The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 12.07.22
Live from Steve Austin, TX
Your hosts are Excalibur, Taz & Tony Schiavone
Dynamite Diamond Battle Royale:
We’ve got Ricky Starks, “Jungle Boy” Jack Perry, Orange Cassidy, Dustin Rhodes, Kip Sabian, Butcher, Blade, Matt Hardy, Lee Moriarty, Dalton Castle, Ethan Page, Captain Shawn Dean and Brian Cage. Orange trades shots with Sabian and does the skin the cat spot, but Blade pulls him out at 2:50 to huge heat. But then Dustin hits Kip with a destroyer and puts him out at 2:57. Dustin and Butcher slug it out on the apron, but Butcher clotheslines him down to the floor. Cage wallops Dalton into the arms of the boys and back in again, but Cage tosses him out at 4:30. And Perry sends Cage out from the apron with double knees as we take a break. Back with Starks and Perry teaming up to put out Moriarty, but Morrissey takes out Perry and then chokeslams him on the apron, which is the HARDEST PART OF THE RING. Matt Hardy is forced to team up with Ethan Page to go after Starks, but Captain Shawn Dean breaks that up and makes a comeback on Page with a hurricane DDT. Matt saves Page from elimination and hits Dean with the Twist of Fate, and Ethan tosses him out. So that leaves Page & Hardy against Ricky Starks and Matt continues reluctantly assisting, but Starks tosses him and makes the comeback on Ethan. Tornado DDT, but the spear misses, and Page goes to toss him out and Ricky hangs onto the top rope and wins at 13:00. A fun battle royale with lots of action and a hot crowd. But I don’t rate battle royales, even in AEW.
This brings out MJF, as Starks now has the title shot and also a shot at the diamond ring next week. MJF accuses Starks of stealing his whole act from the Rock and calls him “The Pebble”. Then promises to skip him on the water “all the way back to Billy Corgan’s little promotion where he can wrestle on YouTube”. And then Starks rightly points out the irony of a “fifth rate Roddy Piper” accusing him of stealing anyone’s gimmick. And then he BURIES the cheap heat and cheap suits and especially the cheap scarf. And unlike MJF, he doesn’t let the fans down when they get behind him, while Max kisses ass and blows off signings, and next week he’s going to take the responsibility away from MJF. So MJF goes low and attacks with the ring, but Ricky spears him and grabs the belt, as MJF runs away. This was the promo of a LIFETIME from Starks and made next week’s match seem like a huge, huge deal. So the booking is kind of intriguing as well because Starks has two shots at MJF: The title shot, plus the ring, so he can lose one but then immediately cash in the other.
Meanwhile, Darby Allin promises that Joe will have to kill him to keeping him from winning the TNT title back tonight.
Jon Moxley joins us backstage, and he respects Hangman Page because he did talking with his fists last week, since it’s not All Elite Talking.
TNT title: Samoa Joe v. Darby Allin
Darby quickly tries the tope suicida, but he wipes out on the railing and Joe swings him into the railing as well. Joe pulls up the mats and powerslams him on the concrete, making Bill Watts proud, and we take a break. Back with Joe having hurled Darby into the post and all the way to the table, which draws a countout tease, but he beats it back in the ring. Joe brings him to the floor again, but Darby runs him into the stairs and hits him with a coffin drop to the floor. Back in the ring, Darby reverses the choke into a stunner and Code Red for two. Darby charges and gets caught with the uranage, but he blocks the muscle buster and tries another coffin drop, then lands in the choke and goes out at 10:14. They had some crazy chemistry, with Darby fighting from underneath until he couldn’t fight any longer. **** And then Darby wants some more, so Joe flips the skateboard wheels up and then drops Darby on it with a muscle buster before choking him out again until Wardlow makes the save.
Meanwhile, Kip Sabian doesn’t want a title shot against Orange Cassidy on Rampage because he’s hurt, so Orange tells him to find someone who DOES want a title shot.
Claudio Castagnoli & Wheeler Yuta v. Jake Hager & Daniel Garcia
Jon Moxley is at ringside to guard against any sports entertainment shenanigans. Allow me to pitch a stable name in case they can’t be the BCC anymore with Regal gone: Moxley Crue. In the most awesome gimmick since Hangman Page doing his own chyrons, Jake Hager is listed as “with his hat”. Shockingly he takes it off before the match, but offers one to Claudio, who teases wearing it before kicking it to the crowd. But he botches it and it lands short of the railing. The JAS double-teams Yuta in the corner once all the hat silliness is done with, and Garcia trades chops with Yuta, before Yuta hits a senton for two. Claudio and Yuta double-team Garcia with a double boot and Claudio takes Hager down while the crowd chants “We the People”. Yeah Texas would love that group unironically. Yuta comes in with a missile dropkick and sends the JAS to the floor before following with a dive. But Yuta goes up and gets caught by Hager with a slam and the Hager Bomb for two. Garcia tears at Yuta’s face in the corner, but Yuta takes him to the top for a superplex as we take a break. Back with Yuta making a comeback with a german suplex, and Claudio gets a hot tag and hits Hager with a top rope rana for two. This sets up the Giant Swing, but Garcia jumps on Claudio’s back to break it up. Hager grabs the ankle, but Claudio switches him into the Giant Swing on the second try and follows with the lariat for two. Moxley takes care of Sammy Guevara outside, but Hager gets the anklelock on Claudio while Garcia puts Yuta in the Dragon Tamer. But then Claudio runs Hager into Garcia to break it up, and hits him with the uppercut for the pin at 13:00. ***3/4
Afterwards, Tony Schiavone joins the BCC in the ring, and throws it to an interview he did with William Regal after Full Gear. Regal introduces the interview as something we’ll only see if something bad happens to him, where he reveals that he wasn’t needed by the Combat Club, but he needed to show them that they could teach Wheeler Yuta without him, and teach them that they always need to have eyes in the back of their heads. And that’s his farewell from AEW. So Moxley is all fired up and he’s challenging anyone for Rampage, and promises that the BCC is making a statement this weekend.
