The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 01.11.23
Live from Los Angeles, CA
Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Taz
Jon Moxley v. Hangman Page
It’s a HOCKEY FIGHT to start and Page beats him down in the corner and they trade chops off that before Mox slams his head into the mat. Mox chokes him out in the corner and sets him up for a superplex, which then turns into an armbar attempt. Page blocks that, so Moxley drops him on his head with a german suplex to be a complete dick about it. They fight to the floor, where Moxley tries to toss him back into the ring and Page hits him with a lariat on the rebound instead. That was great. Back in the ring, Page sets up for another lariat, but Moxley hits his own for two and we take a break. Back with them battling to a double down and they continue slugging it out until Page hits him with a fallaway slam. Page with a lariat to put Moxley on the apron and he boots him to the floor and follows with the moonsault, but Moxley counters the Buckshot into a DDT for two. Moxley with the bulldog choke, but Page won’t let him sink it in and he fights up. So Moxley gives him a piledriver. UNCOOL. Page kicks out at one anyway. So Moxley beats on him with kicks and shares his feelings with the crowd before sinking in another sleeper. Hangman reverses that to the Deadeye, but Moxley does a delayed sell and curb stomps him before going down. They slug it out again and Page wins that and hits the lariat, and then follows with the Buckshot to finish at 14:16. Yeah well Moxley had that coming to him. And now this time it’s MOXLEY who appears to be knocked silly after the loss, and Page thinks about helping but then walks off instead. ****
ADAM COLE BAY-BAY returns for story time, and he’s got good news and bad news. He’s been suffering from multiple head injuries and hasn’t been doing well, but he really appreciates the fan support. And the bad news is for the locker room because he’s not going anywhere and now he’s apparently a giant babyface.
Meanwhile, the Acclaimed announce that they’re getting scissors on the Walk of Fame, to be unveiled this Friday.
Lee Moriarty & Big Bill v. The Jungle Hookers
Perry trades chops with Moriarty to start, and Junglehook double-teams Lee with a double elbow before Hook works for an armbar on the mat. Moriarty reverses out of that, but Jack gets a dropkick for two. Perry tries a dive on Big Bill but gets caught in the chokeslam position, before Hook makes the save and keeps him from complete doom. Back in the ring, Big Bill puts Perry on the floor with a big boot and Moriarty stomps him from the apron and we take a break. Back with Moriarty trying for the triangle, but Jack slams out of it and it’s hot tag Hook. Northern lights on Moriarty gets two and Bill makes the save, so Hook gets in his face and tries a suplex. Bill blocks that, so Jungle Boy helps out and Hook hits it on the second try and sends Bill to the floor in shock. Moriarty rolls up Jungle Boy for two, but Jack reverses into the Snare Trap at 8:15. A solid and fun tag team match. **1/2
Meanwhile, Paul Hauser from Cobra Kai meets up with Orange Cassidy and Danhausen, and we learn that everything is totally cool with the Best Friends. Well that’s a relief.
Bryan Danielson v. Konosuke Takeshita
But first, MJF joins us to do some racist humor with Takeshita (“Is it pronounced Take a Shit?”) and do some Shawn Michaels humor from 1997. And then we get some Don Rickles shots at celebrities in the front row. Danielson chases him out of the ring to end Evening at the Improv and he takes Takeshita down with the surfboard to start the match and turns it into the Romero Special. Takeshita reverses out of that and they slug it out until Takeshita hits him with the Warrior clothesline. Danielson puts him down with kicks and gets the short arm scissors, but Takeshita fights out of that. So Bryan beats on him with kicks in the corner, but he runs into a Blue Thunder bomb for two in a cool spot. Takeshita hits him with chops, but Bryan comes back with the running elbow and they trade more chops as we take a break. Back with Takeshita making a comeback, but he tries a powerbomb and Danielson counters to a rana that puts him on the floor. Bryan follows with an attempt at a rana off the apron, but Takeshita blocks it and they smash into the railing in a dangerous spot. And then Takeshita hits him with a brainbuster on the floor for good measure, and back in with a swanton, but Danielson gets the knees up and puts him in the Lebell Lock. Takeshita fights out of that, so Bryan beats on him with kicks and they slug it out with elbows. Takeshita puts him down with a lariat for a double down. Takeshita up first and he tries the knee strike, but Bryan catches him and tries a victory roll. Takeshita plants him with a piledriver instead, and then switches right into a german suplex for two. Bryan with the bu saiku knee for two, however. Bryan kicks Takeshita’s head in to set up the Regal Stretch, and Takeshita is out at 15:01. Awesome match but man they so need to have Takeshita start winning matches. ****
Meanwhile, Juice Robinson is here to kick ass and take names, and challenge Darby Allin as well.
