The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 04.01.22
Might as well catch up on this while waiting for Wrestlemania.
Taped from Columbia, SC
Your hosts are Excalibur, Taz, Ricky Starks & Chris Jericho
The Young Bucks v. Top Flight
WAIT A SEC. How can the Bucks be doing this show if they were appearing on the ROH PPV at the same time? Probably wizards. Nick and Dante trade handsprings and end up on the floor right away, but Matt hits Dante with a clothesline from the apron and the Bucks take over. They get Matt into the babyface corner and Darius gets a slingshot senton and Dante superkicks Matt. Darius works on the arm and uses some SMALL JOINT MANIPULATION to control on the mat, and Dante gets two. The Bucks hit Darius with a cheapshot, but he manages to clothesline Nick to the apron and dropkicks him onto Cutler. Matt goes out to help, but the Martins hit the Bucks with a dive while my emergency backup dog messes with my stopwatch app. So if the time is a little bit off, blame her. Finally the Bucks sucker Top Flight to the floor for some superkicks. Matt with the buckle bomb on Darius in the corner and he takes out Dante on the rebound, and that gets two. Matt works on Darius with a chinlock, but Dante gets a hot tag and comes in on his brother’s back with a kick on Matt, and a missile dropkick after getting rid of Nick. And then Matt uses the ol’ thumb to the eye and it’s back to Nick, but Top Flight double-teams him with a flatliner into a senton from Dante for two. Then we get a crazy german suplex reversal, leading to Top Flight getting Nick in a suplex for two. Dante goes up and Matt shoves him off and into the railing, but Matt charges Darius and walks into a Spanish Fly. Nick and Darius slug it out and Nick wins that, but Darius superkicks him and gets a backslide. Nick rolls out of that and into the BTE Trigger to finish at 10:00. Some crazy stuff but the finish was pretty anticlimactic. ***
Meanwhile, Kris Statlander has the hair dye on the other side now. SCARY.
Dan Lambert and American Top Team join us and they want to know the same thing we all do: Who was behind the camera for the naked Sammy and Tay shot? Regardless they will not agree to the match with the belt fuckers, so Sammy and Tay join us from the parking lot and smash up Dan’s car with sledgehammers and spraypaint it. These are the babyfaces?
Meanwhile, Tony talks with HOOK. But Danhausen interrupts, finally getting promo time to make some human moneys, but he tries to curse Hook again and it has no effect. I feel like this is going to end very painfully for poor Danhausen.
The House of Black v. Fuego del Sol & The Dark Order
Matthews slugs it out with Stu to start on the apron, and Stu knocks him off and follows with a dive. Back in, that gets two for Grayson. Fuego goes up but gets left alone, and the Blacks destroy him in the corner. And Brody tosses him onto Uno and Grayson. They all brawl on the floor and the heels have that situation under control. Back in the ring as the announcers point out how stupid Fuego was for tagging himself in. Back with a knee to the gut for two while the crowd chants “We love Fuego / No we don’t”. Uno gets the hot tag and Dark Order double-teams Black with a powerbomb for two, but Brody breaks that up and throws Uno and Grayson out for a cannonball off the apron. Back in the ring, Fuego is left with the House of Black again, but he manages a distraction rollup on Black for two. Reverse rana sets up a springboard something, but it doesn’t matter because Black kicks him out of the air and pins him at 8:00. And congratulations to House of Black for also winning Chris Jericho’s Sports Entertainers of the Week! **1/2
Meanwhile, the Bucks put themselves over and point out that everyone knows by now that they accept the FTR challenge for Dynamite.
Owen Hart tournament qualifier: Skye Blue v. Jamie Hayter
Jamie takes Skye into the corner off the lockup, but Skye blocks a rollup and gets two before going to an armbar. Skye with a rana, but she walks into a suplex into the buckles as Jamie chokes her out in the corner to take over. She tries a suplex and Skye reverses for two and gets the crucifix bomb for two. Hayter cuts her off with a backbreaker, but Skye comes back with a running knee off a headscissors, and an enzuigiri gets two. Hayter drops her with a backdrop suplex, however. Skye fights back and goes up, but Hayter brings her down with a superplex that rolls into a brainbuster. And the lariat finishes at 5:27. A very entertaining match and god bless the cameramen shooting them from behind. ***
Meanwhile, Penta still has zero fear.
Powerhouse Hobbs v. Keith Lee
We get the big verbal smackdown to start, although Keith Lee looks the kind of person who…you know what, never mind, we’re not doing the Keith Lee meme thing here. They run into each other for the BIG MEATY MEN SLAPPING MEAT to start, and that puts Hobbs on the floor. Starks points out that Hobbs slipped on all the sweat that Lee generated from walking into the ring. They fight on the floor, but Hobbs introduces him to the post and then clotheslines him into the railing while Starks does his impression of Keith Lee singing the Keith Lee song. See, Keith Lee has a very deep voice. Hobbs runs him into the railing and then drops knees on him back in the ring before putting him down with a clothesline for two. Hobbs decides that now is the time to fight back and he tries the powerbomb, but Hobbs powers out of that. So Keith just throws him across the ring and then smashes him with a headbutt. That brings Starks and Taz away from the desk with chairs, but Lee swats the chair out of Ricky’s hand and Swerve helps get rid of him. Hobbs with the spinebuster, but the ref is distracted by all this and we get the visual pinfall behind his back. And Keith finishes with the Ground Zero at 10:57 while Starks continues to brawl with Swerve and puts him through the table. A tremendous hoss fight that Mark Henry would no doubt be proud of. ***1/2 But with Swerve taken out, Team Taz proceeds with the beatdown on Lee, heading to Hobbs spearing him through another table to end the show.
Hot damn, this was a really good show top to bottom.