The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 02.25.22
Tonight my VPN is set to the Ukraine.
Taped from Bridgeport, CT
Your hosts are Excalibur, Taz and Chris Jericho
TNT title: Sammy Guevara v. Andrade
They jump right into this one without entrances or ring introductions. They slug it out to start and tease finishers, but Andrade backs off and offers a handshake. Sammy is apparently not into sportsmanship and flips him off. Sammy clotheslines him to the floor, and back in for a Spanish Fly that gets two. They fight to the top and Sammy knocks him down with a kick from the apron, but Sammy goes for a springboard and Andrade shoves him into the railing and then suplexes him onto the ramp. Back in, that gets two. Andrade with a snap suplex, but Sammy counters with a small package for two and makes the comeback with clotheslines and a high knee. Andrade escapes the GTH and misses a blind charge, hitting the floor. Sammy follows with a dive that nearly overshoots as per usual, and back in for a 450 that misses. Andrade boots him into the ropes and follows with a slingshot DDT onto the apron, the HARDEST PART OF THE RING. Andrade goes up and Sammy follows him up, bringing him down with a Spanish Fly off the top for two. They slug it out and they’re both down for the count, but Andrade pretends to undo a turnbuckle, which proves to be a decoy for Matt Hardy to do it for real on the other side of the ring. Andrade misses a charge and Sammy tries the GTH, but Andrade reverses to a rollup with the feet on the ropes for two. Sammy dodges a shot to the exposed buckle and superkicks him, but he goes up and Andrade brings him down and sets up the hammerlock DDT off the top. Sammy slips out and SWEEPS THE LEG, dropping Andrade facefirst on the exposed turnbuckle, and he follows with the springboard cutter for the pin at 12:27 to retain. Kind of surprised they beat Andrade here, actually. ***1/2 Matt Hardy immediately goes for the attack on Sammy, but Sting and Darby make the save and run off the AHFO.
QT Marshall stops by the announce desk to bitch at Taz about his beef with Hook, claiming all the credit for Hook’s success and demanding that the kid come out and show him respect. Hook of course fears no man and comes out to answer, so QT starts sending his geek students after him and Hook dispatches them one by one and then walks off. That was hardly even a fair fight with only 3 guys taking a run at Hook. ***********************1/2
Meanwhile, Dan Lambert promises the Men of the Year that he’ll get Scorpio a title shot at the TNT champion.
Wardlow v. Nick Comoroto
Comoroto actually manages a gut wrench suplex to start, but Wardlow pops up and suplexes the shit out of Nick. Comoroto elbows him into the corner, but Wardlow suplexes him over the top and he follows with a clothesline on the floor. Solo gets involved and Comoroto runs Wardlow into the stairs as a result, and back in Comoroto beats on him in the corner, but Wardlow takes him down and slugs away before Comoroto slams him and drops an elbow. Suplex gets one while Jericho calls Comoroto “Like a Yeti, and I don’t mean Ron Reis!” which cracks Taz up. We take a break and return with Comoroto trying a slam, but Wardlow reverses to a powerbomb and the end is near. So it’s time for the Powerbomb Symphony and that finishes at 6:22. This was, as Big E likes to say, Big Meaty Men Slapping Meat and it was pretty awesome for what it was. *** Shawn Spears nails Solo with his chair while Wardlow is trying to powerbomb him, and Spears does a promo about how the powerbomb thing isn’t getting over (which means “popular”) so they need to get back to basics and NO MORE POWERBOMBS. And then he gives Wardlow a hug that draws a hilariously disgusted look.
5 Minute Challenge: Serena Deeb v. Kayla Sparks
Deeb quickly lays her out and chokes her out with her jacket, and then goes to work on the back with forearms before putting her on the top rope and wrapping her up in a submission hold while Spark is hanging upside-down. Deeb beats on the arm and finishes with the Serenity Lock at 2:28. *
Dr. Britt Baker DMD and Thunder Rosa join us for the contract signing, as Britt points out that she may have lost the match, but she got the t-shirt and action figure, while Rosa is all bitter now. Also Britt was the face of AEW while Rosa was “wrestling on YouTube”, and really it’s Rosa self-hating because she’s not DMD. And of course Rosa attacks, but Jamie Hayter saves Britt, and then Mercedes hits the ring and puts Hayter through the table. Just a paint by numbers contract signing.
Face of the Revolution qualifier: Orange Cassidy v. Anthony Bowens
Orange isn’t into the idea of climbing stuff, but Wheeler Yuta assures him that it’s only wrestling tonight, and that’s fine with Orange. Meanwhile the Acclaimed call him “Ryan Gosling with scurvy” and note that he has “the face of Ellen DeGeneres” for the sick burn of the night. Caster offers Orange the chance to spit some HOT FIRE on the mic in response to his rap, but Orange decides to chase them out of the ring with his leg kicks and then quips “Word to your mother” and dives onto Bowens. The Acclaimed double-teams Orange on the floor, and back in the ring Bowens beats on him with elbows and follows with a suplex for two. Caster pulls Orange out and chokes him out with the chain, and Bowens wraps Orange around the post and works on the shoulder. Back in the ring, that gets one. Bowens puts the boots to him in the corner, but Orange rolls him up for two before Bowens puts him down again with a neckbreaker. Bowens runs him into the corner to further injure the shoulder. Bowens misses a charge and Orange flips over the top and goes up with a flying bodypress, but Caster trips him up and Bowens takes over again. Bowens tries a suplex, but Orange counters into the stunner. Bowens gets a spinning facebuster and a running knee strike for two and they’re both down. Orange is up first with a Michinoku Driver for two. Bowens tries his draping DDT but Orange fights him off and slugs back from the apron before backdropping Bowens to the floor and following with a dive. Back in, Orange with the diving DDT and a floatover DDT for two. Orange goes after Caster and Bowens rolls him up for two, and then hits a clothesline and pumphandle slam for two. Orange bails and Caster goes after him with the chain, but DANHAUSEN sneaks in and CURSES Caster, which allows Orange to head back in and finish with the Orange Punch at 10:22. That’s why you want to make sure Danhausen is on your side. I better go buy another t-shirt just to be on the safe side. Fun match, nothing mind-blowing. **1/2
A solid show up and down, aside from the contract signing that felt unnecessary and the Deeb segments that continue going nowhere.