The SmarK Rant for AEW Dark Elevation – 04.11.22
I took the kid to Sonic The Hedgehog 2 yesterday. It was really good, again! I can’t believe this nutso franchise is actually 2 for 2 so far and I enjoyed them both as much as I did.
Taped from Boston, MA
Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Paul Wight & Mark Henry
Frankie Kazarian v. Teddy Goodz
Frankie has somehow climbed to the #4 contender position despite only appearing on this show for the past three months. Goodz gets a big reaction so I’m assuming he’s a local guy. Frankie takes him down with a headlock and controls the arm on the mat, but Teddy reverses out and Frankie hits him with a lariat. Frankie tosses him and Goodz comes back with a necksnap and fights his way back into the ring, but Frankie puts him down with a leg lariat to set up the springboard legdrop. Frankie goes up, but Goodz tries to wrap him up in a package stunner, and Frankie just slips out and finishes with the chicken wing at 3:25. He gave Goodz the goods, you could say. But he did let him have some shine for the hometown crowd first. 1 for 1.
Diamante v. Ashley D’Ambroise
Holy cow, this is actually following up on last week’s show when they broke up. Ashley actually attacks to start and hits a pair of clotheslines and a dropkick, and a rolling neckbreaker gets two. BREAKING NEWS: Mark Henry spoke to Ashley earlier and she really wants to hear the seal impression, so Mark might do it later. Tony and Paul immediately no-sell him and pretend not to hear him. Now, to be fair, maybe Mark is referring to his impression of Seal and he’ll be singing Kiss From a Rose. Diamante tosses her and runs her into the railing to take over, and then beats on her with crossfaces in the ring, but Ashley reverses to a rollup for two. Henry goes on a bit about not using move names if you can’t spell them, and Tony quips “OK, spell Diamante then.” And Mark’s got no answer for that one. Diamante beats Ashley down and taps her out with an armbar and bodyscissors at 3:00. Hopefully they heat up Diamante and give her a bit of a push again. 2 for 2.
The Dark Order (Stu Grayson, Alex Reynolds, John Silver, Alan Angels & 10) v. The Chaos Project & Gunn Club
Wight’s Luther Fact of the week: He’s the direct descendent of Danish Kings, on his mother’s side. Huge if true. With all the handsigns in the ring, Mark gets all confused and “wants to throw up the Wu-Tang sign” in response. The Gunns try to double-team Angels and he fights them off, and that brings Reynolds in to spank them. Billy takes out Reynolds from behind, as he is wont to do, and beats him down in the corner to take over. The Danish ruler, Luther, comes in with a belly to belly and backdrops Serpentico onto Reynolds, but poor Serpentico hurts his back in the process. He tries his own version of the Fameasser, but that fails spectacularly, so Billy throws Serpentico out so he can take care of it himself. He needs to learn delegation skills to build trust. Reynolds dumps Billy to the floor and makes the hot tag to Silver, who cleans house and hits everyone outside the ring in a big video game combo. Back in the ring, everyone exchanges their big wacky moves while Henry works in his owl impression, since no one wanted to hear his seal. I mean, he went “Hoo, Hoo” so it was mostly fine, I guess. Dark Order hits a wacky triple team on Serpentico and pins him at 5:22. Really, this one was riding on the success of Mark Henry’s owl impression and it mostly delivered. 3 for 3. Still a bit disappointed we didn’t get the seal.
Emi Sakura, The Bunny & LuFisto v. Ruby Soho, Skye Blue & Anna Jay
Nice to see Sakura back in her natural habitat of Elevation six-man tags again. I’m not familiar with LuFisto but Sakura seems distrustful of her. She lures Ruby into the corner for a cheapshot from Bunny and Emi comes in with the crossbody in the corner for two. Bunny comes in and beats Ruby down, but Ruby chokes her out in the corner and the others kind of fight on the floor. Bunny comes back with a superkick on Ruby for two, but LuFisto comes in and walks into a flatliner for the pin at 3:30. Anna didn’t even tag into the match, but it’s good to see Skye getting a WIN! Match wasn’t particularly good, though. 3 for 4.
Jora Johl v. Penta Oscuro
I may have mentioned this before so stop me if I’m repeating myself, but I really hate this fucking gimmick for Penta. Just go back to being the wacky arm-breaking luchador already. Jora prevents the zero miedo pose, and grabs a headlock, so Penta superkicks him. And Johl returns fire with his own superkick, but Penta cuts him off and finally gets to finish his declaration. Johl hits him with chops in the corner while Penta takes it in stride and then responds with much harder chops of his own. Johl goes up an lands in a superkick, but he keeps coming with a press slam for two. Penta with the sling blade and a backstabber out of the corner, which sets up the arm snap for the pin at 3:48. Meh. 3 for 5.
