The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 06.29.22
BLOOD AND GUTS!
Live from Detroit, MI
Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Taz & Excalibur
Orange Cassidy v. Ethan Page
Orange, as promised, now has “Jane” by Starship, which apparently he used on the indies. Weird choice after they spent months getting the Pixies over as his music. Page immediately puts Orange down, but he kips up and dropkicks Ethan. Orange puts him on the floor with a hiptoss and follows with a dive, and back in for a crossbody that gets two. Page beats on the shoulder and puts him down with a shoulderblock, then follows with a delayed suplex so delayed they should call it the AEW video game. Ethan tosses him for some orange juice abuse from Dan Lambert and we take a break. Back with Page hitting him with a superkick and a brainbuster for two. Orange counters the Ego’s Edge by putting his hands in his pockets and then sends Page into the corner with a rana. Orange goes up and Page brings him down with a snap powerslam for two. Orange fights back with the stunner but can’t get a slam, so he hits the DDT instead for two. Lambert gets involved again, but Orange steals the orange juice, hits Page with a pair of Orange Punches, and then pins him with a bodyslam at 11:19, brother. I’m guessing that was some kind of WM3 callback? This one never really clicked for me. **1/2
Christian Cage joins Tony for more on his new attitude, and now he’s sorry that Jungle Boy’s entire family isn’t dead. Well, except for his mom. And he’s here to introduce the all-new, all-different…
Luchasaurus v. Serpentico
He’s now the DARK DINOSAUR, having sold out to Christian I guess. Man, I have no respect for sellouts like that. Luchasaurus and puts Serpentico down with a headbutt and wheelbarrow suplex, before submitting him with an STF at 0:58. And then Serpentico gets chokeslammed on the floor and Christian kicks some dirt on him for good measure. Man that winning streak is really looking like a thing of the past now.
Meanwhile, Wardlow threatens to treat all of American Top Team like security guards, so Sky wants a TNT title match next week in a street fight.
Max Caster & The Gunn Clubb v. Danhausen & FTR
So the Ass Boyz challenged Danhausen to find some partners, and he sure did. Anthony Bowens is pretty shook about it. Cash backdrops Austin and follows with an atomic drop and slap on the ass, and Uncle Dax comes in and beatrs on him with chops. This brings in DANHAUSEN, as he drops an elbow for two, but gets caught in the corner and taken out by Colton. We take a break and return with Danhausen hitting Caster with a northern lights suplex for two. Austin comes in with a suplex, but Danhausen escapes and makes the hot tag to Dax. FTR runs wild with stereo german suplexes and Dax keeps going with rolling germans on Austin. Dax injures his shoulder while blocking the Quick Draw, which leaves only Danhausen to tag. So he comes in and calls for a GTS, but Bowens can WALK. Sadly, he also hits Austin with his crutch by mistake, and Danhausen gets the pin at 9:42. And Daddy Ass appears to be siding with the Acclaimed on the matter. This was some wacky fun. ***
Meanwhile, the ROH PPV is apparently still happening, and Jay Lethal wants Samoa Joe there.
TBS title: Jade Cargill v. Leila Grey
Jade hits the fallaway slam and stops to pose, but Grey rolls her up for two and makes a bit of a comeback, but Jade boots her down and finishes with Jaded at 1:54. So Stokely accuses Athena and Statlander of just being lazy, which brings them out to attack. But then Leila Grey decides to join with Jade to save, apparently auditioning to be a Baddie. That was weird. Are we even supposed to know who Leila Grey is?
Meanwhile, the Young Bucks are kind of depressed, despite being 2 time tag team champions, because all their friends are injured and gone. So they need a new challenge, and they’ll face Yoshi-Hashi and Hirooki Goto on Rampage.
BLOOD AND GUTS: Jon Moxley, Eddie Kingston, Claudio Castagnoli, Wheeler Yuta, Santana & Ortiz v. Chris Jericho, Sammy Guevara, Matt Menard, Angelo Parker, Jake Hager & Danny Garcia
Claudio starts with Sammy and quickly beats on him with forearms, but Sammy climbs the cage to escape. So Claudio crotches him, and Sammy bounces on the ropes to escape into the other, trying to run down the clock. Claudio tries the uppercut, but Sammy counters into a cutter, but he goes for a kiss from Tay and gets caught in the Giant Swing as a result. This brings Garcia in as the next man, and we take a break. Back with the JAS double-teaming Claudio, and Wheeler Yuta comes in to even it up. He hits Garcia with rolling germans and the Combat Club go to work on them. Jake Hager is next in and he throws poor Yuta around like a javelin, , which sets up a showdown with Claudio. The heels gain the advantage again and beat them down, but Jon Moxley is the next in for the Club and he makes the save and destroys everyone. Oh yeah and there’s a fork involved, which gives us our first blood from Garcia. Cutter for Sammy and Yuta hits him with a diving headbutt to follow, setting up triple hammer elbows from the Combat Club. Angelo Parker is next in and he quickly runs away, but gets suplexed by Claudio and then triple-teamed, leaving all of the JAS down and out despite having an advantage. Luckily for them, chairs are still a thing, and they use them to take over again. Ortiz comes in to make the save and he lays out Sammy and Garcia with lariats as we take a break. Back with Daddy Magic using another chair to take over again. Apparently during the break, Moxley piledrove Parker on a bag of jagged glass shards. That seems like kind of a major spot to bury in a commercial break. Everyone is bleeding all over, and Santana comes in next to save, bringing a table and barbed wire baseball bat with him. It’s like the world’s most violent pot luck. Moxley pokes some bamboo skewers into Matt’s forehead, because of course he does. This leaves Jericho as the last guy for the heels, but he only lays out a couple of people with the bat before Ortiz DDTs him. Everyone trades big moves, leading up to Jericho putting Claudio down with the codebreaker, but Eddie Kingston is the last one in with a kendo stick. He beats on Jericho and produces a bottle of rubbing alcohol to presumably pour on Jericho’s wounds, but Hager saves and Jericho ends up with the bottle. Kingston & Ortiz put Hager through the table with a double powerbomb. And then Yuta and Moxley find bags of thumbtacks, while Claudio tears up the canvas in the other ring. We take another break and return with Jericho putting Moxley in the Walls in the tacks, but Eddie throws a fistful of tacks into Jericho’s face to save. Jericho finds a fire extinguisher to fight back, while Conti beats up a ref and steals the key, triggering a brawl with Ruby Soho (or Ruby Riott as Taz calls her before correcting himself). So once again Jericho escapes the cage and gets to the top, but Eddie follows him and puts him down with the backfist. And Sammy also joins them up there to save, but then everyone is out and it completely halts the match for some reason. I’m assuming they had to set up some kind of gimmick on the floor, because Eddie throws Sammy off the top of the cage and through the timekeeper table as we take another break. Back with Jericho putting Eddie in the Walls on top of the cage, but Claudio saves this time and gives us the insane visual of the Giant Swing on top of the cage. Menard makes the save, but Claudio puts him in the Sharpshooter and Menard taps at 48:00 to give the Blackpool Combat Club the win. This is another one where I’m not even sure how to rate it, as there was a LOT going on all the time and it was pretty tough to follow as a result. Six on six is a lot of people and I found myself losing track of who was doing what to whom. It was fun and I certainly enjoyed it, so I’d say **** sounds fair, but I think the Anarchy match was a lot better as far as chaotic violence goes. This format just doesn’t work for TV, it needs to be on PPV.
Overall, this was a one match show, and the match delivered, so it’s a thumbs up from me.