The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 09.28.22

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 09.28.22

Live from Philly

Your hosts are Excalibur, Taz & Tony Schiavone

The Jericho Appreciation Society joins us to start, celebrating the OCHO. And they’ve all got matching purple velvet outfits for the occasion. ENSCONCED IN VELVET. And they brought LUIGI PRIMO THE PIZZA GUY. But he only makes the best pizza for New York City, not Philly. If they adopt Luigi as their mascot to troll the world, then you should just put Jericho in the Hall of Fame right now. So the crowd chants “We want pizza” and Anna Jay freaks out and threatens to choke out the entire crowd. So Jericho has brought Danny Garcia a brand new purple bucket hat, and that’s all Garcia can take, as he punches out the Pizza Guy and throws away the hat. So Garcia goes to split from the team, but Jericho cuts him off and demands to know if he’s a sports entertainer or a wrestler. This brings out Bryan Danielson and William Regal, and they’re offering membership in the Combat Club, which offends Jericho given that he claims ownership of Garcia and all. So Garcia offers a tag team match with himself and Danielson against Jericho and Sammy Guevara. But Daddy Magic freaks out on Garcia and wants to punch out Danielson RIGHT NOW, and this sets up a match RIGHT NOW.

Daddy Magic Matt Menard v. Bryan Danielson

William Regal compares Excalibur to a “rice krispie treat” this week, although I’ve been bingeing through Dahmer and comparing people to food is kind of a sore spot at the moment. Hopefully the show has a happy ending because it’s sure been a downer so far. Danielson ties up Daddy Magic on the mat, but goes up and gets knocked to the floor as we take a break. Back with Daddy Magic hitting Bryan with a clothesline out of the corner for two. Bryan comes back with chops and beats on him with the kicks, which sets up a running clothesline and the running corner kicks. However, Matt takes the ref and Parker hits a DDT on Bryan outside, and that gets two back in the ring. This brings out Claudio to help, as he picks up Cool Hand like a baby and hauls him to the back, allowing Danielson to finish with the Lebell Lock at 9:23. Pretty average for a Bryan match with a surprisingly subdued crowd. ***

Meanwhile, we meet Juice Robinson.

Wheeler Yuta joins us, and he’s looking for MJF to get revenge for Tony Schiavone. But obviously MJF likes to hide and won’t fight. So this brings out Maxwell, who burns Philly, but puts over Yuta while calling himself “Daddy”. What’s with all the daddies in AEW? Daddy Magic, Daddy Ass and now MJF as Daddy. Lots of daddy issues, I guess. Max continues insulting the local sports teams and reminds us all how rich he is now. Yuta still wants a fight, but the Gunns come out to back up MJF and he begs off until next week in DC. I appreciate that they’re letting Yuta have some promo time but he’s still out of his league with MJF.

Meanwhile, Jay Lethal wants to beat Darby Allin on his own, so he’ll do that next week.

Jon Moxley v. ROCK HARD Juice Robinson

Oh man, Tony Khan is so desperate he’s even poaching CJ Parker from NXT now. Sad. Juice tosses Moxley into the railing before the bell and into the ring to start, but Moxley immediately clotheslines him to the floor while MJF watches from the skybox. They brawl out on the floor and exchange forearms in the ring, but Juice bites him in the face to win. Again, TOO SOON after Dahmer. Moxley tries the Death Rider and Juice escapes to the floor and then hits him with a cannonball into the railing as we take a break. Back with Juice headbutting Moxley, and here’s a shock: Moxley is BLEEDING. But he dives off the apron and hits an open chair on the way down. Moxley makes the comeback with his own dive and back in the ring for a lariat battle, but Moxley hits a cutter for two. Apropos that Moxley uses a cutter. He should also use Ospreay’s Hidden Blade, too. Moxley slugs away in the corner, but Juice puts him down with a powerbomb for two. Juice goes up and Moxley boots him on the way down and goes for the Death Rider, but Juice reverses to Pulp Friction for two. Juice tries an airplane spin, but Moxley flips out and hits him with a running knee for two, and then finishes with a cross armbreaker at 10:43. This took a bit to get going but ended up pretty good. ***1/4 Didn’t feel like they had really good chemistry together for whatever reason, though.

Afterwards, this brings out Hangman Page for the stare-down in advance of the title match in Cincy, but MJF interrupts from the skybox, threatening to cash in his chip right away. But then Wheeler Yuta sneaks into the private skybox and attacks him, beating him into the crowd to continue their thing. Security must be really lax in Philly.

Meanwhile, we get some highlights of Bandido, for those are too lazy to Google him and buy the ROH PPVs. Am I gatekeeping properly there?

