The SmarK Rant for NWA Power Hour – 03.09.90

The SmarK Rant for NWA Power Hour – 03.09.90

It’s Wednesday night and I have no Dynamite and I’m very discombobulated by it. Enough that I’m using the word “discombobulated”.

Taped from “the white water rafting capital of the world” according to Gordon, although then he immediately goes on a tangent about Dan Quayle visiting and NEVER SAYS THE NAME OF THE CITY. Later in the show we discover it’s somewhere in West Virginia, but I lost interest in knowing by that point anyway.

Your hosts are Jim Ross & Gordon Solie. They desperately need to get a heel commentator to replace drunk Solie again.

Eddie Gilbert v. Hacksaw Higgins

This weirdly random push of Eddie Gilbert in 1990 continues, despite him not appearing on PPV or Clashes or even reforming the New Fabulous Ones with Tommy Rich for any length of time. Yes, that was a real thing they tried in Memphis for a while. No, it did not work. Ironically Gilbert and Rich as a heel team would have been fine, but not like that. NOT LIKE THAT. Gilbert grabs a headlock and Higgins tosses him off and celebrates, so Eddie gives him a sarcastic golf clap to help him out. Higgins tries for a slam, but Eddie gets his own slam, which his impressive because Higgins is a pretty big dude, and a dropkick puts him on the floor. Back in, Eddie works the arm, but he charges and goes flying to the floor. I don’t know what Eddie’s deal is tonight, but he’s doing this weirdly sarcastic overly emotive babyface thing, possibly just to be a dick about it. It would certainly be in character. Higgins knocks him off the apron and Gilbert plays dead on the floor a while, but he comes back in and takes Hacksaw down with a drop toehold. He wraps the leg around the post and does an exaggerated protest of his innocence, as they’re doing this over the top stadium play for an arena of 1000 people for some reason. And then Gilbert slides under him and finishes with a sunset flip at 6:44. What a weird match.

WRESTLING NEWS NETWORK! WITH GORDON SOLIE!

Gordon discusses Sting getting his knee repaired by noted surgeon James Andrews, and Sting is out 4-6 months after “Wrestle Wars 90”. Also more Chicago Street Fights coming between Doom and the Road Warriors! Also Lex Luger is the people’s champion, and the Andersons are threatening to break the Steiners’ arms.

The Rock N Roll Express v. Nasty Ned & Bob Cook

I don’t wanna tell anyone how to do their jobs, but I feel like they should have teamed up Nasty Ned with Hacksaw Higgins instead. Alliteration is king. The RNR is using “Your Mama Don’t Dance” at this point, which is fully WCW because not only was that song way out of date for Poison by that point, but it also completely misses the point of the song. Also I never liked the original Loggins and Messina version, but now we’re just getting off topic completely. Actually by 1990 they should have been using something like Motley Crue’s “Kickstart My Heart”, which is not only a way better entrance music song but also more accurately sums up what they were going for. Poor Nasty Ned, no relation to the Nasty Boys that I’m aware of, gets double-teamed by the Express and Robert takes him down and works the leg in their corner. Ned rakes the eyes and brings in Bob Cook, but before he can unleash his deadly punch, Robert takes him down with an armdrag to counter. Over to Ricky for a kneelift as this crowd of rednecks is RABID for these geezers, and Robert puts Cook down with a back elbow. Nasty Ned catches Robert from a shot from the apron and comes in with a back elbow for two, but Bob Cook comes in and immediately blows it for his team, taking the double dropkick and getting pinned at 5:29. See? You think Hacksaw Higgins would have fallen for that? Well, yeah, I suppose.

Jim Cornette brings out Doom and Teddy Long for an interview, and he claims that Doom “were born in the ghetto and lived on the streets”. Yeah, I’m pretty sure that former rodeo pro Butch Reed and college football superstar Ron Simmons weren’t “living on the streets” at any point in their lives. Anyway, Doom is sticking with the story that they’re street toughs who lived in an apartment for three with a family of nine with no heat and rats attacking you in the alley. And when someone tried to break into the apartment, they mugged the muggers and took THEIR money and sent them to the store to buy food because it was A TOUGH NEIGHBORHOOD. OK that was a clever bit, I’ll give them that.

NWA World title: Ric Flair v. Tommy Rich

Of course I would be remiss in not mentioning that Flair will also be defending the World title at the Omni this weekend, good seats still available, but sadly we don’t get to hear more about that show for one local market until later on when we get to World Championship Wrestling. Well I’m sure not gonna go down to my local ticket outlet and buy a seat now. They trade headlocks as I’m struck with further disappointment at learning that the details of the Sting coloring contest (no purchase necessary) have been cut out by whoever recorded this show. I’d color his face paint all white and make his coat and gear look like it’s all black, because that’s the easiest and coolest way to do it. Then I could retroactively sue them for stealing my designs and maybe make a few bucks off the “creators” of the Crow while I’m at it. Rich escapes a headlock and slugs away on Flair in the corner, and then backdrops him for two. Flair takes Rich to the corner and tries a cheapshot, but Tommy beats him to the punch and chases him to the floor. You know, not that I think Wildfire was any big threat to win the title here or anything, but they’re literally talking about how Flair is defending the title against Lex Luger multiple times coming up and just treating it like Rich has no chance. That’s just insulting. Nah, I’m kidding, no one gives a shit about Rich. Flair finally gets his cheapshot and elbows Rich to the floor, then sends him into the railing and beats on him outside. Back in, Flair punches Rich off the apron and he takes a dramatic bump over the mats and into the railing. Back in, Flair beats on him with chops and rolls him up for two while using the ropes for leverage. Rich rolls him up for two while Flair yells at the fans, however, and makes the comeback with a crossbody for two. Flair just blasts him down with another chop to cut him off and a double arm suplex gets two. Rich comes back again and slugs away in the corner as the crowd in Bumblefuck, West Virginia goes nuts for him like it’s 1982 or something. But then Rich puts his head down and Flair nails him. Figure-four is reversed to a cradle for two by Rich, and a backslide gets two. They fight to the floor again and Rich comes back again, running Flair into the railing, and then slamming Flair off the top to bring him back into the ring again. Why was Flair even going to the top there? Never mind, doesn’t matter, it’s Flair. Rich with the sleeper, but Woman trips him up and he goes after her and then hits Flair with a sunset flip from the outside, for two. Tommy with the THESZ PRESS, THESZ PRESS, THESZ PRESS, but that only gets two. And then they collide coming off the ropes and Flair falls on top and puts his foot on the ropes for the pin at 13:45 to retain. Dammit, that was a really good match and my mockery of Tommy Rich backfired on me. Stupid karma. The finish was really weak though. SO THERE. ***1/4

Another good show this week.