The SmarK Rant for Coliseum Video presents WrestleFest ‘90
Another one I did many years ago in the original Coliseum Video Rants, but it’s currently featured on the WWE Network front page for some reason so let’s give it a look.
Released June 27 1990
Your host is Sean Mooney
Macho King Randy Savage v. Rowdy Roddy Piper
This is our “Match of the Month”, the usual Superstars taping dark matches that started to take these tapes over by this point. This was definitely a matchup that we didn’t see much of. Savage actually decides to go shirtless for this one, which was definitely getting more rare by 1990. Sherri decides to check under Piper’s kilt while Savage disrobes, and that goes badly for her, as you’d expect. Piper hits Savage with an atomic drop into the corner and follows with a clothesline for two, but Sherri gets involved again to break up the pin. Piper with a sunset flip for two and a small package for two, which prompts Macho to take a walk to the back until Piper chases him back in. Piper goes after Sherri again and Macho hits him with a double axehandle on the floor and another one in the ring for two, and he follows with the necksnap and running knee to put Piper on the floor again. Savage follows with another double axehandle as they’re just kind of working at a leisurely half-speed. Back in, Savage drops the knee for two. The crowd is surprisingly not jacked for what was a pretty big match even in 1990. Piper comes back and slugs away in the corner, as Savage ends up hung in the Tree of Woe and Roddy puts the boots to him. Piper with an airplane spin for maximum wackiness, and he falls on top for two. Savage reverses a slam for two and then does his own airplane spin and he’s pretty awesome at it, but both guys are wrecked after that. Savage tries to climb to the top to finish, but he’s still dizzy and takes a comedy bump to the floor as a result, and they have a leisurely brawl out there for the double countout at 9:30. Well you could have seen that one coming from a mile away, no chance of either guy doing a job here. And of course Sherri takes one last bump after the match, giving us our pervy ass-shot of the tape, and Piper chases Savage off and stands tall at the end. Just a normal, average match. **1/2
Fan Favorite match: Ultimate Warrior v. Dino Bravo
Good lord, they actually show photographic evidence of someone writing in to request a DINO BRAVO MATCH. Who hurt that stupid kid? Another Superstars dark match, from Tucson, pre-WM because Warrior still IC champion. Warrior charges in and powerslams Bravo, which should probably use up his bump card for the entire week. Warrior goes up and Earthquake pulls him down, so Warrior gives chase and Bravo attacks on the floor. Back in the ring, they trade shoulderblocks and get nowhere, and Warrior hiptosses him instead and Earthquake interferes again and allows Bravo to knock Warrior out of the ring. So Warrior goes underneath the ring and then drags Jimmy Hart under there with him, as Jimmy emerges without his pants and in abject terror. Well that’s a little disturbing. Back in the ring, Bravo tries a backdrop and Warrior suplexes him instead as this flurry of ULTIMATE WORKRATE continues, but then the big splash misses and we get the thrill of the Bravo knucklelock spot instead. Warrior fights out of that quickly and wants to pick up the pace again, but Bravo cuts him off with a backdrop suplex out of the corner to slow it down. Bravo with the bearhug as I notice that they’re really inconsistent with the blurring of “Superstars of Wrestling” banners on this tape, seemingly only hitting about 50% of them. Warrior reverses to his own bearhug, but Bravo rakes the eyes and puts him down with an atomic drop. Warrior comes back with a slam, but he hurts his own back in the process, because really lifting up a 300 pound bag of crap is hard, and Bravo hits his patented side suplex for two. Warrior makes the comeback off that and hits a billion clotheslines, the flying shoulderblock, and big splash, but Earthquake runs in for the DQ at 8:14. Dare I say they were having a GOOD MATCH before the shitty DQ finish? And WARRIOR was carrying it? *** Earthquake proceeds to destroy Warrior afterwards, but Hulk Hogan can’t stand anyone else having the spotlight and makes the save before Warrior can make his own comeback.
Mr. Fuji is the subject of the Manager’s Profile this month. Watching people’s eyeballs pop out of their sockets makes him very happy. He must have loved that Rollins-Mysterio match then.