Saraya joins us in the ring and apparently it’s her house. So she brings out the AEW ladies on the babyface side, but Dr. Britt Baker DMD and her crew interrupt, with Penelope Ford now joining them. Britt gets a funny line when she calls Saraya “nothing but a catchphrase” and then does her own catchphrase. Britt throws SHADE at Saraya’s neck and how people don’t know how to pronounce “Saraya”, and then brings out Serena Deeb for her title match. This was pretty brutal.

AEW Women’s title: Toni Storm v. Serena Deeb

And since everyone is out there already, Saraya announces that it’s a lumberjack match now, which she cleared with Tony Khan earlier. Wait, so Saraya’s plan to avoid interference is to put MORE PEOPLE around the ring? Not sure I agree 100% with your detective work there, Lou. Toni trades shoulderblocks with Deeb and Deeb lands on the floor, but gets tossed back in for some chops from Storm. Deeb gets her own while Madison Rayne does some distracting reactions on the floor, but Toni goes for a suplex and Deeb reverses for two. They head to the floor for a showdown as we take a break. Back with Storm going to the top with a crossbody for two and Deeb retreats to the floor, but she gets thrown back in again. Storm misses the HIP ATTACK OF DEATH and Deeb rolls her up for two. They trade cradles for two and Deeb gets a crazy double arm submission and then rolls it into a neck crank submission on the mat. Toni escapes and comes back, but Hayter pulls her out of the ring and we get a brawl with the lumberjacks again while Deeb gets the Serenity Lock in the ring. Storm makes the ropes and goes up again, but Deeb rolls through a crossbody and into a half-crab. Storm pushes her off and into the corner for the hip attack, and then gets the piledriver for two. Deeb goes up and Storm cuts her off, then brings her down with another piledriver, off the middle rope, and that finishes at 11:48. The lumberjack stip added absolutely nothing to this one, but it was a good match regardless. ***1/4

Meanwhile, the Acclaimed declare that next week is NATIONAL SCISSORING DAY on Dynamite. And on Rampage, they’ve got an open contract, but Keith Lee interrupts and he’s displeased due to the dishonorable actions of Daddy Ass last week. Billy Gunn has two words for him: SCISSOR ME. I thought he was going for something else there.

Meanwhile, Private Party wants out of their deal with Andrade after an argument with Butcher & Blade, and Matt Hardy tells them if they can exit their contract, he’ll make it worth their while. Sounds like CONTRACT TAMPERING to me.

Ricky Starks v. local talent

The jobber is Eli something and he’s done in 0:43.

ROH World title: Chris Jericho v. Bandido

I’m dubious about putting this in a main event slot, even though the match will likely be awesome. Jericho puts him down with a clothesline right away, but Bandido sends him to the floor and hits him with triple dives as we take a break. Back with Bandido hitting a press slam for two, but Jericho goes up and Bandido superkicks him on the way down. Bandido with a delayed suplex, so delayed that they should call it Deadpool 3. Oh wait, that’s finally happening now, never mind. Also he held it up there so long that the crowd ran out of numbers to count! Granted it’s Philly so they’d have to take off their shoes and socks to make it over 20 anyway. Bandido with a frog splash for two, but Jericho boots him down and follows with a corner clothesline. Bandido fights him off and goes up, but Jericho catches him with a codebreaker on the way down for two. They head to the apron and slug it out, and Bandido takes him to the floor with a rana as we take another break. Back with Bandido bleeding under his mask from somewhere, and he blocks Jericho’s springboard dropkick with a powerbomb for two. Jericho fires back with the Lionsault for two. Bandido with a crucifix bomb for two. Jericho takes him down with the Walls, but Bandido makes the ropes and bails to the apron. Jericho suplexes him back into the ring and goes to the top, but Bandido kicks him down and brings him down with the moonsault fallaway slam for two. When even are physics? Bandido with a GTS and Jericho falls into the ropes for the 21-Plex, which gets two. But then Jericho pokes him in the eye and pulls the mask down, and cradles for two. And the Liontamer finishes the blinded Bandido at 19:25 to retain. **** And then Jericho challenges Bryan Danielson to an ROH title match in Toronto so he can spit on the legacy of ROH for good, and then hits the ring announcer with the Judas Effect as the show suddenly goes off the air. Well that was an underwhelming finale, but a great main event. If Bandido is available I have no idea why they don’t bring him in full time.

You could definitely tell this show was affected by missing people due to the Florida situation, as lots of stuff seemed stretched out for no reason other than filling airtime and overall it was a pretty average show. Jericho trying to destroy ROH is OK with me, though.