The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 12.16.22
Taped from Garland, TX
Your hosts are Jim Ross, Excalibur & Tony Schiavone
Jon Moxley v. Sammy Guevara
So this is apparently the final end of the JAS v. BCC feud, thankfully. Sammy attacks and stomps Mox down in the corner to start, but Moxley hits him with a lariat and puts him on the floor. Sammy hits him with a high knee out there, but Moxley drops him on the railing and clotheslines him into the front row. Back in, Moxley catches him with a cutter as Sammy takes a crazy bump off that. Superplex gets two. They trade chops on the ropes and then upgrade to forearms, but Sammy dropkicks him to the floor. They fight to the top rope and exchange back rakes, but Sammy sends him down to the apron and follows with a double stomp on the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING. Sammy runs him into the stairs and tears off Moxley’s earring for your sick spot of the night, and then he bites the bloody ear lobe and licks the blood off to top himself. Back in the ring, Moxley is gushing blood from his ear as Sammy chokes him out in the corner and beats him down. More choking on the ropes as Tay tears at the bloody ear and stops to make out with Sammy while covered in Moxley’s blood, and that’s pretty gross, and thankfully Moxley dives onto them to break it up. Moxley fights back and slugs away in the corner, but Sammy escapes a suplex and goes up with his own flying cutter for two. GTH is escaped by Moxley, but Sammy takes him down into a Boston crab and Moxley has to power out of that. Sammy continues pounding on the ear, but Moxley just curb stomps him for two. They fight to the floor and Sammy puts him through the ringside table with a somersault senton off the top rope, and back in with a flying bodypress. But Moxley rolls through that and stomps his head in, then follows with a piledriver for two. Into the bulldog choke, but Sammy rolls him over for two. Moxley puts him down with a lariat, but Sammy hits his own Death Rider and goes up with a swanton for two. They fight to the top again and Sammy tries a superplex, but Moxley blocks him, so Sammy brings him down with a Spanish fly instead, and Mox rolls through it and into the bulldog choke to finish at 15:23. Well I guess putting Moxley on Rampage every week to have great matches is one way to rebuild it. ****1/4
Afterwards, Mox calls out Hangman Page, who quickly answers the challenge, but security gets in his way and keeps them from settling their issue tonight.
FTR joins us, and Dax reveals that he broke his “ass bone” and thus they lost the ROH titles and let the fans down. But then the Gunns got in their face, and they’re going to get their asses whupped on Dynamite.
Meanwhile, Jade Cargill continues her weird quasi-feud with her own Baddies and threatens Bow Wow again. I have no idea what her storyline is even supposed to be right now.
Dr. Britt Baker DMD v. Skye Blue
Britt takes Skye down with a headscissors while JR questions if “Skye Blue” actually is her real name. Spoiler: It’s not. Skye reverses to a cradle for two and goes up, but Britt’s crew yanks her down behind the ref’s back and Britt brings her down with a neckbreaker for two. Britt chokes her out in the corner with help from Rebel, and a butterfly suplex gets two. She beats on Skye with elbows and Fite takes a break with nothing going on. Back with Britt hitting a double underhook powerbomb for two, but Skye rolls her up for two. Skye tries the Code Blue, but Britt curb stomps her for the pin at 6:14. Man, Britt squashed the SHIT out of her and Skye basically got nothing. ** Afterwards, Hikaru Shida makes the save and chases everyone off with the kendo stick.
Preston Vance sits down with Jim Ross, noting that he’s not working for a 10 year old boy anymore, and notes that Brodie Jr. is a spoiled little snot nosed punk now. I sense some comeuppance on the way for Vance.
Wardlow v. Exodus Prime
Did the jobber inherit the Leadership Matrix from Optimus? Wardlow quickly blasts him with the lariat and transforms him into a loser with the powerbombs at 2:04. Sadly there was not more than meets the eye with Prime, there was less.
Afterwards, Wardlow calls out Samoa Joe, who answers on the big screen and offers him a rematch for the title on December 28.
Butcher, Blade, Kip Sabian & Trent Seven v. Best Friends, Orange Cassidy & Dustin Rhodes
The Best Friends continue their running gag of breaking Mark Henry’s fourth wall, as the heels do their goofy promo and then Mark is ready to throw it to the ring, but Dustin notes that they haven’t actually had a chance to say anything yet. But then everyone realizes that Butcher’s “1-800-See-Ya” isn’t actually enough numbers for anyone to call in real life and they just give up and call off the promo anyway. Also Danhausen’s fascination with Dustin is endearing and hilarious. So it’s TRENT v. TRENT to start, as one of them should really change their name to Garrison or maybe Adam, and they exchange chops. Seven gets the surprise punch and everyone quickly comes in for the brawl, as Orange sends Kip to the floor, and he hides behind the women to prevent any dives. In the ring, Butcher backdrops Trent and then tosses him onto Blade’s knees, as the heels take over. Seven gets a DDT on Trent for two as Excalibur reminds us of the pandemic era with Butcher & Blade doing a bunkhouse match with Dustin & QT. Yeah I’d rather not think about that era ever again if I can help it. Orange comes in and Butcher cuts him off with a legdrop, and then Kip does his own mocking kicks on Orange as JR brings up the box on Kip’s head and how they didn’t know it was him for a long time. Literally everyone in the world knew it was Kip Sabian from day one, I’m pretty sure. Also what happened to that box, anyway? He was talking to it for a week and then they just dropped it cold. I mean, fine, they should have, but it’s weird that they just stopped talking about it. Orange fights them off and makes the hot tag to Dustin, who runs wild and powerslams everyone. Seven splashes Sabian by mistake and Dustin elbows Seven down for two. Butcher & Blade hit Orange with a double powerbomb, but Trent comes off the top with a dropkick to put them on the floor. Then he stops for the hug with Chucky and everyone dives on the floor. Their hugrate is untouchable. Ford takes the ref and Bunny tries to run in, but Orange acts like he got kicked in the nuts, and then Danhausen does it as well, and the ref tosses the ladies. OK that was tremendous. But then Danhausen gets too into helping the ref and Sabian punches him in the junk to get rid of him. Seven hits Trent with a slam off the top for two, but Dustin comes in again and hits Sabian with the destroyer to set up the Shattered Nuts. Orange does his own version instead, which distracts the ref so that Dustin can do the real thing. And then he bulldogs Trent Seven for the pin at 10:44 to end a very entertaining main event. ***1/2
This was a GREAT episode, one of the best ones I can remember, which flew by and was entertaining from start to finish.