The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 12.25.21
“Holiday Bash Part 2”
Merry Christmas, blog readership! I got a countertop icemaker as the big gift from my family, which I’m pretty pumped about, and a new Johnny Cash t-shirt to offset the 18 Guns N Roses and/or Metallica shirts that are piled in my closet.
Taped from Greensboro, NC
Your hosts are Excalibur, Taz & Ricky Starks
Jungle Boy v. Isiah Kassidy
So now we settle who is pounding whose ass. Quen quickly trips up Jungle Boy and Kassidy gets a running elbow in the corner and puts the boots to JB. Blind charge misses and Jungle Boy does his ropewalk wristlock takedown, but he heads to the apron and Kassidy springboards into a necksnap and then follows with a dive. Slingshot senton gets two and Big Money Matt gets a cheapshot from the floor while Taz and Starks make Christmas puns and cackle at their own hilarity. Kassidy chokes away in the corner and goes to a waistlock on the mat, but a blind charge misses and JB fights back with chops and a lariat. Falcon arrow gets two. Kassidy fights back with an enzuigiri and reverse rana for two. Jungle Boy hits him with a suplex into the corner and follows with a german suplex for two, however. He dumps Kassidy and follows with a tope, which allows Christian and Luchasaurus to deal with the various flunkies at ringside, and the Snare Trap finishes at 8:45. Good opener. This gets 3 French Hens.
Meanwhile, Miro will return with no flaws, closer than ever to his hot flexible wife. And redemption doesn’t come with a smile, it comes with a price.
HOOK v. Bear Bronson
Apparently Hook’s t-shirt is the #1 seller on the AEW site, which still sounds low. Bronson works the arm to start and the crowd boos everything, but Hook takes him down and Bronson has to make the ropes to survive. Hook beats on him in the corner, but Bear fights back and gets booed like Cody Rhodes, so Hook takes him down with an STO and wraps him up with a hammerlock on the mat. Bear has to make the ropes again and rakes the eyes before hitting a Dreamer Driver, but Hook just pops up from that and hits him with a northern lights suplex. Bronson stupidly gets up, so Hook suplexes him on his head and beats on him with crossfaces before sinking in the REDRUM at 3:05 as the crowd goes nuts. I feel like he’s ready for a belt now. Maybe start with the AEW World title and go from there. FIVE GOLDEN RINGS.
Kris Statlander v. Leyla Hirsch
They trade headlocks to start and Leyla takes her down off that but Statlander overpowers her and stops to flex. Hirsch takes her to the corner for double knees and that gets two, but Statlander catches her with a powerslam for two. Statlander with a delayed suplex for two. Hirsch with a takedown into a rollup for two and she goes into the cross armbreaker, but Statlander powers out of that and takes her to the corner. Leyla counters with a hanging armbar in the corner and goes up with a moonsault for two, and then follows with a running knee for two. They slug it out and Statlander gets a Blue Thunder bomb for two. Hirsch with a german suplex for two. Statlander boots her down and gets a reverse bodyslam to set up a spider crab, and Leyla taps at 6:14. This was a fast-paced and entertaining hoss fight, but too short. Two and three quarter turtle doves.
TNT title: Sammy Guevara v. Cody Rhodes
Followup point from a couple of weeks back, as I noted that I was happy we didn’t get TBS in Canada so that we’re spared the Go Big Show, but as it turns out it airs up here on the Comedy Channel, which I found out because I had to sit through about 450 commercials for it while watching the annual Big Bang Theory marathon. David Crockett is at ringside to present the winner with the title and he’s looking pretty old. Sammy shotguns Cody into the corner with a dropkick and tries the GTH, but Cody escapes that, so Sammy gets another dropkick and clotheslines him to the floor. Back in, the crowd lets Cody know that he sucks, so he takes Sammy down with a headlock, and Sammy escapes that with a powerslam for two. Cody comes back with a springboard cutter and they fight to the floor, where Sammy runs him into the stairs and tries a shooting star off the apron that misses. Cody runs him into the railing and beats on him with knees, then takes Sammy down with a short arm scissors, which Sammy reverses for two. Sammy throws chops, but Cody takes him down with a legsweep and goes back to the arm again and stomps the wrist for two. Sammy gets a rollup for two, but Cody hits him with a clothesline for two and puts the boots to the shoulder. He hammerlocks the arm and runs it into the corner, and follows with a delayed suplex, but misses a moonsault. Sammy comes back with clotheslines and springboards into a double jump cutter for two. Sammy with his own Crossroads and Cody bails to the floor to escape, so Sammy hits him with an insane double springboard 450 that nearly results in him landing on his face. He tries a rana, but Cody tosses him into the front row to counter and brings him back in for the disaster kick. Crossroads gets two. Sammy goes dead weight and makes it to the ropes, so Cody takes him to the top for a superplex, but Sammy lands on his feet and hits the GTH for two. Sammy goes up to finish, but he stops to flip Cody off and hits the knees on the 630. So Cody hits the Crossroads twice and follows with a Tiger Driver 98 to win his third TNT title at 15:14 and really piss off the crowd good. This gets a strong Four Calling Birds and hopefully they’re going somewhere with this Cody thing and not just trolling their audience.
This was a pretty great show for what could have been a complete nothing on Christmas night, and I’m glad they put some effort into it.