The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 08.31.22
Live from Chicago, IL
Your hosts are Jim Ross, Taz, Excalibur & Tony Schiavone
Undisputed AEW World champion Jon Moxley joins us to start, which hopefully means we’ll get a main event announced for the PPV at some point tonight. Some clown in the front row has a “Just Enjoy Wrestling” sign, which sounds EXACTLY like something a bitter WWE fan would say! I’m not going to fall for that kind of obvious troll bait. The crowd chants for CM Punk, but Mox notes that “they’re probably still mopping him off the mat in Cleveland”. Also, his claims of being a “60 minute man” turned out to be about 57 minutes short. Also Punk “folded up and died” and disappointed his fans because he turned out not to be what we all thought he was. Fragile ego, fragile body, weak mind, weak spirit. But now we move on to an open contract for All Out, which he leaves in the ring for anyone who wants to come at him. And whoever it is, has been warned.
Meanwhile, Chris Jericho has thought about the question posed by Bryan Danielson last week, and he’s pretty sure that Stu and Owen would be more impressed with Jericho’s accomplishments in the business. And then Daniel Garcia stops by to pledge his allegiance to Jericho.
Bryan Danielson v. Jake Hager
Bryan tries for a takedown and Hager stuffs him and lays a beating in the corner. Danielson tries a guillotine and Hager escapes to the floor, so Bryan hits him with a dive. But then he tries a dive off the apron and Hager catches him and slams him through the ringside table and runs him into the post to injure the back. Back in, Hager pounds him with elbows and takes him down with a slam, and we take a break. Back with Hager slugging away on the top rope, but Danielson hits him with a missile dropkick and makes the comeback with the kicks. That only gets two, so Bryan tries for an armbar from below and then pulls him into a triangle. Hager powerbombs him to escape that and goes for the anklelock, but Bryan reverses to a crossface and Hager makes the ropes. Bryan throws more kicks, but Hager takes him down with a choke attempt and Bryan escapes that and hits the bu saiku knee for the pin at 10:50. Everything after the break was a really great submission battle and this was a good opener. ***1/4 And then we get a brawl between the Combat Club and JAS, with Daddy Magic’s bug-eyed run-in standing as the highlight. But Jericho goes to hit Danielson with a chair and Daniel Garcia steals the chair, acting as his conscience, and that allows Danielson to lay out Jericho with the knee.
So is Draft Kings going to offer bets on whether they’ll actually announce a main event by the end of this show?
The Wingmen join us, complaining about not getting booked on Dynamite, but W. Morrissey interrupts before they can touch pinky tips and lays them out, and he’s apparently Stokely’s next guy. I’m still not sold. And why do we need friggin’ BIG CASS taking up another spot when the show is already overloaded as it is?
Meanwhile, Will Ospreay’s interview gets interrupted by Don Callis, who is confident that Will is taking another One Winged Angel tonight.
Dr. Britt Baker DMD & Jamie Hayter v. Hikaru Shida & Toni Storm
Hayter overpowers Shida to start, but Shida takes her down with a rana that looks like it HURT. The faces double-team her in the corner, so Jamie brings Britt in and she gets double-teamed as well. Storm gets caught in the heel corner and we take a break. Back with Storm fighting back with a tornado DDT on Britt and making a hot tag to Shida, who suplexes Hayter and follows with a double knee for two. They try a double suplex on Hayter, but it is Hayter who does the double suplex on them, and Britt hits Shida with the neckbreaker for two. Britt misses the stomp and Shida hits her with a missile dropkick while Storm gets rid of Hayter outside. And Shida hits Britt with a spinkick to finish at 8:17. That should probably seal the deal for Britt winning the title. This was fun. **1/2
Meanwhile, Kip Sabian makes himself out to be a supervillain because he wore a box on his head for 6 months. So apparently he gets a title shot at All Out.
Meanwhile, Miro and his new friends are unimpressed by the House of Black.
CM Punk joins us and he admits that his foot was pulverized and repaired in June, and he might have come back too soon last week and he’s not sure if he’s still got enough. And then Ace Steele, who grabbed the open contract earlier, interrupts and he doesn’t want to hear any retirement talk from Punk. So he tells Punk to sign the damn contract and fight Moxley. And this fires up Punk enough to fight for Chicago and he signs the contract. Nothing against Ace Steele, but this would have been 1000 times more effective if they got Colt Cabana to be the guy to talk Punk into it. Steele has never even been on AEW TV before.