Brutus Beefcake v. Rick Martel
Off to MSG for this one, as Hillbilly Jim on commentary notes that if you give Brutus a pair of scissors, he’ll “cut through a bale of hay if you let him.” Why would he WANT to? You’d wreck the scissors and you’re better off using one of the numerous farming implements specifically for that purpose. Guys, I’m starting to suspect that Hillbilly Jim might not actually be the rural expert he plays on TV. After 2 minutes of stalling, Beefcake gets a slam and chases Martel to the floor. It’s actually kind of jarring that Martel still has the classic mullet here because he had switched to the douchey permed hair instead. I always thought the Can-Am look made him seem like a bigger star. Martel gets a cheapshot to the throat to take over right away and goes to a lengthy chinlock on the mat while Gorilla and Hillbilly blather about nothing. Martel slugs away, but Brutus gets a small package for two, so Martel hits him with a backbreaker and goes up. Beefcake brings him down and follows up with an atomic drop both ways to make the comeback. Martel bails to the floor, but Beefcake tries a sunset flip from the apron and Martel grabs the ropes for the pin at 12:00. An OK match. **1/4 Afterwards the referee questions Martel about using the ropes and the result might have been reversed, it wasn’t really clear. But we’ll go with Martel getting the pin because it’s the first actual pinfall of the tape so far.
Meanwhile, the Hart Foundation gets a special segment, with Jim Neidhart doing a hilarious tantrum in a pre-taped promo beforehand (“WHY DON’T WE HAVE THE BELTS THEN?!?”).
The Hart Foundation v. The Powers of Pain
Another dark match, from Wrestling Challenge this time, and I’m guessing it must be in the Philly area because the ring announcer is the guy who later worked for ECW and always sounds like he’s doing a bad Finkel impression. Anvil grabs a headlock on Barbarian and they do a power showdown before Bret comes in with a rollup for two. Anvil gets a blind tag and they double-team Barbarian to set up a middle rope elbow from Bret that gets two. Over to Warlord and the Harts work his arm. The commentary for this one places it shortly after Royal Rumble, although I can’t actually find any matches between these teams after July of 1989. Given the POP were on the verge of being split up and repackaged I can’t imagine them winning here, but you never know with Vince. Bret gets trapped in the Powers corner and they work him over, but Bret escapes and makes the hot tag to Neidhart, and Fuji quickly trips him up to cut off the comeback. But then they fight on the floor and Neidhart beats the count for the lame win at 10:44. Everyone had it firmly in first gear for this one. *1/2
The Hart Foundation v. The Honky Tonk Man & Dino Bravo
Well that’s kind of a weird pairing on the heel side. Another one where I can’t nail down the date but probably early 1990 from a Superstars taping. Bret gets a small package on Bravo for two and tosses him into Neidhart’s clothesline for two, and then a cradle gets two. Over to Honky and the Harts do the wishbone spot on him and Anvil beats on him in the corner. Anvil with a bearhug, but Honky rakes the eyes to escape and it’s back to Bravo, who catches Anvil with an atomic drop and the heels take over. Honky with a chinlock and Bravo slams him for two. Dino drops the elbow, but Honky misses his fistdrop and Bret gets the hot tag and drops an elbow on Honky. Rollup gets two. Middle rope elbow gets two as Honky selling all this is just delightful to watch. It’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA and everyone collides on a double whip, but Dino Bravo goes for the megaphone and Bret gets a sunset flip instead. But Anvil grabs the megaphone and draws the DQ at 9:00 instead. What kind of a dumb finish was that? Also watching Bravo trying to bend over and pick up the megaphone was sad and yet somehow more relatable the older I get. *1/2
The Hart Foundation v. The Rockers
Hopefully this pulls the tape out of the funk that it’s settled into. Also a FINISH would be appreciated after the parade of DQs and countouts we’ve had for the entire tape thus far. Another dark match from Challenge here, and Marty works a headlock on Bret to start and gets a bodypress for two. Shawn comes in and works on Bret’s arm, while Sean Mooney notes that we’ll likely never see Bret Hart submitting to Shawn Michaels. Well, never say NEVER… Over to Neidhart and he lures Shawn to the Hart side of the ring, where Bret gets the cheap knee from the apron as the Harts are always happy to go heel when needed. Bret with a backbreaker and Neidhart comes in and chinlocks Shawn. Over to Bret, but Shawn flips out of a slam attempt and gets his own, but Bret drops an elbow on him and they slug it out in the corner, with Bret winning that battle. Over to Neidhart, who comes in with a standing dropkick and draws a big pop for it, and then backdrops Shawn into the lights for two. Bret drops another elbow on him and slingshots Anvil in for the splash, but that misses and Bret has to take care of Shawn himself again. Shawn misses a blind charge, but Bret misses his middle rope elbow and it’s HOT TAG Jannetty. I love how they’ve just been sucking the crowd into it as they go along. These men are PROS. Marty with a powerslam on Bret for two, but they collide in the corner and Marty recovers first with a kneelift for two. Double superkick from the Rockers gets two. Shawn with a snap suplex for two. Bret dodges a charge and hits Shawn with a lariat out of the corner and it’s back to Anvil, who beats on Shawn with forearms, but knocks Bret off the apron and into the railing by mistake. And then the Rougeaus run in for the DQ at 11:20. Well I thought maybe we’d get a finish in this one but no such luck. A really fun match up until then at least. ***1/4
Meanwhile, Lord Alfred Hayes gives us a tour of the WWF trucks, back when they just had generic “WWF” logos on the outside instead of the customized wrestler graphics they have now.
