The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 12.30.22
RIP Don West, and now Barbara Walters apparently. Rough day.
“NEW YEAR’S SMASH”
Taped from Denver, CO
Your hosts are Excalibur, Paul Wight & Tony Schiavone
All Atlantic title: Orange Cassidy v. Trent? Beretta
Orange grabs a headlock and they trade some reversals off that, until Trent hiptosses him to the floor. Chuck helps him up because they’re still friends, and then Orange sends Trent to the floor and Chuck helps him out as well. Orange goes out again and Danhausen gets too excited and throws some kicks on Orange before remembering that they’re friends, and Orange comes back in the ring with a flying bodypress. Trent dropkicks him to the floor, but Orange dropkicks Trent into the railing. Back in the ring, Trent brings him down with a superplex and they trade chops and slug it out with elbows, until Trent hits him with a lariat. Half and half suplex, but Orange lands on his feet and hits the Michinoku Driver for two. Fun fact: That move was actually properly called The Michinoku Driver #2 when it was popularized by Taka Michinoku, because it replaced the original version, but Taka’s WWE run turned it into the primary version and overtook the original naming. Anyway Orange gets the diving DDT for two and tries the Orange Punch, but Trent catches him and tries for Strong Zero. Orange reverses out of that, but Trent tombstones him for two. Orange recovers in the corner, but Trent yanks him out and right into a piledriver for two. This brings Penelope Ford out to distract Trent, and Orange hits the Beach Break for two. Orange Punch finishes at 11:24. And this results in the Best Friends leaving one way and Orange leaving another way an who knows what Danhausen is doing. ***1/4
Meanwhile, Tony chats with Darby Allin and Sting, announcing that Darby gets a TNT title match in Seattle next week. Darby gets all up in Sting’s face for not supporting him, and Sting is all SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND JUST DO IT.
Kip Sabian Is In Action
Kip squashes some geek and uses Orange Cassidy’s arm guard for comedic effect before finishing with a superman punch at 1:00.
Meanwhile, Preston Vance is a dick to Lexi Nair and reveals that if he knew that he could get the spotlight by betraying a 10 year old kid, he would “done that shit 3 years ago.”
Sadly this week they don’t edit out the commercial break segments on Fite and I have to hear how THIS IS RAMPAGE BABY for 4 minutes straight again.
Jon Moxley joins Tony in the ring and DAMN that arena is emptying out fast as they have to darken the place rapidly. Jon talks about how he knocked Hangman into another dimension on that fateful night, but he slept like a baby because the BCC doesn’t care about the safety of the athletes, and if Page wants to have a match in LA, he’ll have to talk to his doctors.
Meanwhile, Jay Lethal and Jeff Jarrett challenge the Acclaimed for the tag team titles NEXT WEEK in Seattle. God they better not change those titles there.
TBS title: Jade Cargill v. Kiera Hogan
I know I’ve said this many times before, but the TBS title and winning streak have become a complete albatross for booking Jade and they need to find someone to just beat her already and get a more interesting storyline for her. The title essentially means nothing because there’s only ever been one champion and no one is presented as being any kind of serious threat to her, so what’s the point of even having a secondary title? Jade chokeslams Hogan and tosses her for some beatings on the floor, and back in for more beatings and chokings. Kiera bails and Red Velvet decides to stop Jade from getting a cheapshot on Kiera, but then Jade just destroys Kiera some more in the ring. Kiera fights back with a hip attack on the ropes and a couple of kicks. Flying bodypress gets two, but Jade finishes her with Jaded at 7:30. Just the usual Jade match, as she was getting better on a weekly basis back in the pandemic era and now she’s been doing exactly the same match for months over and over and has basically hit the wall in her development. *1/2 I continue to not understand or care about this whole stupid internal feud with her Baddies. Whatever happened to Bow Wow? Did we ever establish what the point of that was supposed to be?
Meanwhile, Smart Mark Sterling is tired of Bryan Danielson meddling in the affairs of MJF and Tony Nese is going to do something about it!
Oh boy another highly anticipated and well built Battle of the Belts special next week. Maybe we’ll get an ROH Six Man title match!
Wheeler Yuta v. Swerve Strickland
Don’t worry, the ROH Pure title is not on the line, so all punches are legal. Moxley gets a funny line in the pre-match promo, noting that “Killshot was my favorite wrestler for years”. Oh man did Tony Khan buy Lucha Underground too? Sadly we still don’t have a name for the tattooed goon, as even Excalibur just IDs him as “mystery tattooed man”. Yuta takes him down and gets a senton for two and then they trade takedowns and Yuta ties him up with a half crab. Swerve bails and Yuta follows with a dive, but he runs into the goons and hurts his knee. Back in the ring, Swerve goes to work on the knee, but Yuta fights back with chops until Swerve takes out the knee again. Swerve with a pair of backbreakers while holding Yuta by the beard, and that gets two. Swerve works on a leglock, but Yuta fights out with a headscissors and makes the comeback. Flying clothesline and a german suplex get two. Weird spot as Swerve kicks out the knee and Yuta falls on Swerve’s knee, which didn’t seem intentional. Swerve with a brainbuster for two. Swerve tries the JML Driver, but Yuta reverses to a rollup for two and follows with an Angle Slam for two. The knee gives out again and Swerve puts him in the corner and dropkicks it, and then goes up to finish. Yuta brings him down with a head kick and superplex. Yuta with the hammer elbows and cradles for two, but Swerve hits a hidden blade for two. Ref gets bumped and Swerve kicks Yuta right in the yam bag, and then finishes with the JBL Driver at 12:38. A really good main event, although hopefully Yuta doesn’t just slide back into his previous position of “guy who loses to build up the scary heels”. ***1/2
The matches were good this week, but this didn’t feel like a particularly important show and the crowd was pretty dead for most of it. I’d say mostly worth watching but not to go out of your way to see it if you missed it.