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The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 01.18.23

18th January 2023 by Scott Keith
Rants

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 01.18.23

Live from Fresno, CA, and in memory of Jay Briscoe.

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Taz

All Atlantic title: Orange Cassidy v. Jay Lethal

Although the Jarrett crew is unable to interfere tonight on threat of firing, they still have tickets at ringside so they can heckle. Orange goes for the Punch right away and misses, but recovers with a small package for two. Backslide gets two. Lethal sends him to the floor with a Flair Flip while Sonjay talks JJ out of interfering, but then Very Evil Usher Danhausen stops by and demands to see proper tickets while the Best Friends also take a seat at ringside. Back in the ring, Lethal necks Orange on the ropes and slugs away to take over. To the floor, where Lethal works him over and runs him into the post and we get some strutting to celebrate. Back in, snap suplex gets two. Lethal goes up and Cassidy casually rolls out of the way and then kicks Lethal into the corner to come back. Orange goes up with a bodypress and the stunner, and the tornado DDT gets two. Orange goes up again, but lands in the Lethal Combination and that gets two. Orange pops up for the Orange Punch, but walks into the Lethal Injection and wisely rolls to the floor to escape. Meanwhile the Best Friends troll Sonjay, which allows Danhausen to steal the guitar, and Orange gets a rollup for two and Orange Punch to retain at 9:05. Afterwards, the heels come in for the beatdown, but Sonjay gets fired if they do it, so Orange eggs him on with the kicks while Jarrett and Satnam desperately try to control themselves. A good opener with an appropriate amount of nonsense. ***

Top Flight v. The Young Bucks

Dante trades wristlocks with Nick and they dropkick to a stalemate, so Dante kicks him in the head to make a point. Matt comes in and Top Flight double-teams him, but the Bucks regroup with their own series of double-teams and we take a break. Back with the Bucks hitting Dante with a bulldog-dropkick combo and Risky Business for two. Dante fights back with an armdrag on Matt and makes the hot tag to Darius, and he cleans house on the Bucks and hits a Spanish Fly on Matt and a tope suicida on Nick in one motion. Back in with a bodypress on Matt for two. Back to Nick and he superkicks Darius into a tag, so Dante comes in and walks into the Meltzer setup. Darius saves and the Martins hit the powerbomb/Nose Dive combo on Matt for two, which is a pretty awesome finisher. Nick drags Matt back to the corner for the tag and hits the springboard facecrusher on Darius and Canadian Destroyer for two. They hit the Doomsday Device on Darius for two, but Dante saves and tosses Matt. He dumps Nick on top of Matt, but tries a dive and gets superkicked on the way down. Back in the ring, the Bucks try the BTE Trigger, but they miss it and Darius rolls up Matt for the pin at 12:23! Legitimately shocked by that one, but it’s been building to AEW pulling the trigger on them for a while now. Non stop action here. ***1/2

The Gunns join us after getting shoved into cement last week, and then the Acclaimed come out to retort and don’t even get to do their verse before the Gunns cut them off. So Max pulls rank as tag team champion and restarts the music for his rhyme, declaring the Gunns “the worst sons since Hunter Biden”. But then Billy Gunn breaks up the brawl and wants some family therapy next week.

Meanwhile, Renee chats with Hangman Page, who will gladly knock Moxley out again if given a chance. And then Page alludes to mending some fences that have needed mending for a while. Oooh they’re finally going there!

Jake Hager (with his Hat) v. Ricky Starks

Hager’s hat now has “I Like This Hat” embroidered on it and will probably sell a whole lot of them. Hager beats on Ricky in the corner and then stops to pose with his hat, but Ricky STEALS THE HAT and does his ropewalk while wearing it. Amazing that he can retain his balance with the added weight. But then Hager pulls him out of the ring and runs him into the post and railing to take over as we take a break. Back with Starks taking out the JAS members at ringside and then making a comeback in the ring. Jake boots him down, but misses the Hagerbomb and Starks gets a DDT for two. The JAS gets involved again, but Ricky takes them out, dodges Hager, and hits the spear for the pin at 6:23. Most of the match was during the break but it seemed fine. **

Meanwhile, Adam Cole is back and now with less concussions than ever!

Meanwhile, Chris Jericho demands to get his hands on Ricky Starks and Action Andretti, and offers Daniel Garcia the chance to be his partner if Daniel can beat Andretti on Rampage. With his new leather pants from mentor Sammy. I don’t like his chances there.