Meanwhile, Malakai Black notes that the promotion is corrupted and sick, and anyone who has a problem with them can come get some.
Meanwhile, Tony sits down with Jamie Hayter, and she offers the winner of the Bunny-Shida match a shot at the title.
Jade Cargill, Red Velvet & Leila Grey v. Skye Blue, Madison Rayne & Kiera Hogan
We get RED VS BLUE to start and Skye rolls up Velvet for two, but she gets double-teamed by the Baddies for two. Grey with a running knee in the corner, but Madison the ratings killer comes in for her own double-teaming with Skye. Skye superkicks Velvet to the floor, but tries a baseball slide and gets caught in the apron and beat up as we take a break. Back with Blue and Red clotheslining each other for the double down and then superkicking each other for another double down, but Hogan gets the hot tag and slugs away on Jade. But Jade catches her with a chokeslam and just wrecks her, setting up Jaded, but Kiera escapes and Madison comes back in. And she immediately gets Jaded and pinned at 5:18. STOP PUTTING MADISON RAYNE ON TV. ** Jade continues floating along and going nowhere.
Meanwhile, Dr. Britt Baker DMD interrupts a Saraya interview and offers her tickets to LA in January so they can do a tag match.
Unfortunately, they announce that the title match next week is winner take all, which means MJF retains the title AND the ring. Well that’s disappointing.
This week on Rampage: Jon Moxley v. Kenosuke Takeshita.
AEW World tag team title: The Acclaimed v. FTR
This might be last minute but it’s got BIGTIME reaction from the crowd. The crowd is very much 50/50, and Cash trades takedowns with Bowens to start and they both get near-falls. And apparently they’re coming to WINNIPEG next year?! Holy shit, that’s close enough that I could go. Dax comes in and exchanges hiptoss attempts with Bowens, but things get heated and they all slug it out, resulting in Cash landing on the floor. Acclaimed with the Scissor Me Timbers on Dax and they stop to scissor. This inspires them further and we get double Sharpshooters from the Acclaimed, and more scissoring to celebrate. We take a break and return with Caster hitting a crossbody on Cash, but Dax comes in and cuts off a tag attempt, before Bowens gets the hot tag and cleans house on FTR. Fameasser on Cash and he superkicks Dax and follows with a knee strike for two. Dax comes back with the german suplexes, but Bowens rolls him up for two. Bowens collides with Cash and Dax gets his own rollup for two. But then Bowens gets a neckbreaker for two. FTR with a spike piledriver for two. They try a double suplex, but Caster spears Cash out of the ring and Bowens cradles Dax for two. Double-team cutter from the Acclaimed gets two on Dax. Another one, but Dax escapes and dumps Bowens, but Caster escapes the Big Rig. Dax sends Max into the post, Big Rig, but Bowens makes the heart attack inducing save. Cash sends Bowens into the railing to get rid of him again and it’s POWERPLEX time for Caster, but Bowens breaks that up and hits Cash with the slam to set up the Mic Drop from the Caster….which misses. But Bowens takes out Dax again, while Caster rolls up Cash for two. They slug it out and Cash hits a lariat for two. Another pair of lariats sets up a powerbomb, but Caster reverses to a rollup for the pin to retain at 17:43. Holy shit the Acclaimed just pulled out the match of their lives there. ****1/2 The champs offer a scissoring for everyone in a show of respect. So I guess now we get FTR v. Gunns and Acclaimed v. Jeff Jarrett & Jay Lethal, aka Flaming Ratings Death, as the next direction for both teams moving out of this. Well they can’t all be perfect episodes.
And then speaking of the Gunns, they pop up on the screen, laying out a challenge on behalf of Dem Boys in a double dog collar match this Saturday.
Needed to be said a second time.
OKAY FINE I ORDERED THE PPV. Damn you Tony Khan! Now I gotta get tickets for Winnipeg when they go on sale next Friday unless there any AEW lurker contacts reading who want to comp me some seats for that one.
Well this one was a BANGER, aside from the lame women’s trios match. Hopefully Final Battle delivers now that they’re got my money. And next week WINTER IS COMING. Guess they haven’t been to Saskatchewan, where winter is definitely already here.