WWF title: Hulk Hogan v. Mr. Perfect
Back to MSG, and this should be the January 15 1990 show. Hulk goes after both Perfect and Genius on the floor to start, but then cries to the ref when they double-team him in the ring afterwards. So Perfect takes a bump and gets hung in the ropes, and sportsman Hogan beats on him while he tries to escape the noose around his neck. So Hulk goes and beats up the Genius some more, and then back in for a clothesline on Perfect before running him into the turnbuckles. Hillbilly notes that “Perfect has a drug problem because he’s being drug all over the ring.” Sadly he was more correct than he knew. Perfect necks Hogan on the ropes to take over and beats on him until Hulk falls out of the ring to escape the beating he’s taking, but then lures Perfect to the floor and runs him into the post like the cheater he is. He’s probably jealous that Hennig was able to win the AWA title from Nick Bockwinkel but he never could because he’s a big orange FAILURE. Back in, Perfect with a sleeper, perhaps a Gagne sleeper to really rub it in and remind Hulk of his inability to capture the biggest prize in the sport on so many occasions. Hulk makes the comeback, but charges for the corner and manages to miss. Perfect goes up to the top and Hulk shakes the ropes because apparently he think he’s Ultimate Warrior now, and Perfect lands crotch-first on the top turnbuckle. Hulk follows with an atomic drop, always going for the cheapshot like a COWARD, but he misses an elbow and NOW YOU’RE GONNA SEE A PERFECTPLEX. Sadly he loses his grip and Hulk falls out of the move before the three count and makes the comeback. They fight on the floor and Hulk grabs a chair, completely unprovoked, and he’s so blinded by his own steroid-induced rage that he nearly gets counted out, and then he produces a pair of brass knuckles and uses it for the DQ at 13:40. And then he tries to claim that MR. PERFECT brought them into the match and used them first! A cheater and a liar at the same time. For shame. Anyway they nearly had to have the guy from Happy Gilmore drive into the arena in his Volkswagen and run Hulk over to make sure he was 100% protected in every way. *** And again, another match without a pinfall finish.
Ted Dibiase & Akeem v. Jake Roberts & Ultimate Warrior
Big Bossman is the special referee for this. A sign at ringside alleges that Ted Dibiase sleeps in a garbage can, which I know for a fact is untrue and probably would qualify as libel if Dibiase wanted to sue the kid who printed it off. What’s he gonna do, sleep sitting up? That doesn’t even make sense! Now if you had said he sleeps in a dumpster that might at least be realistic based on geometry. Jake tries for the DDT a couple of times early on and Ted runs away to escape, so Akeem comes in and Warrior immediately puts him down with a shoulderblock. Jake tries another DDT and Akeem backdrops out of that. You know, they probably could have repackaged Akeem again as business partner of Dibiase, making him a SOUTH African dream instead, as the corrupt owner of a blood diamond mine. He could have tensions with Virgil and his finisher could be a Sun City Flip. The heels double-team Jake in the corner and Dibiase comes in with a chinlock, but Jake quickly escapes with a jawbreaker and keeps trying for the DDT. Dibiase runs him in the corner to break, but Warrior gets the hot tag and the place explodes as he splashes Dibiase for the pin at 6:50. Bossman as referee was completely pointless as he literally did nothing but count the pin and didn’t even interact with the heels. This was the very definition of a quickie dark main event to send the crowd home happy after 5 hours of Superstars taping. It was fine. **
This was fine. If the matches were either better or at least had FINISHES, it would be a much more memorable and recommendable tape, but they weren’t and they didn’t and so it’s just another lazy dark match compilation and it’s fine and completely inoffensive.