The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 12.01.21
Hey, once again my DVR screwed up recording AEW tonight on TSN2 and instead has decided that tomorrow at 1pm is the preferred time for me to watch it, so I’m off to Finland as usual.
Live from Atlanta, GA
Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Excalibur, and playing the part of Jim Ross but unschooled in the art of barbeque, Hangman Page.
Bryan Danielson v. Alan Angels
Did anyone else catch the exciting new luchador Infinito on Dark? Hopefully we can see a match between him and Danielson on Dynamite some day. Maybe he’ll join the Dark Order! Angels is very loudly over with the local crowd, so he’s gonna die. Probably painfully. Bryan takes him down and goes for the leg to start, but Angels makes the ropes. Angels comes out looking for revenge, but Bryan casually hides in the ropes and laughs at him. Finally Angels beats on Danielson in the corner, but Bryan just soaks it up and puts him down with a forearm and drops knees on him. Bryan continues the beating in the corner and hits the corner dropkick, then takes him to another corner and just pounds him with forearms. Angels counters with a backslide for two and fights back, but Dragon hits him with a butterfly suplex into a cross armbreaker, and Angels has to make the ropes. He comes back again with a springboard dropkick and puts Bryan on the floor, so he follows with a pair of dives, because he’s only got one shot, mom’s spaghetti. Back in, Spanish Fly gets two. Moonsault misses and Danielson hits him with the running knee, but he wants more pain and curb stomps him into silly putty before finishing with a kneebar at 6:11. **1/2 Afterwards, Bryan brags about kicking his head in and snapping his MCL, to go with Colt’s missing tooth. Next week is apparently the Dark Order member from Long Island, which doesn’t bode well for Johnny Hungie. Bryan continues calling out Hangman, who’s had enough of this disrespect, but John Silver stops him from leaving his sacred duty as professional broadcaster and hits the ring. But Bryan just dodges him and continues talking shit to Hangman because they’re not allowed to touch until December 15.
Meanwhile, Miro has been having visions from his god and it’s probably going to end in pain for some people.
Lee Moriarty v. CM Punk
MJF replaces Page on commentary here, accusing CM of standing for “cooking meth”. Huge if true. They trade wristlocks to start and Punk goes to a headlock, but Moriarty reverses to a crucifix for two while MJF laughs at how sad Punk is looking here. Moriarty with an armdrag and he works on that, but Punk works him over in the corner. MJF: “I have won matches in FIVE SECONDS against competition like this.” Punk with a springboard clothesline as we take a break. Punk takes Moriarty down with a bodyscissors as MJF continues burying everything and everyone, including both Ruby Soho and Kris Statlander while the other announcers hype that match. “They both suck.” Back from the break and Punk misses a knee in the corner, allowing Moriarty to make a comeback with kicks and a suplex for two. Punk escapes another suplex and goes up with a crossbody, but Moriarty rolls through for two and hooks him into a crossface. Punk escapes and they do a series of near-fall reversals before Punk puts him down with a high kick for two. Moriarty fires back with a high kick and slam for two, but Punk powers him into the GTS to finish at 10:20. Solid showing from Moriarty. *** And then MJF goes nuclear, saying that Punk is too busy “trying to get into Britt Baker’s pants” backstage and couldn’t handle the competition tonight. Not sure what the story is with that one. Punk wants a fight tonight, but MJF calls himself “a spark to a flame that Punk hasn’t had since 2011” and he’s better than Bret in Canada and Punk in Chicago next week. Somehow I doubt that. And then Max promises to put Punk’s dog to sleep, and that’s a bit much for Punk, but MJF hides behind Warlow as usual. MJF absolutely would be the guy in the westerns who kicks the dog to get heel heat.
Meanwhile, Dr. Britt Baker DMD is still upset about losing to Riho, and Jamie Hayter is giving her attitude, but they’re back on the same page again and Jamie will be facing Riho. Although Jamie still doesn’t do the DMD deal.
Orange Cassidy comes out for a match while Adam Cole joins the rotating commentary cast, but the Young Bucks come out from behind, resulting in Orange valiantly fighting them off with the kicks until Cole goes low. And then the Bucks do their own slow motion superkicks in a funny bit before hitting the double superkick to put him down, before the Best Friends save. Not even sure what the match was supposed to be there, but whatever it was didn’t happen.
Meanwhile, Tony Nese is the next outsider to challenge for the TNT title on Rampage.
Wardlow v. AC Adams
Wardlow quickly murdalizes the poor bastard with a powerbomb trilogy at 1:25.