Jim Ross sits down with Jungle Boy and Christian, and now apparently Christian has an elbow injury going into the PPV. Christian clarifies that he never cared about Jungle Boy and he was only in it for money, and Jungle Boy declares that it’ll be JACK PERRY fighting at All Out.
FTR & Wardlow v. three quickly announced enhancement goobers
Apparently one of them is “Red Jones”, which Taz is skeptical about being his real name. They quickly dispatch one of them with the Big Rig into the powerbomb from Wardlow at 2:00. This doesn’t feel like a PPV match at all but I’m sure it’ll be good at least.
Jon Moxley returns and he’s fine with Punk going out on his shield on Sunday. I mean…it was a good promo from Punk, but “Chicago is awesome and they love CM Punk!” is doing some serious heavy lifting in this buildup here.
Meanwhile, Tony announces that 10 has hurt his knee, but Evil Uno will be stepping in on Rampage for the Dark Order. But Andrade interrupts and he’s throwing money around, but Uno denies him, so he too gets beat up and 10 gets stun-gunned, I guess? Maybe he should watch On Patrol Live and learn how to sell a tazer.
Rush v. Dante Martin v. Rey Fenix v. Wheeler Yuta
And they start going FAST as I’m sure they’re on an immediate time crunch to keep the main event from running out of time. Everyone hits the big spots right away and Dante gets a Code Red on Fenix for two, but Fenix cradles for two and then hits Rush with a tope suicida on the rebound. And then everyone else does their dives, including Rush, and we take a break. Back with Rush hitting a piledriver on Yuta for two, but Dante slams Fenix for two. Poison rana and he goes up to finish, but Yuta breaks that up and we get more dives. Yuta misses a flying stomp, but recovers with a cradle on Dante for the pin at 8:14. Just a crazy spotfest to set up the crazy spotfest ladder match at the PPV. ***
Meanwhile, Silver and Reynolds are ready to go it alone on Rampage, but Hangman Page offers to step in. Feels like they rushed through a couple of steps there. Logically you’d think they would have been Uno do the match on Rampage but get injured, and then Page does the finals as the big surprise payoff.
Trios tournament semi-final: The Young Bucks & Kenny Omega v. Will Ospreay & Aussie Open
The introduction for Omega is tremendous, with Kenny bragging about selling more merchandise than Ospreay among other things. Kenny has shed more equipment and he’s down to a shirt now. And we get Omega and Ospreay right away as they slug it out and we get a brawl from both teams. Bucks do a double dive onto Aussie Open, but they get caught and Ospreay hits them all with a Sky Twister Press to take over. Everyone fights to the ramp and we take a break. Back with Mark Davis slamming both Bucks at the same time, and the Aussies hit a double-team cutter on Matt for two. Matt fights back with a facebuster on Ospreay and brings Omega back in with the Kotaru crusher on Davis for two. Snapdragons on the Aussies follow and he tosses Ospreay, but he skins the cat and fires off a superkick to Omega. Then he lands on his feet on a snapdragon and tosses Omega, but Kenny dodges the SPACE FLYING TIGER DROP and finally gets the snapdragon on the floor. Back in the ring, Aussie Open hits Kenny with a double superplex for two. So Ospreay rips off Omega’s shirt and goes after the injured shoulder, and a backbreaker gets two as we take another break. Back with Nick Jackson running wild with a double facebuster on Aussie Open and Tornado DDT on Ospreay outside, but he misses a 450 in the ring. And Ospreay hits his own snapdragon on Nick and teases a V-Trigger, and they do a crazy reversal sequence that ends with Ospreay hitting a powerbomb for two. They try to triple-team Nick, but he fights them off with a stunner on Ospreay, and the Elite triple-team Fletcher and hit the BTE Trigger for two. Davis saves, so they get rid of him , but Ospreay comes in with their own version of the Meltzer Driver on Matt for two in an incredible near fall. Kenny saves and it’s a SUPERKICK PARTY for Fletcher, which leads to a V-Trigger, but Ospreay cuts him off. So they take out Ospreay with the indietaker and then Kenny hits Fletcher with the V-Trigger and finishes with the One Winged Angel at 20:00 to advance to the finals. I know this will be a controversial hot take, but follow along with me here: Will Ospreay is an incredible professional wrestler. And I want to see Omega v. Ospreay more than anything else they’re promoting for the show, to be honest. This match was just nuts and I think there’s not going to be a whole lot on Sunday that can even follow it, but I’m sure they’ll try. ****3/4
I’d say they did a good of getting me more hyped for the PPV, but most of the show is still not big show worthy as far as I can see. Hopefully TK has something big in the chamber again this year.