The SmarK Rant for World Championship Wrestling – 06.17.89
By Scott Keith on 22nd May 2022
The SmarK Rant for World Championship Wrestling – 06.17.89
Taped from Augusta, GA. It’s a real arena and not Center Stage this week!
Brought to you by delicious A&W Root Beer! And to a lesser extent, but still very importantly, A&W Cream Soda.
Your host is Jim Ross
The Dynamic Dudes v. Snake Brown (From Outta Town) & The Raider
Jim announces that he’ll debut the NWA Power Hour this week on TBS, which is a show that stuck around for a while. The Dudes clear the ring to start and Snake sends Raider back in to take care of business while Jim sadly announces the death of Nikita Koloff’s wife Mandy, which unfortunately was the point when Koloff basically lost all his passion for the business. Meanwhile the New Zealand Militia join us at ringside waving their boomerangs around, while the Dudes hit a double dropkick on Snake and finish with the Wipeout at 2:45. Were they trying to get a piece of that sweet Bushwhacker merch money, I wonder? Because the irony is that of course they HAD the Bushwhackers and let them go. 0 for 1.
Ric Flair sits down with Jim Ross discussing all the extensions on his title defense deadline, but he promises that he’ll make the announcement on July 1 as to whether he’ll come back from the neck injury or not.
Terry Funk v. Cougar Jay
Capetta announces that Funk is from “Pecos, TX” and even JR is scoring off him, noting that Terry is actually from Canyon, TX, but Gary wouldn’t know that because he’s from Jersey. Funk just HURLS Jay out of the ring off the lockup, and then hauls him back in, and he’s SO HAPPY about that bump that he throws Jay to the other side for another horrifying bump. He even goes out and throws a dropkick on the floor while Cougar Jay does this awesome sell out of the beating out there. Back in, Funk with a neckbreaker while JR puts over promoter Joel Goodhart in Philly, where they’re visiting next week. That was actually the promotion that gave birth to ECW. Cougar Jay makes a comeback and Funk just drops him with a headbutt and follows with the piledriver to finish at 3:24. This was an AMAZING squash. 1 for 2. And then Funk has words with fans at ringside, who are drunk and ready to fight him, and Terry just stands there and dares them to do something. And they don’t. This man is a god.
Terry Funk joins us JR, sharing with us a dream he had last night, where he was driving in a limo with his father and they accidentally hit a horrible looking animal with big ears and horse teeth. But then they discovered that it smelled like cheap cologne and hair spray, so it must have been Ric Flair! Oh man. This gets a rare BONUS POINT. 2 for 2.
The Steiner Brothers v. Fred Avery & Keith Steinborn
Capetta introduces this as an “Australian style tag team match” for some reason. Is it 1955 again and I missed the memo? Rick gives his jacket to Robin Green at ringside, and she’s slowly looking more normal as the storyline progresses. Scott takes Avery down with a single leg as JR notes Avery is a “dropout of Nutrisystem”. The show is literally sponsored by ROOT BEER. Let’s not do any fat-shaming, Jim. Over to Steinborn, as Rick pulls him by the ponytail and gives him the powerslam into the turnbuckles, then puts him down with a Steinerline while encouraging Missy Hyatt to flash the crowd. Rick with the overhead suplex and it’s over to Scott, who adds his own suplex and pins Steinborn at 4:20. 3 for 3.
The Samoan Swat Team v. Rock Hard Rick & Mike Awesome
YUP. Another crazy early appearance this week, with a very young Mike Awesome doing a job. The SST drops Rock Hard Rick on his head with a flapjack, although Rick takes the bump straight down and that looked bad. Meanwhile Paul E is busy screaming at the camera after his team got screwed by the Road Warriors at Clash VII. Well they’d get revenge shortly. Awesome comes in, wearing Hulk Hogan colors no less, and Samu takes him to the top for a backdrop suplex and follows with a diving headbutt for two. And Fatu finishes him off with the flying splash at 2:30. Also the “replaced” version of Tubular Bells that the Network inserts is pretty much exactly the same as the original and I don’t know why they even bothered. Good squash here. 4 for 4.
The Freebirds v. Randy Rose & Mark Smith
So this is the World Championship Wrestling debut of the Hayes & Garvin team after winning the tag team titles at Clash VII. Garvin beats on Rose in the corner to start and then brings Smith to the Freebird corner to beat on him there. Hayes comes in while Gordy beats on Rose outside, and then Hayes teases a DDT on Smith before letting Garvin come in and debut his own version of the move instead to finish at 2:18. “I knew I could do it!” Garvin quips while making the pin. And so our national nightmare begins. 4 for 5.
Meanwhile at Clash VII, Eddie Gilbert is A WIZARD and throws fire at Great Muta, but misses and burns Trent Knight instead. And then Gary Hart does a promo with Muta, noting that Muta hates fireballs in the face because his father, The Great Kabuki, was scarred for life by a fireball. Sounds like a totally rational fear to me.