Toni Storm & Saraya v. Dr. Britt Baker DMD & Jamie Hayter
Toni appears unimpressed with her role here, and also she looks more orange than MJF. Storm and Hayter slug it out to start and Toni puts her on the floor with a hip attack, and Saraya adds a shot from the apron as well. Back in the ring, Saraya necks her on the ropes a few times for two. Hayter suplexes both babyfaces and Britt takes Toni to the floor with a neckbreaker off the apron and runs her into the railing while Hikaru Shida joins us with a kendo stick. We take a break and return with Saraya getting a tag and hitting Britt with clotheslines and the legsweep slam for two. Britt tries the Air Raid Crash, but Saraya reverses out of it and kicks Britt down. Storm with the hip attack in the corner for two, but Hayter breaks up the Cloverleaf with a hip attack of her own and Britt takes Storm to the top for an Air Raid Crash that gets two. Hayter with the Hatebreaker for two. Storm fights back with a german suplex on Hayter and the piledriver for two, but Britt makes the save. Britt hits Saraya with a powerbomb to send her to the floor, and Storm slugs it out with Hayter until they both go down. But then Shida tosses in the kendo stick and Britt uses it on Storm, allowing Hayter to finish at 12:08. Well that certainly backfired on her. Nothing else gonna happen here, I guess? OK then, moving on. Match was fine although Saraya did virtually nothing. **1/2
Meanwhile, Eddie Kingston is tired of Ortiz not trusting him and whatnot. Also Bryan Danielson gets another awesome matchup, this time with Bandido, who is ANOTHER guy that doesn’t need to be losing.
The Jericho Appreciation Society (with sweet matching gold jackets and tearaway pants) and they’ve conquered Los Angeles after invading PWG. Also the myth of Ricky Starks is done and Action Andretti can return to the minor leagues. So this brings out the babyfaces, and Ricky Starks thinks that Jake Hager’s HAT LOOKS STUPID. Also Sammy needs to control his woman. Anyway the upshot is that Starks wants to wrestle Jake Hager next week. We’ll just say that this didn’t really work and leave it at that.
World Trios titles: Death Triangle v. The Elite
So we end with a ladder match and the Young Bucks in the most ridiculous shoes humanly possible. The Elite goes on the attack to start, but Death Triangle clears the ring and goes for the ladder. Bucks take them out with dives and Matt makes the first climb. Pac saves, but Matt tosses him and hits Penta with a destroyer before going up the ladder again. Fenix takes him down with a springboard armdrag, but Kenny takes him out with a snapdragon, but Pac breaks up the Terminator dive with a missile dropkick. Kenny recovers with another shot at the dive, but he misses and goes through a table out there. We take a (table) break via Matt Jackson, and return with Matt suplexing Penta onto a ladder in the ring. Nick goes up and Fenix brings him down with a rana as Nick lands on the ladder in a painful bump. The Lucha Bros double-team Kenny with the Fear Factor and take out Nick on the floor, but Matt stops the climb. Fenix dives in and Matt catches him with the rolling northern lights, while Nick puts Penta through another table with a 450 from the top rope to the floor. Matt climbs again and this time Alex pushes the ladder over to save, before Kenny takes him out with a V-Trigger. So then Pac hits him in the hand with the hammer and follows with a Falcon Arrow on the floor, leaving him free to climb. Matt climbs up to save, but the Lucha Bros make a ladder bridge behind him and then hit him with the Fear Factor on the ladder bridge to take him out. But then Kenny heads up there with Fenix, taking him out with the One Winged Angel off the ladder. And then Pac hits the Black Arrow on Omega, but Kenny gets the knees up and makes the climb to win the titles at 15:02. A crazy and violent main event, although it actually felt kind of rushed and probably would have been better off opening the show so it had time to breathe. ****1/2 Also I’m kind of surprised they still haven’t even mentioned Kenny Omega and Will Ospreay having one of the greatest matches of all time yet.
If you were watching this one for the wrestling, it’s an all-time great show, although I bet there’s a lot of people who are going to be disappointed that there weren’t any strongly rumored debuts here, and to be honest everything outside of the ring fell kind of flat and the crowd was nowhere near the level of hotness that the Pacific Northwest shows had. Still obviously a thumbs up show, but I don’t think this was the blowaway one everyone was counting on.