The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 09.16.22
Taped from Albany, NY
Your hosts are Jim Ross, Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Chris Jericho
Darby Allin v. Matt Hardy
Matt works the arm to start, but Darby takes him down with a headlock and hopefully doesn’t break Matt’s hip in the process. Matt fights out of that and threatens to delete Darby, if he can remember which button to push on his keyboard, but Darby cradles for two and sends Matt to the floor and into the stairs. WHY IS HE HURTING THAT NICE OLD MAN? Darby goes up and tries a coffin drop on the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING, but that misses and Darby splats on the floor. Matt follows with a powerbomb into the post, although back in Matt’s day we had ROUND posts and not these crazy square ones that the kids all love now. Back in the ring, Matt works the back while JR and Jericho discuss the Hardy Compound and how JR doesn’t know about it, which is funny because they literally had a match from the Hardy Compound and I’m pretty sure Jim did commentary for it. Although Jericho talks about “shrubbery”, which is one of the funniest words in the English language to me. Ha, shrubbery. Matt works the back and tries a monkey flip, but Darby counters for two and hits a hip attack in the corner. Matt fights back with the Side Effect out of the corner for two. Another Side Effect follows and he attempts to Delete again, although the photos remain on his iCloud so he’s angry and confused why they’re still on his iPad. This allows Darby to counter the Twist of Fate and he goes up to finish, but Matt catches him in a crucifix, apropos for someone alive during the time of Christ, and a powerbomb gets two. Moonsault misses and Darby gets a Code Red for two and finishes with the Last Supper for the pin at 10:00. This also makes Matt angry because supper was already at 4:00pm. HE’S OLD IS WHAT I’M GOING FOR HERE. This was SLOOOOOOOOOOW and much like the Dynamite show, had no crowd heat. **
And then the lights go out and Brody King appears for a beatdown on Matt, and he’s apparently not done with Darby and Sting yet, so they’ll have a No DQ match next week on Rampage.
Meanwhile, we finally get the match between Sammy and Eddie Kingston next week on Rampage.
Claudio Castagnoli joins us with Wheeler Yuta in tow, and he’s confident that Wheeler will learn a lesson in loss and regain his Pure title soon. And also the BCC will have 2 World champions after next week. So this brings out Chris Jericho, who denies tapping out to Danielson and runs through his WWF, WWE and AEW World title reigns, but notes he’s never been ROH champion, so he’s going for the OCHO. Bold move Cotton, we’ll see if it pays off. So they’ll have an ROH title match next Wednesday. Well that show is certainly loaded up.
Meanwhile, Jade Cargill is tired of winning for nine months and is out of challengers, and she’s bored of it. Join the club. They desperately need something for Jade to actually do as champion. Anyway, Diamante interrupts and she’s the latest one to have no chance. I know this is a hot take, but the TBS title ended up being a pointless idea that has done nothing for Jade and doesn’t help anyone else either since it’s rarely defended, and anyone who challenges barely looks like a contender anyway.
Penelope Ford v. Willow Nightingale
Willow overpowers Penelope and takes her down for a headlock, and a rollup gets two. Small package gets two. They criss-cross and Willow tries a pounce, but misses and lands facefirst, allowing Ford to dropkick her on the ropes to take over. Springboard kneedrop onto the apron follows and she runs Willow into the post. Back in for the handspring elbow in the corner, and face-licking gets two. Willow comes back with a neckbreaker and misses a senton, allowing Ford to go to a chinlock and then choke Willow out on the ropes. Fite takes a break and we return with Willow hitting a spinebuster for two, but Ford hits a stunner for two. This earns Penelope the prestigious SPORTS ENTERTAINER OF THE WEEK award from Jericho, but Willow fights back with the pounce and puts Ford on the floor. Back in, Willow with a backslide for two, but Ford hits a Stroke and finishes with the bridging Guardian deathlock at 8:29. This is certainly a match that happened, and you can’t take that away from them. *1/2
Meanwhile, Hangman Page apologizes to the Dark Order for what went down at All Out, but next week they all have a shot in the battle royale, so everything is fine. But Andrade again stops by looking to recruit, but they don’t speak Spanish so can’t really figure out his deal.
Ethan Page v. Danhausen
Danhausen tries the mockery route, so Page puts him down with a big boot while Jericho STEALS MY JIMMY PAGE JOKE about the Firm. COME ON, MAN! Ego’s Edge finishes at 1:23.
NEXT WEEK: 2 hours of Rampage! Thankfully they have a way better card for that than this week’s show.
ROH TV title: Samoa Joe v. Josh Woods
They fight for the takedown to start and Woods gets to the ropes to escape. They slug it out and Josh blocks the headbutt and hits Joe with knees, but Joe sends him to the floor, which allows Tony Nese to sneak in and get a cheapshot on Joe. Woods gets two from that and goes to the armbar on the mat and he SHOOTS THE HALF for two. Jericho’s strategy would be to tape his good arm and FOOL his opponent. Woods slugs away on Joe, but Joe puts him down with a shoulderblock. Woods goes after the arm again and works on that, but Joe fights up and then misses an elbow. Back to the arm for Woods, but Joe fights up with the sleeper, and Wood reverses to a suplex for two. Joe comes back with the atomic drop and big boot for two, but Woods goes for the arm again. Joe powerslams him for two and sets up for the Muscle Buster, but Sterling takes the ref and Woods gets a rollup for two. Josh powers him up into a form of the GTS for two, but he tries it again and Joe counters with the uranage out of the corner and follows with the Muscle Buster at 10:08 to retain. Just kind of a normal Joe match. **1/2 The heels go for the beatdown, but Wardlow saves and Mark Sterling barely escapes a powerbomb to end the show. Interesting that we’ve had two teases of AEW v. ROH champions on this show, with a hint of Mercedes Martinez challenging Jade earlier and then Wardlow and Joe clinking belts together here. Hopefully this means Tony is getting ready to give up on the ROH TV idea and unify some titles, but I doubt it.
This was a complete nothing of a show, although next week looks much better, of course.