The Midnight Express v. Jeff James & Jim Bryant
Bryant gets all froggy with Lane, so Stan slugs him down and works him over in the corner. Over to Jeff James and he won’t do whatever Eaton had in mind and it’s pretty ugly. So Lane beats on him while we go to STATION IDENTIFICATION and return with Lane hitting a legsweep before they finish with the Veg-O-Matic at 2:20. I don’t know what the jobber’s issue was there but if Bobby Eaton wants to do something, LISTEN TO HIM. 4 for 6.
Norman The Lunatic v. Bob Emory
Teddy Long has a set of keys that apparently symbolizes the locks at the asylum, although that quickly turned into a cartoonishly huge “key to the city” type of prop instead. Also next week Teddy will announce his new tag team. Norman quickly puts the guy down and hits a flying splash, although he leaves to yell at the fans a bit. Back in, Norman with the Karachi Krunch to finish at 1:25. Norman continues mauling the jobber afterwards and Teddy has trouble finding the keys to calm him down again before finally figuring it out. 4 for 7.
Meanwhile, the Road Warriors are still coming after the SST at a Bash show near you! Animal has a Batman symbol painted on his face like he’s in the Dark Knight Returns or something.
Meanwhile, at Clash VII, Lex Luger saves Ricky Steamboat from a Terry Funk attack and then airs his grievances to the crowd before turning on Steamboat and somehow getting even more over as a babyface as a result.
Lex Luger joins JR at the arena and he notes that Ricky was just a victim of circumstances because he’s sick of trying to please the idiot fans and he’s only out for himself from now on. And now he’s a SHARK and he’s going into a feeding frenzy.
Ranger Ross v. Lee Scott
Jim Ross is disgusted that Luger would come out of a team sport environment and yet be so selfish and individualistic. Yeah, that’s totally off-brand for pro athletes. Ross gets a press slam for two, but Scott gets a sunset flip for two. Ross with a backslide for two, but Scott beats on him with forearms and then charges and lands on the floor as a result. Ross follows him out and boots him into the railing, and back in for a suplex that gets two. Dropkick gets two. Apparently they’re going to Texas for a show soon at the “Cowtown Coliseum”. You know, that’s what we call Calgary up here, but it’s not particularly complimentary. Ross finishes with the Combat Kick at 3:00. Ross remains pretty dull. 4 for 8.
The Steiner Brothers join Jim for an interview and Scott needles Rick about having a date on Sunday night and Rick is all embarrassed. And then they discuss the Boston Street Fight with Kevin Sullivan, as Rick is pretty sure that Kevin isn’t even from Boston. Jim: “Good luck with your girlfriend.” Rick: “SHUT UP!” This was pretty wacky.
Kevin Sullivan & Mike Rotunda v. Ray Lloyd & Bucky Seigler
Hey, another appearance from young Glacier! This show just keeps giving. Seigler gets walloped by Rotundo and it’s over to Lloyd, who gets dropped with a Saito suplex, and Sullivan comes in with a double clothesline and then just brutalizes him with chops on the mat. Rotundo with a legdrop for two. Double arm suplex finishes at 2:24. 4 for 9.
The Midnight Express joins Jim Ross, and Cornette was happy with the effort put forth by his team, and blames himself for letting Paul E. continue to exist. So now he wants a singles match with Dangerously to settle things by himself. Also Steve Williams is their new friend after getting dumped by the Varsity Club and they’re gonna be doing six-man matches with the Freebirds.
Sting v. Big Al Greene
Greene was the guy who introduced the world to Kevin Nash as the Master Blasters for those keeping track. Greene gets a suplex and celebrates too much, as Sting no-sells it and then clotheslines him to the floor. Sting follows with a dive and back in for the Stinger Splash and Scorpion Deathlock to finish at 1:45. This brings Terry Funk out for a sneak attack, but Sting tells him to bring it on and Funk of course backs down and walks away. 5 for 10.
Terry Gordy v. Steve Williams
Doc storms the ring and scares off Capetta during the ring intro in a funny bit, and they brawl on the floor right away. Back in, Doc comes in with a double axehandle, but Gordy throws him out again and they continue the fight out there. Back in, Williams with a suplex for two, but Gordy slugs him down and follows with a Saito suplex for two. Doc beats on him in the corner and follows with a hiptoss, but he misses an elbow and Gordy takes over with a corner clothesline. He tries the powerbomb but Doc backdrops out of it, so Gordy counters a blind charge with a lariat for two. Gordy beats him down with a headbutt and big boot for two as the crowd is pretty dead. Their loss. Gordy with a clothesline for two. Gordy slugs him down, but Doc makes the comeback with his own clothesline and some chop blocks. This sets up the Stampede, but the Freebirds take the ref and Garvin trips Doc up and puts Gordy on top for the pin at 7:00. So Jim Cornette comes down to protest, but the Freebirds go to attack him, and it turns into a giant dressing room clearing brawl to preview the two-ring battle royales on the Bash tour. A really good hoss fight to end the show. 6 for 11.
BUY SOME A&W CREAM SODA! REGULAR OR DIET!