The SmarK Rant for Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling – 06.12.82
Hey, so longtime blog reader and fan Daryl Stewart is currently battling cancer and needed a pick-me-up, so I offered him a rant of his choice to help his spirits. And he asked me to go back to 82 Mid-Atlantic again, so who am I to say to no to that request?
Taped from Charlotte, NC
Your host is Bob Caudle
Don Muraco joins us to start and he only wants to be known as THE MAGNIFICENT MURACO from now on, as he’s dressed like Tony Montana and goes on a paranoid rant against Wahoo McDaniel. Jack Brisco immediately interrupts and if Muraco had any guts at all, he’d face Jack right now, since Piper and Muraco turned on him a couple of weeks back and all. Well we can tell that Muraco has guts, that’s for sure. So Jack calls him a beach bum and gives him a pretty spicy bitchslap on behalf of Native Americans who are offended by Muraco’s racism, and that’s apparently going to be a match later.
Sgt. Slaughter v. Steve Sybert
So Sarge has regained the US title from Wahoo thanks to Muraco fucking him over and injuring him, so Slaughter learned the two sweetest words in the English language: DE-FAULT. Good, the title is back where it belongs again. Anyway, Slaughter lets us know that Wahoo was afraid of a Boot Camp match and just decided not to show up, then made up the injury story because he’s a coward and all. Sarge overpowers Sybert and throws him around the ring to start before working the arm. Sarge beats on him in the corner, but Sybert fires back with chops, so Sarge hits him with a dropkick and goes to a chinlock. You think Keith Lee can throw dropkicks like that? Put this man in the Observer Hall of Fame! Cobra Clutch finishes FOR AMERICA at 3:06. 1 for 1.
Jack Brisco v. The Magnificent Muraco
Muraco makes a big show of tying up his bootlaces while Brisco rages in the ring and waits for him, and then finally gets in and Brisco starts kicking his ass. Kneedrop gets one. Jack goes to an armbar while Roddy Piper joins us, sending bad juju towards Brisco, but Jack slams Muraco and goes back to the arm again. Piper joins the commentary desk and clarifies that Muraco doesn’t actually need his assistance and Muraco injured Brisco’s knee all by himself. Speaking of which, Muraco kicks Brisco right in the injured knee to take over, but Brisco backdrops him out of the corner and goes back to the armbar again. Piper continues doing a bizarrely robotic interview at the desk, declaring that Muraco has a counter for the figure-four while speaking in a bland monotone. Uh oh, did he mix the wrong drugs again? Brisco keeps working on the arm while Piper declares “Any time Magnificent Muraco and myself are here it’s a treat. Let us watch” and he manages to have no inflection in his voice whatsoever. I don’t know what the angle is here but it’s so bizarre and hilarious and I feel like a big payoff is coming. Brisco takes Muraco down and cranks on a hammerlock, but Muraco fights out, and then tries a bodypress and gets taken down with the hammerlock in mid-air again. This Brisco guy seems to be good at this wrestling thing. Muraco takes out the knee again and goes to work on that with gusto, then gets his own version of the figure-four. On the wrong leg, I should note. That’s a pet peeve of mine. Brisco reverses the hold (which was still a rarity in 1982) and Roddy Piper runs in for the DQ at 9:40 and takes a swing at Brisco before beating him down until Jimmy Valiant makes the save. Hell of a TV match here. 2 for 2.
Porkchop Cash and King Parsons join Bob after winning the Mid-Atlantic tag titles from Slaughter’s Privates a couple of weeks back.
Porkchop Cash & King Parsons v. The Monk & Carl Fergie
Fergie gets double-teamed by the champs and Cash works the arm, but the Monk comes in, although he doesn’t appear to be affiliated with any particular religious denomination or sect. The Monk gets some shots on Parsons, and then brings in Fergie again for some knees on the ropes, but Parsons gets a sunset flip for two. For those who haven’t followed my Mid-Atlantic stuff in a while, this was well before he was Iceman Parsons, and at this point he was a green rookie who was stealing from Butch Reed more than anything. Porkchop gets a tag and beats the Monk down, and Parsons makes a comeback on Fergie and finishes with a small package at 6:20. These tag champions have ZERO chemistry together. It’s almost as if they were just put together because they happened to be a pair of black guys with no thought given to how they worked as a team. NO. That’s crazy talk, what am I even saying? 2 for 3.
Paul Jones promises to interfere in King Kong Mosca’s matches and make sure he loses.
Jack Brisco is sick of Roddy Piper’s shit and wants a no-DQ match for the Mid-Atlantic title whenever he’s ready.
Paul Jones v. Ken Timbs
Jones takes Timbs down while some fans are oinking at Timbs for some reason. That seems pretty hurtful. Jones works a headlock on him and slugs away, then dodges a charging Timbs and slams him before going to a chinlock. BREAKING NEWS: Jake Roberts will be coming back in a couple of weeks after being blinded by the deadly mist of the Ninja. Poor Jake, always getting blinded by heels. Timbs runs Jones into the turnbuckle and chokes him out on the ropes, but Jones clips the knee and wraps him up in the Commander death lock for the submission at 3:28. 2 for 4.
King Kong Mosca, Ivan Koloff & The Ninja v. Kelly Kiniski, Mike Rotundo & Mike Davis
The pre-match promo from Rotundo and Kiniski is a mealy-mouthed classic trainwreck, with Rotundo talking about the “Mid-Atlantic Conference” and confusing his opponents with his partners. Poor Bob Caudle has to basically feed rookie Rotundo his lines, to the point where he makes his later boring IRS promos sound like prime Ted Dibiase promos by comparison. The babyface jobbers work on the Ninja’s arm to start, so Koloff comes in and they work on his arm as well. But then Ivan gets all pissed off and just drags young Rotundo in, allowing Mosca to put him down with an elbow for two. Ninja takes him down for two and drops elbows on Rotundo’s arm, but Mike Davis gets a hot tag and backdrops Koloff for two. Kiniski comes in and chinlocks Ivan, but Koloff elbows him down to cut him off again and then hits him with the double axehandle off the top. Mike Davis manages to get another tag and does his comeback with a dropkick for two, but Ivan tosses him into a chop from the Ninja and Mosca just beats Davis down and pins him at 5:03. Mosca as the miserable SOB in a six-man match is a pretty effective use of him.
Roddy Piper and Magnificent Muraco join us at the desk to close out the show, and Piper is in a FAR more jovial mood than earlier in the show, because now they’ve chased Wahoo away and injured Brisco, so that’s a successful week! Also King Kong clarifies that his name is NOT Ding Dong, despite what Paul Jones tells people.
Sadly, we did not get an opportunity to check out Slaughter’s Privates this week, but perhaps he’ll whip them out next week and put them on TV.