The SmarK Rant for WWF Monday Night RAW – 06.13.94
“Countdown to the Crowning”
This is a “missing” episode of RAW that aired in the regular timeslot in place of the June 13 94 show to build up King of the Ring 94, but was never uploaded to the Network. Normally I don’t like to use YouTube for this stuff but chances of it ever appearing in an official form on the WWE Network are near enough to zero at this point as to be not worth counting.
Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Randy Savage, who promise to talk about the tournament EXTENSIVELY! Who are they, Tony Khan? See, that’s how you know this is new content, I’m making jokes about Tony Khan doing too many tournaments.
WWF tag team title: The Headshrinkers v. The Quebecers
Really this would have been better served on the PPV. Oddly, the commentary team here is Stan Lane and Ted Dibiase, with Dibiase playing it completely straight despite being embroiled in a bizarre storyline where he’s trying to convince the world that his fake Undertaker is the real one returned from the dead thanks to the power of money. Samu slugs it out with Jacques to start and headbutts him to send the Quebecers out to regroup. Pierre comes in and Fatu beats on him, but Pierre rolls him up for two and then puts him down with a clothesline, complete with patented 360 sell from Fatu. Jacques comes in and tries a faceplant on Fatu, but the head is too hard and he pops up with a superkick as we take a break. Back with Polo tripping up Samu for the heat, as Jacques goes to a chinlock. Stan Lane is HORRIFIED by the cheating on display, which is rich coming from a guy who used to win matches thanks to a loaded tennis racket. RULES FOR THEE BUT NOT FOR ME. Pierre whips Samu into the corner for two, and Jacques slams Pierre onto Samu for two. The Quebecer Cannonball misses and Samu comes back with a double dropkick and the Headshrinkers double-team Pierre in their corner. That sets up the flying Fatu splash to finish at 8:25. This was a fairly enjoyable tag match but the finish kind of came out of nowhere and the match seemed really rushed. **1/2
Back at the studio, Randy Savage is in a STATE OF SHOCK and thinks that the Headshrinkers are the best tag team of all time. Hot take.
Crush and Yokozuna join us for a promo, accusing the Headshrinkers of violating the will of the Tribal Chief. Look, he was barely even in high school at that point.
The New WWF Generation: Better than random public domain clips of black and white shows! They don’t live in the past! Oh and here’s highlights from the Hall of Fame ceremony where they honor a bunch of really old people from the past. Can’t make this stuff up.
Back at the studio, Randy Savage thinks that it was the greatest thing he’s ever been a part of and they should do it more often. Well sure, as long as he doesn’t leave the promotion and go to WCW later in the year BUT HOW LIKELY IS THAT LOL?
Meanwhile, on the King’s Court, Bret Hart has words with Jerry Lawler, but Shawn & Diesel come out and sucker punch him, leading to Diesel powerbombing Bret and Lawler volunteering to put the boots to Bret as well. And then Bret does a promo calling them a PACK OF WILD JACKALS so you know he means business. And he’s got a family member backing him up.
King of the Ring qualifier recaps! IRS chases Scott Steiner out of the promotion by pinning him with his feet on the ropes! Mabel beats Pierre with a sideslam! Razor Ramon beats Kwang with the Razor’s Edge! Bam Bam Bigelow splashes Sparky Plugg with help from Luna!
King of the ring qualifier recaps part 2! Lex Luger stupidly gets counted out against Jeff Jarrett! 1-2-3 Kid gets a banana peel fluke rollup to beat Adam Bomb! Owen Hart beats Doink due to Jeff Jarrett grabbing his Dink! And Lex Luger cheats to help Tatanka beat Crush in a lumberjack match!
Back at the studio, Vince puts Randy on the spot and asks him to predict the winner of every match. Bam Bam apparently uses osmosis to advance over Razor Ramon. Huge if true. So Randy predicts a finals of Jarrett v. Bigelow, with JJ getting distracted by a talent scout for Nashville in the crowd and then losing as a result. I’m still wondering how one wins by osmosis.
Meanwhile, on the King’s Court last week, Jerry Lawler brings out “Roddy Piper” and humiliates him.
Meanwhile, corrupt old Jack Tunney brings out all 8 participants in the King of the Ring tournament while Vince makes snarky remarks about Tunney on commentary. Macho: “Can you imagine King Mabel?” Vince: “Sounds good to me!” We should have known right then, people. Also Vince thinks the King of the Ring tournament will be bigger than the Stanley Cup Finals, which start the night after. That’s still a sore spot with me. Vince declares that Owen Hart is “the WWF’s answer to Tabasco Cat”. I have no idea what he’s referencing there. Was that like the 1994 version of a meme? And then everyone stands around pointing at each other and that’s the show.
Well that was certainly a show that happened