The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 01.04.22
Live from Seattle, WA, with a NEW SET! We’re now red and blue themed.
Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Taz & Excalibur
Chris Jericho v. Ricky Starks
Gigantic babyface pop for Starks tonight as the crowd is jacked already. Jericho gets an armdrag and celebrates, so they slug it out and Starks beats him down in the corner and chases him to the floor. Back in, Jericho beats on him with clotheslines in the corner, but Starks comes back with a ropewalk and a facebuster for two. Jericho takes him to the apron, but Starks blocks the springboard dropkick and they fight out there until Jericho suplexes him down to the floor and we take a break. Back with Ricky making a comeback with a clothesline out of the corner. They slug it out and Starks puts him down with a dropkick, but Jericho blocks the Rochambeaux. So Starks tries again and does a powerbomb instead, for two. Jericho with the Lionsault, but it hits knees. Codebreaker is countered for two. Blind charge misses and Jericho gets another codebreaker, but Starks catches the Judas Effect and tries to turn it into the Rochambeaux. Jericho reverses that into the Walls and Starks powers up and makes the ropes, but Daddy Magic hits Ricky with the bat and he’s seemingly out and screwed over by the JAS. But then he fires up one more time after the false finish and reverses out, with a cradle for two. Tornado DDT follows and the JAS gets involved again, but Starks spears Jericho and pins him at 13:08. Man when you need someone to put over a guy, there’s no one better than Jericho. That Walls of Jericho sequence was INCREDIBLE. **** Afterwards, the full JAS hits the ring for the beatdown, but Action Andretti makes the save with a chair, until the ladies turn the tide with a low blow and poor Ricky gets powerbombed through a table after his big win. Jericho’s win streak was pretty tiresome but he’s giving it back bigtime.
Hangman Page joins Tony in the ring to discuss his recovery, and he’s still not medically cleared. But as long as he avoids fighting Moxley this week and makes it to LA next week, he will be clear to “knock Jon’s dick in the dirt”. Well that sounds uncomfortable. So Mox interrupts, and he’s sick of everyone feeling bad for Page, but then it turns out his mic isn’t working (“We can’t hear you!”) so he gets a replacement and has to redo the promo after some salty language. Hopefully TBS bleeped that in time because Fite sure didn’t. Hangman isn’t actually mad about getting knocked out, though, he’s mad that Moxley was making jokes about Page’s career ending. So he’s got two lariats in the chamber for Moxley at the Forum. But Moxley isn’t going to let him get back up again next time. Ok that was the promo we needed for this one.
Meanwhile, the King of TV isn’t happy with Darby Allin.
AEW World tag team title: The Acclaimed v. Jay Lethal & Jeff Jarrett
Oh god now they’ve mixed the Lethal and Jarrett themes together into an unholy concoction of suck. And they’ve got matching gear now and everything. Fun fact from Caster: TNA actually stands for “Total Nonstop Acclaimed”. Good to know. All the mentions of Karen Jarrett and Dixie Carter are really starting to terrify me, though. It’s like a Candyman situation. Jarrett gets a cheapshot on Max in retaliation for the mean words about his wife, so Bowens slugs it out with Jeff and then hits Lethal with the guillotine legdrop. The Acclaimed double-teams Jay in the corner and Max gets an Angle Slam and does some cosplay before going to an anklelock. I think there was a subtle message there. Now we just need Kelly Kelly to make an appearance. Jarrett comes in and gets double-teamed and has his timbers scissored, and we get a three way strut and scissoring from the Acclaimed. Lethal goes after Daddy Ass, which results in Billy getting thrown out in a miscarriage of justice, and we take a break. Taz notes that Lethal used the oldest trick in the book, although I disagree. The oldest trick is where you yell “HEY, IT’S A T-REX!” at your fellow cave-dweller and then hit him with a rock. Triple J double-teams Bowens while the announcers debate whether or not they can call the refreshed Dynamite “A New Day” and then decide it’s best to go with “A New Era” instead. Lethal with a chinlock while the crowd expresses their opinion about Jeff Jarrett, and Lethal goes up with the Macho Elbow, which misses. Jarrett breaks up the hot tag, but Bowens drops him with a backdrop suplex and it’s hot tag Caster. He dives onto Lethal outside and back in with a high cross for two. Acclaimed goes for the finish on Lethal, but Jarrett saves and the heels do a wacky double team suplex on Bowens for two. Figure-four from Lethal while Caster gets taken out on the floor, but that results in Sonjay and Satnam getting thrown out now. Bowens counters the Injection, but Jarrett gets the Stroke for the pin at 10:58, which is thankfully immediately protested by Aubrey, who saw Bowens with his foot on the ropes before Sonjay pushed it. So THIS MATCH MUST CONTINUE and Lethal pins Bowens with his feet on the ropes, but Caster pushes them over and Bowens gets the pin to retain for real at 11:28. I mostly figured they wouldn’t actually do that title change but it’s Jeff Jarrett and you can never be 100% sure. ***
Meanwhile, Tony sits down with Dr. Britt Baker DMD and Jamie Hayter, and they’re pretty mad that Saraya is just coming into the promotion and having everything handed to her after they worked their way to the top.
Meanwhile, the Jungle Hookers throw out the challenge the Firm for next week.
