass.