The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 08.12.22

The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 08.12.22

Quake By the Lake Part 2

Taped from Minneapolis, MN

Your hosts are Jim Ross, Excalibur & Tony Schiavone

Bryan Danielson joins us in the ring to start, and Tony is spreading wild rumors about Bryan not being 100% and Daniel Garcia maybe ending his career. But Bryan only needs to live 100%, not necessarily BE 100%. Well good thing. Also he’s never going to quit wrestling no matter what injuries may be suffered. Daniel Garcia quickly interrupts and he thinks that Bryan is already making excuses for another loss, and all the retirements and returns are hurting him personally. But you know what hurts Bryan? THAT SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT BULLSHIT. And Chris Jericho is ruing Garcia with it, so Bryan wants Garcia to think about being the best technical wrestler in the world while he’s getting his head kicked in on Wednesday, and gives him something to think about. Garcia would certainly fit with the BCC.

AAA Mixed Tag Team title: Sammy Guevara & Tay Melo v. Dante Martin & Skye Blue

I mean, on the bright side, glad to see Skye Blue getting TV time, but they’ve gotta stop jobbing both of them. We get the four-way slugfest to start and Dante beats on Sammy with chops until Tay tags herself in. It’s so weird that they don’t even explain the name change. Why not just say “Conti was her ex-husband’s name” so people know? Tay ties up Skye in a wacky submission hold and turns it into a cradle for two. Blue fights back with knees and some kicks, but Sammy trips her up and Tay gets a pump kick to take over. Tay chokes her out on the ropes, but Skye gets a rollup for two, so Tay stops for a motivational kiss from Sammy and hits a bad pump kick in the corner, barely making contact. Skye dodges a second one and rolls her up for two, and makes the hot tag to Dante. Dante dropkicks him to the floor and follows with the tope, and then comes back in the ring with a Canadian Destroyer where he jumps off Tay’s back for leverage. They took a while to set that up but it was pretty neat. Skye tags herself in again and hits Sammy with a flying rana, but Tay finishes with the TayKO at 7:15. This was basically a Dark Elevation match and the finish was obvious. **1/2

Parker Boudreaux v. Sonny Kiss

Wish Brock beats on Sonny in the corner, but misses a charge and Sonny slugs back. Parker chokeslams him and finishes with a slam at 0:50. Nothing to this one, but Sonny deserves way better than getting squashed like that.

Meanwhile, Andrade and Rush split up with Private Party for good, apparently.

The Gunn Clubb v. Danhausen & Erick Redbeard

Erick puts both Gunns down with shoulders to clear the ring, but Danhausen tags himself in and curses Austin. Over to Colten, but Danhausen wraps him up in the corner with submission move until Austin saves and Colten puts him down with a dropkick. Colten stomps him down in the corner, but Danhausen fights back until a cheapshot puts him down again. Austin comes in with another beatdown in the corner and Fite takes a break. Good thing, I needed a minute to process all the action and catch up. Back with Danhausen escaping Austin and making the hot tag to Redbeard, who tosses the Gunns and hits them with a crossbody out there. Back in, a spinkick on Austin gets two. Colten saves and Redbeard suplexes both of them and brings Danhausen back, but Billy Gunn takes out Redbeard and Austin hits Danhausen with the fameasser to finish at 7:00. Again, the finish was obvious here. But then Billy immediately buries his sons, wishing they were the Acclaimed because they’re disappointing him every week. And again, Stokely Hathaway tries to give out his one business card and gets rebuked. Another nothing of a match. *1/2

Meanwhile, Keith Lee and Swerve aren’t feeling threatened by Private Party for their title match on next week’s show, especially since Keith destroyed both of them already.

Hook joins us for an interview with Tony in the ring, as the announcers again remind us that the FTW title isn’t officially recognized by AEW. Good thing, otherwise there’d be way too many titles floating around. Hook clarifies that the title is always an open challenge, but ZACK CLAYTON interrupts and he’s from NEW JERSEY. HOLY SHIT IT’S ZACK CLAYTON. Why hasn’t HHH signed him for Smackdown too? We get a split screen promo between them and everything. So that’s apparently next week on Rampage. Seriously guys, it’s ZACK CLAYTON! Levesque’s not the only one making moves!

Orange Cassidy v. Ari Daivari

Seriously, Slim J on TV in 2022? Ari gives Orange a chance to throw the match and join his team, but then Orange swerves him and rolls away from the pin. The Best Friends stop for a hug to motivate Orange, and he goes to the pockets and puts Daivari down with a dropkick. Ari catches him with a neckbreaker in the ropes and takes over, whipping him into the corner and beating on him with chops before choking him on the ropes. Orange comes back with the spinning headscissors, but Daivari dumps him and runs him into the railing a few times. Back in the ring, Daivari with the chinlock and he changes to a sleeper, but Orange uses the pockets to escape. They clothesline each other for the double down, but Orange goes up and Daivari cuts him off. Orange fights him off with a crossbody, but Daivari hits him with a neckbreaker. Orange with a brainbuster to set up the superkick, but Daivari counters the Orange punch into a uranage for two. Orange comes back with the DDT and goes up with a flying DDT for two, then hits Parker with a dive. Back in, Daivari gets an Iconoclasm for two. Orange Punch finishes at 12:03. This was fine, but who gives a shit about the Trustbusters? *** And then Sonny Kiss randomly comes in to save the Best Friends from a beatdown, but turns heel to join the Trustbusters. Perhaps I should have clarified earlier that when I said Sonny deserved better, I didn’t mean “Joining the loser stable with a heel turn.”

Kind of feels like Tony Khan is giving up on this show the past few weeks, especially with a lineup like this one. Not bad, but this is basically the same stuff we get every week on Dark and Elevation and they didn’t even mention All Out on this episode, with only three weeks to go until the PPV. Another nothing of an episode that you can 100% skip without missing anything.