The SmarK Rant for WWE NXT – 10.31.12

The SmarK Rant for WWE NXT – 10.31.12

HOLY CRAP. We’ve finally moved onto Royal Rumble ads on the Network!

So this one has a couple of notable debuts. Pay close attention and I’ll try to point them out when they happen.

Taped from Orlando, FL

Your hosts are Tony Luftman & William Regal

The Usos v. Michael McGillicutty & Johnny Curtis

Our first debut of the week, as future WWE LEGEND Summer Rae makes her on-screen debut as the ring announcer, having been confined to the off-screen announcing role before this. Johnny Curtis (the future Fandango) and McGillicutty are teaming Because Reasons and Michael is immediately annoyed by Dirty Curty’s gyrations. Regal notes that he’s a “custard-foot” and that certainly sounds like something one would not wish to be known as. Curtis gets double-teamed in the Uso corner while they keep demanding that when they say “Uce” we say “Oh”. STOP PRESSURING ME. I’ll say “oh” when I’m damn good and ready. When I say “breathalyzer”, they say “blow”. Anyway, I’m reminded of going to see Dire Straits in the early 90s, as Mark Knopfler let the audience know that if they wanted to be chill and stay seated, that was fine with them. Always appreciated. The heels double-team Jimmy in their corner with various choking, but Jey gets a hot tag and they do the Uso stuff on Perfect Jr and finish him with the flying Uso splash at 4:22. This was definitely a match that happened. And then the Ascension appear in what appears to be a balcony and stare them down, because GOD KNOWS we haven’t seen those matches enough over the past three months of this show. 0 for 1. Are there NO other tag teams in NXT? Actually, never mind, there literally isn’t.

Meanwhile, Trent? Berreta meets up with Kassius Ohno and they have a verbal showdown worthy of NXT 2.0, as Trent offers to put his knee “right in his dumb beard”. It’s true, Ohno’s beard is pretty lame.

Xavier Woods v. Leo Kruger

Yes, it’s the NXT debut of XAVIER WOODS, which will no doubt be the biggest debut of this show and won’t be topped by any other debuting WWE superstars. So Regal steals the show already by declaring that Woods is a “purveyor of the funk” like himself, a fellow “funk soul brother”. Again, they fired this man and let everyone else currently on the commentary desks remain employed. Xavier and his giant disco afro take Kruger down with a headlock, but Kruger escapes with a backbreaker and goes all CRAZY before pounding on the back to take over. Kruger goes to a bearhug while the announcer guy namedrops “ruthless aggression” which I guess was still a thing in 2012? Kruger takes him down with a belly to belly for two and goes back to the bearhug, but Woods takes him to the turnbuckle and follows with the Honor Roll (or “The Explosive Athletic Move” as the announcer calls it) but then he goes up and misses like a geek, and Kruger finishes with his neckbreaker thingamabob at 4:00. Not much to this one, as it was basically a Kruger squash win. 0 for 2.

Big E Langston joins Byron Saxton for an interview, as he explains that he loves the number 5 and that’s going nowhere, but Vickie Guerrero interrupts and she wants to recruit Big E for her stable. So Big E claps his weightlifting powder in her face and chases her off. Still better than NXT 2.0.

Jinder Mahal joins us and he wants the NXT championship because he hasn’t had a rematch yet with Seth Rollins, but then Justin Gabriel interrupts and he also wants a title shot. Gabriel at least shows some personality as compared to all the other robots on this show. And then Drew McIntyre also interrupts and he also wants a title match. And then so does Bo Dallas. So yeah they’ve been doing that jibber jabber gimmick for 10 years now. Also incredible that 50% of the people in the ring ended up as WWE champion. So with everyone having staked their claim to the title, Dusty Rhodes comes out and SHOCKINGLY books them all in a four-way match for a title shot NEXT WEEK.

CJ Parker v. Roman Reigns

Yes, it’s the debut of the future JUICE ROBINSON, back when he was rookie CJ Parker! But first he has to get through this other geek, who you might remember better as Leakee. Anyway, the announcers talk about how we’ll be talking about this Reigns kid for “years to come”. Let’s not get carried away here. Reigns catches a bodypress attempt and puts Parker down with a leaping punch, and then works on the arm while the announcers are all “Roman Reigns is going to be such a huge star” and “Roman Reigns is going to be a main eventer” and “Roman Reigns is so BLAH BLAH BLAH”. I’m already sick of this guy. I can tell you that he’ll never be the head of anyone’s table! Reigns tries a hammerlock slam, but Parker falls on top of him for two. Haha, some future World champion this guy is! Parker comes back but misses a blind charge, and Reigns hits him with a superman punch, goes “AAAAAAAAAAAWOOOO” and punches the mat, as if that will ever get over, and then finishes with a suplex into a uranage at 3:41 to begin an undistinguished career of mediocrity. In fact I’m not even sure what happened to the guy. He’s no Juice, that’s for sure, but he looked OK here. He’s no Grayson Waller, that’s for sure. 1 for 3.

US title: Antonio Cesaro v. Tyson Kidd

Regal suggests that everyone follow Cesaro on something called “Tout”. Now there was a failed investment on WWE’s part. As if anyone could make money off a service that only provides short videos on a cell phone! Cesaro works a facelock and they do a test of strength, which allows Kidd to show off his bridge skills and amazing neck strength. Hopefully he keeps working on those neck muscles! Kidd reverses to a kneebar and Cesaro makes the ropes to escape. Cesaro misses a charge and Kidd gets a pair of cradles for two, and they trade rollups for a dozen two-counts between them before Kidd goes to an armbar. We take a break and learn about the dangers of trying these dangerous moves at home, and return with Cesaro holding a bearhug, but Kid rolls out of it and dropkicks him. Kidd heads to the apron and springboards in with a rollup, then flips to the apron again and hits an enzuigiri from out there before springboarding in with a headscissors for two. Guillotine legdrop puts Cesaro on the floor, and back in for a springboard elbow that gets two for Kidd. Kidd tries the Sharpshooter, but Cesaro grabs the ring skirt to block it and hits Kidd with the pop up forearm before finishing with the NEUTRALIZER at 9:40 to retain. Really good match to end the show here. 2 for 4.

Aside from the brutal attempts at doing promos, this was a pretty decent show this week.