Bryan Danielson v. Bandido

Bandido tries to go pew-pew on Bryan, but gets his finger guns kicked aside. That’s a violation of his Second Amendment rights, I’m pretty sure! SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED! So Bryan takes him down and leglocks him, and then also offers him a pew-pew so they’re even. One pew-pew apiece. Bandido takes him down for the Romero Special, but Danielson counters out to an anklelock and then gets his own Romero, so Bandido gives him the DOUBLE PEW-PEW! Horrifying. So tired of the senseless finger gun violence. Bandido tries a powerbomb and Danielson does an incredible sit-up counter and headbutts out of it and they’re at a stalemate. They do the test of strength and Bandido hiptosses him into a wacky submission hold, but Bryan escapes to the floor. Bandido hits him with a pair of dives and we take a break. Back with them trading chops, and Bandido superkicks him out of the corner and follows with a twisting bodypress and the delayed suplex. So delayed they should call it the WWE sale process. Bandido to the top, but the frog splash hits the knees and Bryan gets the Lebell Lock. Bandido pulls for the ropes, so Bryan ties up the arm, and Bandido has to use the foot instead. Bryan beats on him with kicks, but Bandido catches the foot and powers him up into a GTS and 21-Plex. Bryan lands on his feet, however, and the cradle gets two. Another one is blocked and Bandido gets his own for two. Bryan backdrops him to the floor and follows with a knee off the apron. Back in, they slug it out on the top rope and Bandido brings him down with a fallaway slam off the top, which sets up the 21 Plex for two. They slug it out with elbows and Bryan fires off a head kick, so Bandido superkicks him. Bryan tries to take him down for the submission, but Bandido powers him up into a slam. Bryan with a backslide, but Bandido rolls out of it, so Danielson finishes with the bu saiku knee at 18:00. This was as incredible as we thought going in, and the more Bandido is on TV, the more over he’ll get. ****1/4 Afterwards, MJF pops up on the Khan-Tron and promises that he’ll be unmasked at the PPV and we won’t like it.

Meanwhile, Saraya and her friends hash out the issues from last week’s loss, most of which involves blaming Shida.

Meanwhile, we learn that next week’s opponent for Bryan Danielson is Brian Cage, and MJF stops by to offer a big fat envelope of money if he can break Danielson’s arm.

Toni Storm v. Willow Nightingale

They trade takedowns to start, but Toni isn’t impressed and sends Willow to the floor with the hip attack after refusing a handshake. They fight on the floor and we take a break as Shida joins us. Back with Willow making a comeback with the spinebuster for two, but she misses the cannonball and Toni gets a tornado DDT for two. Willow with a rollup for two and she Pounces Toni into the corner for the cannonball, and that gets two. And then Saraya takes the ref and Storm wins with a handful of tights at 7:27. And then Saraya and Toni complete the heel turn with the beatdown afterwards, as Ruby Soho saves her new bestie and Shida is very confused. Good idea to lean into the crowd turning on Saraya before it’s too late. Another match where most of it took place during the break. ** But this is an interesting direction!

Meanwhile, Takeshita has some harsh words for MJF in Japanese.

TNT title: Darby Allin v. Kushida

They trade takedowns to start and Darby takes him down into a chinlock, but Kushida goes for the arm and Darby makes the ropes. Kushida hiptosses him into a dropkick that puts Darby on the floor and they fight out there before Kushida kicks him in the arm on the way into the ring and goes to work on it. Kushida blocks the coffin splash, but Darby gets the Code Red for two and Kushida retreats to the floor. So Darby takes out Kushida’s young boys with a somersault dive, and Kushida takes out Darby’s arm again as we take a break. Back with Kushida beating on Darby with a Pele kick, but Darby gets the Scorpion Deathdrop for the double down. Darby fights back, but Kushida hits him with another Pele kick and puts him on the floor, and follows with a diving knee to the shoulder out there. They slug it out on the apron and Darby gets a stunner, which hurts more because it’s THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING, and both guys are down on the floor again. So Darby gets tempted by a chair but just sits Kushida in it instead and dives off the top…and misses. Kushida catches him in the armbar on the floor and that looks like it SUCKS. Back in the ring, Kushida rips and tears at the arm again on the way into the ring, and then takes him down from the top rope with an armbar takedown to set up the Hoverboard Lock. So Kushida’s guys offer Sting a towel to throw in, but Sting throws it away instead and Darby gets the Last Supper for the pin at 13:45 to retain. A tremendously fun main event with yet another different type of match than everything else on the show. ***3/4

Another hoot and a holler of a show, as the kids say. Wrestling is just swell, goshdarnit.

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