The SmarK Rant for Smoky Mountain Wrestling – 04.30.94

The SmarK Rant for Smoky Mountain Wrestling – 04.30.94

We actually jump ahead a full month on the Network’s collection of SMW stuff now. I know it’s “available” elsewhere but I want to work through the Network versions first before I explore that. Also, we’re making good progress on the legal front and everything is totally under control, like 80%. 72% at absolute worst. Smooth sailing. If we’re being honest, I MAY have neglected to notice a small bit of fine print in the contract, but it’s nothing that can’t be worked out.

Taped from the Anderson County High School in Clinton, TN, which I’m assuming is not a town named after Hilary.

Your hosts are Bob Caudle & Les Thatcher

Well Dunn v. Anthony Michaels & Bobby Blaze

Bob clarifies how to tell Well Dunn apart: Well is the dark haired one and Dunn is the blond. You know, if this was AEW, they’d just have their names stitched on their asses and there wouldn’t be any confusion. To be clear, they DO both have “Well Dunn” stitched on their asses as it is, but that doesn’t help me tell them apart. Michaels gets some shine on Well to start and hiptosses him in the corner, but puts his head down and gets beat down by Dunn. Dunn suplexes him and Well comes in with a somersault senton off the middle rope that nearly misses and goes horribly wrong, but they recover and it gets two. Michaels fights back for a bit, but Well Dunn finishes him with the old Rougeau Bomb at 3:09. Michaels apparently went on to national fame and fortune as Little Snot Dudley for those keeping track of his career.

Bob Armstrong joins us to announce that Jake Roberts is coming in to face Dirty White Boy for the SMW title, and Jake is meaner than a dirty snake in a corn field, if you know what he means! No, Bob, we don’t know what you mean. Jake pops in via pretaped promo, talking about all the stuff he did in bigger better promotions before this, still bitching that the WWF wouldn’t put him in the ring with Hulk Hogan. He doesn’t even know who Dirty White Boy is! Well that’s a lie, they were in Mid-Atlantic together in 82 and I think even teamed up. To be fair, Jake was on so much shit at this point that he could barely remember to lace his own shoes anyway.

Dirty White Boy joins us at the desk, pledging to defend his title despite the fact that he’s only got one eye at the moment, and we take a look back at last week when the dreaded Prince Kharis faced him for the title and lost when DWB hit him with his own loaded forearm. But then the Samurai also attacks and sprays green mist in his face, blinding him to set up a heel beatdown. Back at the desk, White Boy clarifies that he got “pearl harbored by a slanty-eyed sock-wearing geek” and his “little bitty closet queen” Darryl Van Horn. In this case, the slanty-eyed sock-wearing geek was Tim Horner in his guise as Kendo the Samurai, carrying on the long running wrestling tradition of white guys playing ninjas. Nowadays it’s cool to once again unironically watch white guys doing karate thanks to UFC and Cobra Kai.

Kendo the Samurai v. Brian Logan

Logan was apparently one of Horner’s trainees at the time, and he went on to use the Kendo gimmick himself later on among other interchangeable masked heel gimmicks like the Infernos. Kendo SWEEPS THE LEG and uses assorted karate on him, then puts him down with a high kick and side suplex. Kendo gives him a vicious two fingered nerve hold to the jaw and then punches him in the head to finish him at 3:00.

Darryl Von Horne and his ninja join Bob at the desk, and he’s already starting to channel the future Father Mitchell character with his cadence.

The Thrillseekers join Les Thatcher in the ring for an interview, as they talk about how happy they are to be here and Lance Storm sounds pretty nervous. So Well Dunn quickly interrupts, claiming that Jericho and Storm have been DODGING them because they were in the WWF and everyone is scared of them. Dunn has a list of grievances, and they want entrance music, videos, big contracts, and the whole works. Jericho calls them “Beavis & Butthead”, eerily prescient of the Paramount Plus exclusive movie that just dropped last month here in 2022. That was a pretty impressive guess on his part! So next week, it’s Thrillseekers v. Well Dunn! RIGHT HERE ON TV! Lance’s answer is not yes…it’s HELL YES. With a dry Canadian wit like that, he should be an action star!

Macho Man Randy Savage joins us from a WWF pre-tape segment, and he’s coming to Knoxville Tennessee to face Bruiser Bedlam on behalf of Bob Armstrong.

Bruiser Bedlam and Jim Cornette join Bob back at the desk, and Cornette promises that Savage and Bob are both going out on a stretcher at the Volunteer Slam, and he actually does a pretty good Macho Man impression, OH YEAH. Bruiser clarifies his backstory: He’s a strike-breaker from Detroit. But did he wear an onion on his belt, which was the style at the time? Man, Cornette spent YEARS pushing Bedlam as his pet project for some reason. What a waste, given what a garbage human being Bedlam was.

The Rock N Roll Express join us, and they’re once again the SMW tag team champions.

Tracy Smothers v. Bruiser Bedlam

The music is overdubbed as usual, but given the Detroit backstory I’m assuming they were using “Detroit Rock City” for him? Bruiser overpowers him to start as Tracy bumps around the ring for him. Tracy fights back with a crossbody, but Bedlam beats him down and chokes him out on the ropes. Bruiser goes up and falls flat on his face in an embarrassing botch, so Tracy makes the comeback with a dropkick and slugs him down. Superkick gets two. Tracy goes up and hits the JAWJACKER, his flying elbow, but that only gets two and everyone is shocked. So he goes up again, but Cornette trips him up and Bedlam gets the cheap pin at 5:41. Bedlam was REALLY bad. *1/2 And Bedlam destroys Tracy afterwards, putting him in the stomach claw and then beating on him with the tennis racket until Bob Armstrong makes the save. So they beat up Bullet Bob as well and Cornette throws powder in Tracy’s face, and finally the Thrillseekers make the save and chase the heels off.

Tracy Smothers joins us at the desk, and he’s gonna take the bookings against Bruiser Bedlam in shows coming up to defend the honor of Bullet Bob, because the ball game isn’t over until the fat lady sings, and the south will rise again! Well there’s some mixed metaphors to unpack.

I just don’t understand why they didn’t just dump all this SMW stuff on the Network. It’s all ready to go and sitting in the archives, and most of it was on 24/7 years ago so they don’t even have to do anything to it. Anyway, not the best action this week, but a very entertaining hour of TV.