The SmarK Rant for Smoky Mountain Wrestling – 05.07.94

The SmarK Rant for Smoky Mountain Wrestling – 05.07.94

Taped from the Anderson Country High School in Clinton, TN

Oddly this one uses the generic Mid-South intro music for the opening.

Your hosts are Bob Caudle & Les Thatcher

Dirty White Boy v. Dark Secret

Now, I’m just a simple country hyper-chicken, but I would have to assume that the entrance music scrubbed out is “Dirty White Boy” by Foreigner, right? Dark Secret is ironically not a very secret identity, as he’s a very early gig for Road Dogg Jesse James. DWB finishes him in 0:50 with a chokeslam and that’s that.

Dirty White Boy joins Bob at the desk, discussing his blinding at the hands of Kendo the Samurai (or “that Jap you’ve got running around” in his words) but right now his focus is on Volunteer Slam on May 20, as he’s defending against Jake Roberts.

BREAKING NEWS: Chip Kessler is on location at a house show where Rock N Roll Express have lost the SMW tag team titles to Chris Candido & Brian Lee, after a singles match between Candido and Morton turned into a tag team match later in the evening. Unfortunately, Candido gave Ricky an ILLEGAL PILEDRIVER and earned himself a $1000 fine, but left Ricky injured for his tag title match and unable to wrestle. So Robert goes it alone until Ricky stupidly comes out and tags himself in, but the long-term effects of the piledriver are too much, and Candido quickly pins him to win the tag team titles. Ah, the 90s were a quaint time when people thought that piledrivers could legitimately cause long-term damage to the brain and spine! Of course, these days we know better. For reference sake, this was basically a redo of how Tully and Arn won the tag team titles for the first time in 1987.

The Thrillseekers are running around Tennessee, having wacky adventures and seeking thrills, while Jericho tries to pick up women in the bar and gets shot down. I’m assuming the terrible butt rock song here is covering up something else. Also I’m pretty sure Jericho bursting into Lance Storm’s hotel room and annoying him because he wanted to sleep in is 100% a shoot.

Last week: Bruiser Bedlam screws Tracy Smothers over and Bob Armstrong has to make the save, but Bob goes after Cornette and Bruiser puts the beating on the Bullet as well. This had everything: Stomach claws, 80 year old Bob Armstrong as a badass, and Jim Cornette throwing powder.

Meanwhile, Randy Savage does a promo from the WWF, setting up his match with Bruiser Bedlam at Volunteer Slam on May 20.

Beat the Champ TV title: Bruiser Bedlam v. Chris Hamrick

Bedlam quickly puts the beats on Hamrick and slams him, and then Hamrick takes a crazy backdrop bump to the floor, leaving even Bedlam stunned. I think he just decided to do that one instead of whatever they had planned. And then Bedlam tosses him back in and finishes with the dreaded stomach claw at 1:30.

Meanwhile, Jim Cornette and Bruiser Bedlam travel around Knoxville doing weight training, and Bruiser presses 500 pounds at a gym. Bruiser doing 405 as a warmup and declaring “What was that, baby food weight? PUT SOME MORE ON THAT!” was pretty funny, I’ll give him that. Next up, we go to the side of the road, where Bruiser PUNCHES NAILS THROUGH A BOARD to show his power. OK, that had to be gimmicked, but that was pretty awesome. Finally, they go out to a field and Bruiser breaks beer bottles on his own head and busts himself open in the process. Jim Cornette doing a non-stop promo through the whole thing, selling it like a carnival barker for like 5 minutes straight, is the definition of the hard sell. OK, I’m sold, this was pretty awesome.

Meanwhile, Jake Roberts sends in another promo from his home, making fun of Dirty White Boy’s name and blinding.

Daryl Van Horne and his samurai join Bob at the desk, as Van Horne points out that Kendo is Japanese, and therefore a master of deception. Also he declares himself to be on the same level as God himself. You know, because he manages Kendo the Samurai.

The Thrillseekers v. Well Dunn

Lemme tell ya, having just come back from Calgary after taking my family to the zoo on vacation, the only “thrills” I got were Google Maps taking me on a route home through 50km of unkempt gravel roads for god knows what reason, and then forcing us to stop in Hanna, proud home of Nickelback, for gas, because otherwise it would be 4.5 hours without any civilization or rest stops. Oh, and a rock from the gravel cracked my windshield, so basically FUCK CALGARY is what I’m saying. Other than that, my vacation was fine. Jericho sends the heels running with punches to start, and then hits Dunn with a Lionsault for two, sending them running again. Back in, Lance does a criss cross with Well and dropkicks him into an armbar. Jericho comes in and Dunn pulls down the top rope, sending Jericho into the railing, and Well Dunn takes over. They double-team Jericho in the corner and Dunn goes to a chinlock, before suckering Lance in and doing some double-teaming on Jericho behind the ref’s back. Dunn goes up and lands on Jericho’s foot and it’s hot tag Lance, who runs wild with slams and an impressive leaping crossbody out of the corner. It’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA, but the Thrillseekers get double rollups and finish at 6:39 as Well Dunn is, well, done. A good basic tag team match after weeks of the Seekers doing crazy shit in squashes. ***

The Bruiser Bedlam stuff was actually the highlight for me this week, just a crazy old throwback to the 70s style of heel promo you didn’t see anymore by that time.