The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 10.28.22

The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 10.28.22

Man they’re really hammering on this copyright notice on Fite. Every AEW show now has a “don’t share this OR ELSE” warning on it.

Live from Uncasville, CT

Your hosts are Jim Ross, Tony Schiavone & Excalibur

World title eliminator match: Jon Moxley v. Daddy Magic

I bet everyone is on the edge of their seat wondering if Menard can pull this one off! Moxley immediately beats Daddy Magic’s ass on the floor and then puts the boots to him back in the ring. Menard catches him in the corner and stomps away on him to take over, but he tries a piledriver and Moxley reverses out. Angelo lures him out and hits him with a clothesline, allowing Menard to crotch Moxley on the ringpost. TWICE. And Parker runs Moxley into another post for good measure, although shockingly Moxley is not bleeding. Although perhaps he’s bleeding from the crotch, in which case I don’t want to know about it. Back in the ring, Moxley fights back and slugs away in the corner, but Menard powerbombs him and goes to a Boston crab. Mox makes the ropes and fires back with a cutter and a lariat, and a superplex gets two. Regal knee gets two. Parker tries to run in and takes a cutter, but Menard gets a rollup for two. DDT gets two. Menard tries to do his own head stomps, but Moxley flips him into the choke for the win at 8:11. Maybe if this was a handicap match against 2.0 then Moxley would have had a challenge, but Menard didn’t warrant being anywhere near a title shot. ** And then Stokely interrupts and presents Lee Moriarty for another challenge to Moxley for Dynamite. Unless this is a storyline where MJF is trying to wear Moxley out before the title match, they would be better off keeping him off TV for a couple of weeks.

Keith Lee v. Serpentico

Keith immediately powerbombs and pins him at 0:13. Tony Schiavone goes to interview him afterwards, but the Acclaimed interrupts and demands to know where Billy Gunn is. Keith denies any knowledge, but then Swerve appears, having kidnapped Daddy Ass and apparently cut his scissoring fingers off? WTF? I know Swerve has been trending heel but going full on serial killer seems like a bit much.

Meanwhile, the JAS is tired of the Blackpool Combat Club cheating all the time. This was apparently a replay of the segment from Wednesday that we couldn’t hear properly because of audio issues.

Tay Melo v. Madison Rayne

They trade rollups to start and Tay takes her down for an armbar attempt, but Rayne escapes and gets a low dropkick for two. Meanwhile JR goes on a weird run about Mike Tyson making a guest appearance coming up as a commentator and how they should get him a blue blazer because every announcer needs one. They need to get JR off the desk. Tay tosses Rayne out and runs her into the railing while Tony laments the idea of kissing his wife for a living. Back in the ring, Tay chokes Madison out on the ropes, but she gets a rollup for two. Rayne counters the DDTay into a DDT of her own and they’re both down, but Madison makes the comeback with a neckbreaker for two. They head up and Rayne brings her down with a sloppy cutter for two. Tay with a facebuster for two and we get SHOCKED TWO COUNT FACE for some reason. Rayne gets a sliding lariat for two, but Tay beats on her with kicks and finishes with the TayKO at 9:03. This was pretty dull and I really don’t need to see backstage coach Madison Rayne on TV anymore given all the other people they have under contract and never use. **

Meanwhile, Ethan Page clarifies that the Firm is done with MJF, and also he’s an entrant in the Full Gear Eliminator tournament.

TNT title: Wardlow v. Matt Taven

Somebody on Twitter noted that people just hate Taven based on him having a terrible ladder match on the biggest ROH show of all time. That sounds like a pretty solid reason, actually. Taven tries to get some cheapshots on Wardlow, but Wardlow throws him out of the ring and runs him into the post. Mike and Maria provide some distraction, allowing Taven to hit him with a dive, and back in with a frog splash onto the leg. Taven works the leg and Bennet apparently grabs the timekeeper’s hammer and rings the bell, and everyone is pretty confused. So Taven goes back to working the leg again and that goes on for a while. Wardlow makes the comeback and throws him around, but Maria interrupts the powerbomb. But Taven is such a geek that Wardlow just does it anyway and then finishes with the Powerbomb Symphony at 8:00. This was a BAD debut for Taven. * And Mike goes after Wardlow’s leg afterwards, but Samoa Joe makes the save. And then this brings out Powerhouse Hobbs to provide distraction and the Embassy attacks to continue that dead end feud. So I guess Hobbs is lucky enough to be part of that group now. I think Ricky Starks is lucky to be in witness protection at the moment because otherwise he might get sucked into the black hole of heat that is this storyline. I don’t know how many times people need to say it but NOBODY GIVES A CRAP ABOUT THESE ROH GEEKS.

Well although last week’s live show was debatable in terms of quality, this was an all time clunker and definitely brought their streak of good episodes to an end. I don’t know why it’s so hard for Tony Khan to actually sit down and figure out what the point of this show is supposed to be, but it continues to be background noise on a Friday night at best.