The SmarK Rant for NWA Main Event – 02.11.90
I think we can all agree we’re literally never getting the missing parts of WCW’s history filled in on the WWE Network, so it’s time to just go to other sources, which I can assure you with 100% confidence are totally legal and above reproach, and review whatever I want. So I’m skipping forward from 1989 a bit, onto a period completely unrepresented aside from the big shows, 1990!
For reference, we pick things up just after Clash X, which saw Sting get injured and screw up the whole year’s worth of plans.
Taped from Cobb County, GA
Your hosts are Jim Ross & Michael Hayes, and maybe Missy? She does the intros with JR and Michael Hayes does the color commentary for the matches, which I think is for the best.
Norman the Lunatic v. Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker
Norman is using “Shout” by the Isley Brothers and brings the Sunday newspaper with him to read. Norman headbutts Buddy and then throws a DROPKICK, but misses a blind charge and Parker beats on him in the corner. Norman shrugs off his offense and comes back with another headbutt and a backdrop before choking him out on the ropes. Norman with a legdrop, but Parker cuts him off again and tries a sunset flip. And, uh, the tape cuts out there, but I presume Norman sat on him and pinned him. Just like back in the old days of tape trading!
Meanwhile at the Clash, the Horsemen give Sting two hours to pull out of the World title match with Flair, OR ELSE. Sting doesn’t need two hours and tells them to go suck a metaphorical lemon, but Ole kicks him out of the group and Flair immediately sides with the Andersons after trying to talk sense into Sting. And then later in the night, Sting charges the cage and messes up his knee trying to climb in, dooming the PPV main event as a result.
The Horsemen join us for some comments later on, and Ole admits that they’re old dogs, and Arn is sick of signing autographs and kissing babies, and it makes him want to PUKE. They just wanted to party, but Sting wanted to go train and then go to bed early, thus wrecking all their fun. Flair thinks kids are great, and everyone oughta have “five or six”, but they’ve got nothing to do with wrestling and he doesn’t need to be nice to them like Sting. I think the tease of Flair hesitating before the Sting beatdown could have really given the storyline an extra twist that it was lacking, with the Andersons turning on him and Flair torn about who to side with. But we all know that Flair the real person is always desperate to be a heel and likely wouldn’t, or couldn’t, go along with that kind of nuance, so instead we got cartoon supervillain Horsemen against the Dudes with Attitudes.
The Rock N Roll Express v. The Mod Squad
For more dated musical references, the RNR are using “Your Mama Don’t Dance” by Poison, which is more about teenagers having sex behind their parents’ backs and not really about “rock and roll” as such. The RNR control the Mods with hiptosses and chase them out of the ring while Michael Hayes bitches about the Express ripping off the Freebirds. You know, with the music and girls shrieking and all. Spike comes back in the ring and works an armbar on Robert, but Ricky slugs him down. Robert misses a charge and the Mod Squad double-teams him in the corner for a bit, but Robert quickly hits a kneelift and brings Ricky back in. Dropkick for Basher, but Spike comes in again and puts Ricky down with a back elbow to set up more beatings from the Mods. Basher chokes him out in the corner and they hit a double gutbuster on him for two. Basher slugs him down for two. More double-teaming in the heel corner as they hang Ricky on the top rope and choke him out behind the ref’s back. Ricky fights back and Basher tosses him, where Spike runs him into the post before Basher goes to a chinlock. Finally he charges and runs into the turnbuckles facefirst, but Spike prevents the tag and then switches out with Basher again for two. Basher goes back to the chinlock while Hayes brags about the all the broads in the hotel room after the Clash, and Spike cuts off another comeback attempt by raking the face. Ricky finally slugs back on Spike with more Memphis-quality punches and desperately crawls for the tag, but Basher cuts him off and drops him on the top rope as Morton is playing this crowd like a FIDDLE. Ricky takes Spike down with an atomic drop and it’s HOT TAG Robert, as he runs wild on this jobber team and people are screaming. Basher backdrops Robert, but it turns out that he’s just taking the bullet for Ricky, and Ricky slips in behind his back and gets a rollup for the pin at 10:40. This was GREAT for a nothing TV match. ***1/4
Meanwhile, Sting points out that he’s a lot different than he was in 1988, and now it’s personal and this time he’s gonna win the World title. Clearly this was taped before the Clash.
I’m relieved that this leaves in the commercial for Roos with Sting and the Road Warriors, shilling for “shoes for your feet, pockets for your stuff.” Yes, shoes with pockets. It was a different time.
Meanwhile, the Skyscrapers (Mark 2) are ready for their street fight against the Road Warriors, because they’re all from the streets. Mean Mark is from the streets? And then Paul Ellering tells a story about a dog barking at a car, but when the car stops the dog doesn’t actually know what to do. I’m assuming that the Skyscrapers are the barking dog in this scenario.
The Road Warriors & Steve Williams v. The Samoan Swat Team & Samoan Savage
We’ve now moved to the period when Oliver Humperdink was managing the Samoans, which is quite the downgrade from Paul Heyman. Samoan Savage is Fatu’s twin brother, formerly known as Islander Tama. Given how much trouble Samu always gave promoters, I’m surprised they didn’t just switch Tama in permanently. Savage beats on Dr. Death to start, but Doc presses him and carries him around the ring in the air. TWICE. Savage puts him down with a superkick and brings in Fatu, who hits Animal with a powerslam, but they criss-cross and Animal gets his own powerslam. Samu comes in for a double-team, but Animal flips over both of them and puts them down with a clothesline. Over to Hawk, but Samu cuts him off with a superkick and Hawk responds with a neckbreaker. Hawk goes to take out the Samoans on the apron, but Samu gets another superkick and the Samoans take over in the corner. SST with a double headbutt and Samu spins into another kick for two. Fatu comes in and beats on Hawk, but Hawk fights back on the Savage. Savage slams him and Fatu comes in with the flying splash for two, but Doc makes the save and it’s BONZO GONZO. The Samoans double-team Animal, but Hawk comes off the top with the flying clothesline on Fatu to finish at 5:00. Short but hard-hitting. **1/2 And the Skyscrapers attack afterwards and beat them down to set up the PPV match.
Finally, Jim Ross has a somber cut-in update where he lets us know that Sting was attacked by the Horsemen after the Clash, and Sting’s knee is WRECKED, so he’s out of the PPV and it’s unknown if he’ll be able to return ever again. And certainly not 32 years later if another wrestling promotion manages to get a deal on Turner’s networks, however unlikely that might be!
Oh man this show does my heart good. Obviously we will continue on with this.