Colton & Billy Gunn v. Sting & Darby Allin
What’s with the 80s sci fi show theme song for the Gunn Club, anyway? I feel like I should be watching Knight Rider reruns on KTLA on a Wednesday afternoon or something. Sting and Darby have matching facepaint, looking a lot like Danhausen. He’d probably fit right in from what I know about him. Colton grabs a headlock on Darby to start, but Darby slides away from him and hits him with a dropkick into the corner. Over to Billy, so Sting comes in and quickly chases Billy out of the ring. So Billy sends Colton back in like a good father and then catches Darby from behind with whatever his cobra slam used to be called. The One and Only I want to say? We take a break as the Gunns go to work on Darby and Colton whips him into the corner and goes to a chinlock. Billy tries a press slam and Darby lands on his feet and gets a crucifix for two. Billy slams him out of that for two and Darby’s managed to bust himself open on the top of the head. Darby fights back and tries a sunset flip, and then runs the Gunns together and makes the hot tag to Sting. He quickly destroys Colton and tries the Scorpion Deathlock, but Austin Gunn runs in and breaks it up, and Billy hits Sting with the fameasser behind the ref’s back for two. Darby gets rid of Billy with a suicide dive, hits the stunner on Colton, and Sting finishes with the death drop at 10:11 to end the Gunn win streak. This would be your party match of the week, just a fun tag match. **3/4
Meanwhile, Chris Jericho denies that he was helping Eddie Kingston last week, and that prompts 2point0 to storm in and attack, laying him out.
Lio Rush joins us with Team Taz on commentary, and they argue about who’s going to win the Dynamite Diamond Ring battle royale next week, and Lio isn’t going down without a fight. But then Dante comes out and stares him down and Lio is heartbroken again. Man, I can’t believe how they’ve turned Rush around and turned him into a top level babyface.
Meanwhile, Jade Cargill and Thunder Rosa have words backstage, as Rosa will be doing commentary on Rampage this week.
TBS title tournament quarter-finals: Kris Statlander v. Ruby Soho
Taz seems to have taken over the commentary position on a permanent basis for the rest of the show. They trade hammerlocks to start and Statlander boops Ruby, which doesn’t go over well. Ruby comes back with a flying armdrag and hits a flatliner for two off that. We take a break as Ruby tries a suplex. Taz: “Schiavone, you ever been on TBS?” Statlander gets a delayed vertical suplex for two and goes to a surfboard as Taz actually explains the physics behind taking a suplex and why you’re better off just going with the move rather than fighting it once you’re in the air. They trade rollup attempts and Statlander gets a powerslam, but Ruby hits her with a forearm to the back of the head and they’re both out. Statlander is up first and gets the Blue Thunder Bomb for two, but she tries the spider crab and Ruby reverses to a triangle attempt. Statlander slams her into the corner and follows with a powerbomb for two off that, but Ruby makes the comeback and slugs away in the corner. She tries a victory roll and then turns it into a reverse rana instead, and follows with a short rana for two. Riott kick is blocked by Statlander and she tries the Big Bang Theory, but Ruby reverses to a cradle for the pin at 10:34. Probably Soho’s best match to date in AEW, actually. ***1/2 They had really good chemistry together. This brings out Vickie Guerrero to distract Statlander while Nyla Rose attacks Soho from behind and lays her out.
So this leaves Jade v. Thunder Rosa on one side and Soho v. Nyla Rose on the other, and that pretty clearly sets up Jade v. Soho in the finals.
Atlanta Street Fight: Andrade v. Cody Rhodes
Apparently Jose the Assistant was not written out last week, as seemed to be the case. They immediately brawl into the crowd while Arn kicks Jose’s ass. You know, I’m continually sad that we don’t get TBS here in Canada, so I’m unable to watch Cody on the Go Big Show and gain proper appreciation for his talents outside of the ring. They head to ringside and the stairs get flipped upside down, and Andrade drops him facefirst on the corner in a nasty spot. Cody gets a chair from rapper T-Pain, who I really only know from “I’m On a Boat” because I’m hip to the music of the youths of today. Cody takes off the belt and Andrade steals it and beats on Cody, then throws it into the crowd and thankfully they don’t throw it back in this time. That shit is dangerous. Speaking of which, Andrade uses a laptop and smashes that on Cody and then beats on him with a chair outside and teases a table before denying the fans. Back in, Andrade is so disliked for denying the table that he actually gets BOOED. AGAINST CODY RHODES! This is such a shock that it actually breaks the feed and here’s what we see on Fite for the next while…
I don’t know if that was just Fite or everywhere. I know guys like to get color on this show but this is ridiculous. So we actually lose about 10 minutes and return with Cody bleeding in the corner while Andrade beats on him with a chair and gets two. Finally Andrade decides to bring that table out tosses Cody through it in the corner, and then sets up another one before they fight on top. This brings out Brandi to douse the table with lighter fluid and set it ablaze, setting up Cody’s reverse suplex through the table, and Cody’s literally on fire while making the pin at 13:21. Cody, my man, if we stop giving you shit will you agree not to throw yourself through flaming tables to win us over, buddy? Anyway, this was quite the deal, although I lost a chunk of the match but it was still a crazy Attitude Era brawl that was a lot of fun. ****1/4
There was definitely some interesting stuff on this show and it felt like they were trying different things with the mix and match commentators (although MJF was TERRIBLE) and although not everything worked great (like Danielson v. Angels, which I’m probably being generous to) this was the usual easy to watch show that did a good job of building towards Winter is Coming.