Top Flight v. Aaron Solo & Nick Comoroto
QT pitches half-price training at the Factor for Top Flight and gets his team to literally give them the shirts off their back, which gives us some funny visuals when Dante smells them. So Top Flight attacks, but Comoroto clotheslines them both and dumps Darius. The Factory double-teams Dante and Nick beats on him in the corner, and Solo chokes him out so QT can hit a cheapshot from the floor. The Factory double-teams Dante in the corner and Comoroto gets a sideslam for two and goes to the surfboard. Blind charge misses and Dante rolls into the hot tag to Darius, who hits Solo with a flying bodypress for two. Solo rolls him up for two, however, but then gets caught into the Top Flight corner and they hit a flatliner into a big splash from Dante for two. Comoroto comes in with an amazing one-handed press slam on Dante before hitting a neckbreaker on Darius, and they hit Darius with a double-team double stomp for two. Comoroto charges and hits the post, leaving Solo to fight them off by himself. And Dante tucks Solo’s head into the turnbuckle in the corner and dropkicks him in the back to knock him out for the pin at 6:00. A nice little tag match to close the show. 4 for 6.
And hey, this was short and I’m waiting for my laundry to finish tonight, so here’s last week’s Dark as a bonus rant!
The SmarK Rant for AEW Dark – 04.05.22
Taped from Orlando, FL
Your hosts are Excalibur & Taz
Ryan Nemeth v. Chandler Hopkins
Hopkins tries for the single leg and Nemeth stuffs it and takes him down before dropping a fist on him. Hopkins puts him on the floor and tries a dive, but Nemeth traps him in the apron and that gets two. Taz clarifies that he’s a little hopped up on caffeine after 67 cups of coffee tonight. Nemeth works a hammerlock and tries a suplex, but Hopkins cradles for two. Nemeth puts him down with a clothesline and beats on him with knees, but does his brother’s hip swivels and Hopkins escapes and comes back with a falcon arrow for two. To the top, but the shooting star misses and Nemeth gets his hip swivels and neckbreaker this time for the pin at 3:55. Wish Ziggler remains a pale imitation of his brother. 0 for 1.
JP Harlow v. Sonny Kiss
Harlow has an excellent moustache and he’s rightly proud of it. He slugs away on Sonny and beats on him with shoulders in the corner, then offers his own twerking and this upsets Sonny enough to comes back with an elbow and overhead suplex. Sonny hangs him in the corner for an axe kick, and that gets the surprise pin at 2:00. Well that was right to the point. 0 for 2.
Abadon v. Hyena Hera
Excalibur relates how Abadon likes to sit in the corners of the dressing room and then pop out and scream at people. “It’s terrifying!” notes Taz. “I was in catering and nearly got my shit bit off getting a cup of coffee.” Sounds like an HR situation to me. Abadon takes Hyena down with a heel trip and they scream at each other, until Abadon puts her down with a back elbow and senton. The Black Dahlia facebuster finishes at 1:45. Another one that was right to the point but nothing to recommend here. 0 for 3.
Luke Sampson & Guillermo Rosas v. Tiger Ruas & Cezar Bononi
Ruas takes Rosas down while Taz relates the perils of wrestling barefoot, and Bononi comes back with a backbreaker while Ruas adds a running knee strike. Sampson comes in and he quickly gets double-teamed with kicks in the corner, but Sampson fights back with elbows and Rosas comes in to help. So the Brazilians hit stereo suplexes and dump Sampson, leaving Rosas alone to take a suplex from Bononi into the pin from Ruas at 2:30. Ruas has potential but this team isn’t it. 0 for 4.
Lance Archer v. Dean Alexander
Dean shows some attitude with Archer and tries attacking at the bell, so Lance hits a crossbody and then levels him with a short clothesline. Alexander fights back and gets nowhere with it, as Lance takes him to the corner and hits him with running elbows. This sets up the chokeslam, but Alexander escapes that, so Archer hits him with the sideslam. Alexander fights back again and goes up, but Lance brings him down with the Blackout and pins him with the CLAW at 2:40. Archer murdering a jobber is pretty much an automatic point. 1 for 5. Even so the crowd in Orlando is so subdued that it’s not as fun as the Elevation version of his squashes are.
Aaron Solo & Nick Comoroto v. Alan Angels & 10
They fight on the floor right away and the Dark Order runs Comoroto into the stairs on the orders of Negative 1, and into the ring for a suplex from Angels on Solo that gets two. Solo gets a jawbreaker on 10, but 10 hits him with a german suplex and he wants Comoroto for some Meaty Men Slapping Meat action. Comoroto beats him down in the corner, but 10 fights back with chops and Angels comes in with a bodypress that can’t get Comoroto down. So 10 kicks them over, but QT interferes and takes out 10 on the floor. This leaves 5 alone in the heel corner and he gets worked over, as Solo gets a suplex for two. Comoroto with an ushigoroshi and he chokes Angels on the ropes before QT adds a cheapshot behind the ref’s back. Comoroto misses an elbow and it’s hot tag 10, as he hits them both with pump kicks and the spinebuster. Full nelson on Solo, but Comoroto breaks it up and it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA. Angels gets tossed out, but 10 hits Solo with a slam while Angels goes to the top. Comoroto breaks that up and slams Angels with one arm, but Angels escapes and rolls up Solo for two. QT gets another cheapshot from the floor and Comoroto spears Angels, but that only gets two. QT takes the ref again, so this time Negative 1 yanks QT’s pants down. Is…is that the grooming stuff that DeSantis is all worried about down there in Florida? Anyway, before we can ponder that important question any further, Dark Order double-teams Solo to set up the full nelson to finish at 8:10. This was fine. 2 for 6.
I like Elevation’s crowd atmosphere and commentary team a lot better, but this was a breezy 35 minute show that was also very watchable.