The SmarK Rant for AEW Dark Elevation – 03.21.22
Taped from San Antonio, TX
Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Excalibur. Aw man, I’m gonna miss Wight & Henry’s comedy act.
Nyla Rose v. Charlotte Renegade
Nyla attacks and lays out Charlotte in the corner to start, but twin sister Robin switches in and gets a small package for two. But then Nyla beats her down and powerbombs her at 1:20. 0 for 1.
Julia Hart v. Skye Blue
Julia is still wearing the eyepatch as they apparently might meander back to a payoff for that someday. Maybe this is the payoff? Her new character is just that she’s a cheerleader who is kind of a bitch and wears an eyepatch all the time? Skye takes her down with a crucifix for two and they trade superkick attempts but they both miss. So they get into a minor catfight and Julia bails to the floor and suckers Skye in for a legsweep on the apron. Julia sends her into the stairs and back in for a beatdown in the corner and a moonsault press while Excalibur speculates that the eyepatch on Julia’s graphic MAY have been photoshopped. Not sure what his first clue was. Skye comes back and tries a rollup, but Julia blocks that and then dodges a blind charge before getting the pin at 4:00 with feet on the ropes. This was awkward AF and they both looked greener than Julia’s gear. 0 for 2.
The Gunn Club v. Aaron Mercer & Masada
Excalibur notes that the Gunns are plugging their ears to avoid hearing their own “vaporwave MIDI cover of Georgio Moroder”. That’s pretty harsh. I actually don’t mind their theme music. Austin tries a headlock on Mercer and gets taken down, so Colton comes in and slugs Mercer down. Austin slugs away in the corner while Tony and Excalibur discuss restaurants in Philly that mean absolutely nothing to me. WTF is a Wawa? Mercer dodges both charging Gunns and Masada comes in and cleans house a bit, but Colton finishes him with the Colt 45 at 3:40. Man the crowd was super dead for this one. Can’t blame them. 0 for 3.
Top Flight v. Chaos Project
Your Luther fact of the week from Excalibur: He found a discarded sewing machine on the side of the road and has been making their gear ever since. Serpentico allows Luther to start the match this time, so Luther beats on Darius in the corner for a bit. Serpentico comes in and he promptly gets double-teamed by the Martins, as Dante comes in with a flying stomp on the arm and they toss Serpentico out. So Luther gives him a peptalk and sends him back in, then puts him on the top rope and helps push him off into a bodypress on Darius. “Nothing like a thumb to the rear end to mess up your timing” notes Tony. That gets two. Luther and Serpentico collide in the corner despite their well-oiled machine-like teamwork, but Luther gets a butterfly suplex on Darius for two. Darius fights them off and makes the hot tag to Dante, who flips over Serpentico and clotheslines him into a flipping slam for two. Back to Darius , but Serpentico manages to fight them both off with superkicks in the corner. And then Luther sends him to the top again and shoves him off, which doesn’t work this time, and Dante hits him with a stunner and Darius pins him at 5:00. Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…we’ll go with a point for this one, but barely. 1 for 4.
Emi Sakura & The Bunny v. Ruby Soho & Anna Jay
Anna Jay fights off both heels and suplexes Emi for two, but Emi gets a double arm backbreaker to take over. Bunny beats on Anna with elbows and puts the boots to her in the corner, and Sakura gets the corner splash while Tony writes the script for his horror movie on commentary. Apparently the Bunny will be starring. Ruby gets a hot tag and slugs away on Bunny before sending her into the turnbuckles for two. The heels try the double Rabbit Hole, but the babyfaces reverse out and hit their own finishes at 4:00. Well this was a match. 1 for 5.
Lance Archer joins us for a rare Dark promo segment, as he loves Texas but hates San Antonio. And everybody dies, which we will soon discover. And then he grabs a “fan” out of the front row and sends him into the ring for a beating and delivers a Blackout. But then it turns out that the guy brought a “Lance Archer Sucks” sign with him. So really he kind of had it coming. I mean, that’s just hurtful.
The Factory (QT Marshall, Nick Comoroto & Aaron Solo) v. Evil Uno, Stu Grayson & John Silver
Silver dropkicks Comoroto’s knee to take him down and goes up with a missile dropkick, but Grayson comes in and Comoroto mows them both down with a clothesline. The heels work Grayson over in the corner and QT trips him up to take over. QT tries a suplex and Stu escapes with a knee to the head and then hits an enzuigiri, but Solo takes out Silver to prevent a tag. QT with a lariat on Stu for two. So Stu fights back with a backflip kick on QT and Comoroto, which allows the hot tag to Uno. Neckbreaker on Solo and Flatliner gets two. They set up the finish, but QT breaks it up. So they double-team him and suplex Solo into QT in the corner, and the senton-450 combo gets two on Solo. Comoroto makes the save and tosses Uno, allowing QT to hit the Diamond Cutter into a spear for two. Silver makes the save there and gets the hot tag, and everyone does the hot moves on each other until Solo takes Stu down with a forearm. But Grayson fights him off and dives onto QT and Comoroto outside to take them out, leaving Silver to finish Solo with the Spin Doctor at 7;25. Now this was a fun main event for a pretty blah show. 2 for 6.
Kinda wish I had watched the 85 MSG show like I promised, but I’m old and this was quicker on a Monday night. Six man main event was really good, but the rest was a complete miss.