The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 12.09.22
Taped from Austin, TX
Your hosts are Jim Ross, Tony Schiavone & Excalibur
Jon Moxley v. Kenosuke Takeshita
Mox trades takedowns with Takeshita to start and they trade chops and then upgrade to forearms. Takeshita hits him with a leg lariat and they fight to a stalemate. So Takeshita offers a handshake and Moxley smacks him before pounding on him in the corner and adding more chops. Takeshita snaps off a rana to put Mox on the floor and follows with a tope con hilo, while Don Callis watches from the skybox. They fight into the crowd and slug it out there, but Takeshita nails him with a running boot into the railing and, here’s a shock, Moxley is bleeding. Back in, Mox catches him with a cutter out of nowhere and follows with a piledriver for two. Mox tosses him, but Takeshita skins the cat and puts Mox down with a lariat and the Warrior clothesline to put Mox onto the apron. Takeshita with a DDT on the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING, and back in with a slingshot DDT for two. Mox counters the powerbomb into an armbar attempt, but Takeshita knees out of that, so Moxley puts him down with a lariat. Takeshita counters the Paradigm Shift into a backslide for two and follows with a brainbuster for two. They fight to the top and Moxley puts him down with a drop suplex, but Takeshita hits him with a rolling elbow into a german suplex. Moxley reverses to a sleeper, but Takeshita hits the Blue Thunder bomb for two. German suplex gets two. Takeshita goes up with a frog splash, but that hits knees and Moxley beats him with the hammer elbows, setting up the Death Rider FOR ONE. The crowd goes nuts for that, so Moxley hits him with a knee strike for two. Moxley goes for an armbar, but Takeshita blocks him and does his own head stomps. Moxley beats him down with elbows, drawing boos from the crowd, and hooks the choke, and although the crowd actually chants “don’t give up”, he goes out at 14:12. Man this felt like the time to pull the trigger on Takeshita and Moxley could 100% have eaten the pin without getting hurt one bit. Regardless, this was AWESOME. ****1/2 This brings out Hangman Page, who notes that he still can’t be cleared to wrestle, so he just attacks Moxley instead and they brawl on the floor, which Moxley quickly wins.
Meanwhile, Powerhouse Hobbs has scrubbed his brother’s blood off the porch. Yeah, but has he had to scoop dog poop in -40C winter in Saskatchewan? Because THAT would make a man out of him.
Regina Di Wave title: Hikaru Shida v. The Bunny
Wow, another title in AEW, that’s terrific. They slug it out to start and Shida gets a slam, but misses a jumping knee. Bunny chokes her out in the corner and necks her on the top rope, and then chokes her out on the ropes for two. Shida comes back with a small package for two, but Bunny puts her down with a clothesline for two. Bunny with a corner clothesline and Fite takes a break. Back with Bunny trying her finish, but Shida reverses to her own inverted DDT for two. Penelope throws the kendo stick into the ring to break up the count, but Shida takes out both heels on the floor and back in for a Michinoku Driver that gets two. And the katana kick finishes at 7:32 to retain the title. Any title named after Regina isn’t worth having, I say. *1/2
Lee Moriarty & BIG BILL v. Clayon Bloodstone & Izzy James
Moriarty gets rid of Izzy right away and puts Bloodstone down with a big boot, then ties up both jobbers with submission holds at the same time. Over to BIG BILL, who chokeslams one of the geeks and pins him at 2:09. I don’t know about naming a top guy after what you get when you change the tires on your car.
Meanwhile, FTR are going to finish the battle with the Briscoes at Final Battle.
Oh hey they’ve added four matches to the ROH pre-show and another one to the main show.
All Atlantic title: Orange Cassidy v. Trent Seven
I don’t see this signing turning around their ratings problem. Orange dodges a running chop and high-fives the ref to celebrate, but Trent drops a leg on him for two. Orange bails and has words with Kip Sabian, who thankfully isn’t wearing the box on his head anymore, so Penelope runs back to the dressing room like she’s Elizabeth going for Hulk Hogan or something. And indeed she returns with the Butcher and Blade, prompting a brawl with the Best Friends that clears them away from the ring. Seven takes over in the ring and sends Orange into the corner before going to a chinlock. Orange goes to the pockets to escape, but Trent gives him a delayed suplex, which Orange reverses into his own. They fight to the top and Trent brings him down with a superplex for two. This match has been, as Jim Ross said during the break, very deliberately paced. They fight on the apron and Trent sends him to the floor, but he dives and hits Sabian by mistake, allowing Orange to make the comeback with the stunner. Trent reverses the DDT into a side slam for two, however. Short arm lariat gets two. Orange fights back again with the DDT and goes up, but Seven punches him on the way down and piledrives him for two. But then Orange gets the Beach Break to retain at 12:00. Felt like they should have just gone to the finish earlier because no one was going to buy Trent Seven as a serious contender anyway, but it was a fine match. *** Afterwards, Kip and Trent do the beatdown on Orange, but Dustin Rhodes makes the save and we’re out.
I’d call it a solid episode, especially with the opening match, but this did absolutely nothing to build ROH Final Battle in any way, so it just kind of continues to exist as a pointless show on Friday nights. I mean, yay, Trent Seven, weren’t we all just waiting for THAT?