Bryan Danielson v. Tony Nese
The crowd is predictably crazy for Bryan, but Nese immediately hits the running knee in the corner for two thanks to Josh Woods. Nese throws a chop, but that just angers Bryan and he fires back with the running clothesline. Bryan with the kicks, but Nese blocks the last one and rolls him up for two, and then bucklebombs him. Running knee misses and Danielson hits the bu saiku knee and kicks his head in for an insane reaction before finishing with the Regal Stretch at 3:34. Frankly I’m shocked Danielson didn’t want to lose in his hometown. **1/2 But he’s not done fighting and calls out MJF as well. But MJF isn’t a “mark” and he knows that he gets his money whether he wrestles or not. Also Bryan is apparently less charismatic than the hypothetical offspring of Dean Malenko & Lance Storm. So Danielson goes with the tried and true “Your mom is a whore” comeback. Huge if true. MJF then reels off the big names who put him over as a great wrestler, like Disco Inferno, Eric Bischoff and the greatest of them all, Jim Cornette. Bryan’s had enough and just wants to fight, but Max runs off and hides behind Taz and claims that Bryan isn’t actually #1 contender. So if Bryan can wrestle every week until February 8 and win every match, he’ll get a title shot. Bryan isn’t down with that, so MJF throws an epic tantrum and Bryan decides to humor him in exchange for picking the stipulation at the PPV. Which turns out to be a one hour Iron Man match. And Bryan is going to run through every opponent every week until the PPV and then EXPOSE MJF at the PPV and blow him up. OK, now we’re talking! And we’ve got a PPV main event set two months in advance, with stipulations, and a clear path to get there.
Swerve Strickland v. AR Fox
Pretty sure this won’t be as violent as the Lucha Underground match. And Excalibur even namedrops that promotion! They trade flips on the floor, on both sides of the ring, and Fox hits a pump kick before following with a moonsault off the apron. Back in, Fox with a brainbuster for two and he follows with a corner clothesline, but The Mysterious Tattooed Henchman takes him out from the floor and Swerve nails him to take over. Back in the ring, Swerve goes to work on the arm and gets two. Swerve with the diving elbow and he gives the crowd a dance, which Taz notes reminds him of Tony at the bar last night, doing the “hucklebuck.” Tony: “I’m a corpse here. What the hell is a hucklebuck?” The answer is apparently a dance from the Honeymooners. Well of course. Fox makes a comeback, but Swerve counters a cutter into a german suplex and flatliner for two. Fox goes up and Swerve brings him down, but Fox SWERVES him and hits a cutter, then an Iconoclasm into another cutter and a 450 for two. To the top, but The Non-Mysterious Slightly-Less Tattooed Henchman trips up Fox, and Swerve brings him down with a death valley driver on the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING. And Swerve throws him back in and finishes with the KILLSHOT, which is a way more badass name than “Swerve Stomp” was. Another great showing from Fox and that finish was badass. ***1/2
Meanwhile, Renee chats with Saraya, Toni and Shida. Saraya puts them both over and announces that Toni is going to be the partner next week, which leaves Shida confused. Well at least they’re not getting everyone’s hopes up for a Mercedes appearance.
The Gunns join us to mourn the death of FTR. After dropping the titles to Yoshi-Hashi they’re not completely wrong. “They called themselves seven star FTR, but they were ten stars in our heart.” And now they’re doing a podcast that no one listens to. But then we get an apparent (and physics defying) interruption from FTR, before the Gunns reveal that it was just a ruse.
Jade Cargill & Red Velvet v. Skye Blue & Kiera Hogan
Red and Blue trade rollups to start, and Kiera comes in with a legdrop for two. Oh man, she kicked out of a Hogan legdrop? Skye with a piledriver for two, so Jade comes in and takes care of things herself. She slugs Skye to the floor and beats on her out there. Back in the ring, Jade hits Hogan with a spinning slam for two and then lets Velvet come in and try it again. But then she can’t get it done, so Jade comes back in and destroys everyone herself. So Velvet decides to walk off, but Jade pins Kiera with a pump kick anyway at 6:55. OH MY GOD JUST END THIS STORYLINE ALREADY. The match sucked and everyone looks dumb, and Jade has now split up with her Baddies about 4 weeks in a row. * Also Skye Blue somehow gets a title shot at Jade on Friday out of this.
Turns out Bryan’s first match in the gauntlet is against Takeshita, which should be awesome but that guarantees Takeshita is losing yet again.
TNT title: Samoa Joe v. Darby Allin
Joe goes after Nick Wayne at ringside, so Darby saves and beats on Joe with the skateboard before the bell as they brawl up the ramp. And Darby sets up a ladder at the entrance and comes off the top with a dive onto Joe as they’re both insane for doing that. Into the ring to start the match, and Darby dropkicks him into the corner, so Joe bails to the floor and catches Darby with a horrifying slam onto the corner of the steps. Joe runs him into the post as Darby takes another crazy bump off that and lands on the railing and they tease the countout off that. Back in the ring, Darby continues fighting and gets dropped with a headbutt as a result. Joe puts the boots to him, but misses an elbow and Darby tries a sleeper. But Joe slams out of it and SWEEPS THE LEG, then hits him with a double kneebreaker in a unique move. So Darby falls backwards on his own legs and Joe hits him with a senton for another painful bump for Darby. Darby tries a german suplex and Joe pulls off the turnbuckle to block it and tries the sleeper, but Darby rolls him over for two. Joe gets a sleeper on the second try, but Darby runs him into the steel and follows with the Code Red, and then pops up with the coffin drop, and another one to win the title at 8:52. Well that was the only finish they could have, and should have done. And he didn’t even need Sting to help him! ***1/2
Another banger this week, although obviously next week is going to be the PPV-level one. Still, Dynamite has been on a hot streak lately and I’m very glad we don’t have to worry about building up a PPV at the last minute this time.