The SmarK Rant for WWF Wrestling Challenge – 01.31.87
BUSINESS IS ABOUT TO PICK UP. Not quite yet unfortunately because the Superstars taping with some of the biggest angles in wrestling history doesn’t happen until a few days after this aired. But we’re getting there!
Taped from Hershey, PA
Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan, plus Johnny V for some reason.
King Harley Race v. Koko B. Ware
We cut out Koko’s whole entrance now and jump right to the match. Koko is wearing what appears to be a unitard here for some reason. He dodges Race and gets a hiptoss, but Race puts him down with a belly to belly suplex for two. Race beats on Koko in the corner and goes up with a diving headbutt, but that misses and Koko makes the comeback. He goes up and Bobby blatantly shoves him off the top, and Race gets a quick three for the pin at 2:00. In case you needed to ask, Danny Davis was refereeing here. JYD runs out to protect Koko (who basically just took a normal flat back bump off the top) and offers Davis a free shot before giving him a hiptoss across the ring to a huge pop. Hopefully he gets fined and suspended by corrupt old Tunney. Maybe fine the bird as well. You don’t put your hands on a referee! 1 for 1.
Wrestler’s Rebuttal with Blackjack Mulligan. Blackjack puts over the WWF Magazine because it’s “the hottest selling magazine in the whole world”. I’d like to see some sales numbers to back up that claim. Huge if true.
Hercules v. Don Driggers
We get an inset promo from Hulk Hogan himself, who calls Hercules “the ultimate test” after getting “pushed to the limit” by him. Herc gets a suplex and puts Driggers away with the full nelson at 0:45. But then Billy Jack Haynes comes down early for his squash and Hercules stands there growling at him while Bobby pulls on his chain like a dog to keep him from attacking. Hopefully he doesn’t bark at the window when people are walking across the street like my dog does. 1 for 2.
George Steele joins Killer Ken with some thoughts on Randy Savage and Elizabeth. If I’m interpreting his promo correctly, he’s going to hurt Savage, steal Elizabeth, and win the Intercontinental title.
Billy Jack Haynes v. Jimmy Jack Funk
Winner gets exclusive rights to “Jack” as a middle name. Funk attacks and rakes his face on the ropes before slugging away in the corner, but Billy catches him with a clotheslines out of the corner while Hercules watches from the aisle. Haynes with a press slam and he finishes with the full nelson at 2:00. This of course angers Hercules even more and Bobby hauls him away as they yell at each other. 1 for 3.
Jimmy Hart and Honky Tonk Man join Killer Ken, as Honky talks about what a terrible friend that Hulk Hogan really was, because he was the first person to cast a vote against him and stab him in the back. Also his hair is natural jet black, no grease. Just the way his mama made it!
Meanwhile, the Can-Am Connection are hanging out in the locker room, reminiscing about all the cites they’d been to recently.
The Hart Foundation & Adrian Adonis v. Paul Roma, Jim Parks & Tony Garea
Neidhart was actually in some pretty serious legal trouble at this point, getting arrested for allegedly assaulting a stewardess and ending up deep in debt to Vince McMahon, who apparently covered his legal bills. The Harts double-team Parks and Neidhart slams him into a flying elbow from Adonis, and he finishes with Good Night Irene at 1:45. I love Gorilla calling the grey-haired Parks “a youngster”. Very on brand for him. 1 for 4.
Piper’s Pit with guest Jesse Ventura. Piper has the trophies that are causing the trouble, and you can see that Hogan’s trophy is a good 6 inches taller than Andre’s. Also, there’s a weird edit on the Network version here, as they suddenly cut to a forced digital zoom on Piper’s face and then zoom out again as Jesse enters. WTF was that? So Jesse, and I know this is a shock, is spreading conspiracy theories about Andre the Giant, and now he’s done some investigations and he found out exactly why Andre got reinstated and why Bobby was at the hearing and Andre himself wasn’t. But he’s not talking. Moving on, Jesse points out that Hogan’s trophy is real gold and Andre’s is “rotten old lead”, and Hogan’s been ducking people as champion. So Jesse and Piper are ready to throw down in the ring, but Jesse suggests that instead they bring out Andre and Hogan next week and let them discuss things at that point. 2 for 5.
Meanwhile, Danny Davis is pretty pissed about being abused by JYD earlier and wants fines and suspensions levied. He’s absolutely right. Probably would have been way more effective if no one could touch Davis until Tunney fired him, as well.
Jake Roberts v. Gary Starr
Jake is working in a t-shirt and weird blue tights this week, and finishes with the DDT at 0:28. 2 for 6.
The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff v. The Islanders
Haku gets a bodypress on Volkoff and the Islanders get double headbutts on him, but Tama runs into a knee from Sheiky baby. Sheik comes in with a back elbow while Bobby notes that everyone from Tonga is clearly illiterate because they don’t wear shoes, and thus can’t read what their shoe size is. Haku gets a hot tag and slams Sheik into a flying splash from Tama, but Slick comes in and nails Tama with the cane and Sheik gets the pin at 2:12. Why isn’t Gorilla all over this idiot referee the same way he’s always picking on Danny Davis? Oh, of course, it’s JOEY MARELLA. No shock there. 2 for 7.
Ricky Steamboat joins Killer Ken, and Randy Savage will burn.
Andre the Giant, man of few words, agrees to be here next week.
NEXT WEEK: Andre and Hogan have a chat! Tito Santana! Randy Savage! Koko v. King part 2! And yes, we finally get to the fireworks factory! And of course that’s the last episode on the Network.