The SmarK Rant for Extreme Championship Wrestling – 01.16.96
Last week: Shane Douglas returns at the end of the episode!
Taped from ECW Arena
Your host is Joey Styles
Bill Alfonso immediately interrupts Joey’s opening spiel to rant about how he hates everyone in Philly and how Joey should do more interviews with Taz. And also the fans better make some good signs next time! So Joey snaps and he’s about to smack Bill around, but Taz storms in and puts Joey in his place for disrespecting his manager. This brings out 911 to defend Styles and they threaten a brawl before referees and wrestlers pull them apart while the crowd chants “Let them go!” Well, Heyman certainly did let one of them go. This leaves El Puerto Ricano as the last one standing, so he challenges Taz and Taz immediately drops the kid on his head while Joey freaks out about breaking the kid’s neck. So 911 comes out again to defend Joey, but this time the Eliminators beat him down and hit Total Elimination on him. This leads Sign Guy to wonder “Who Does 911 Call?” at ringside. The answer, of course, is the unemployment office. So then Rey Mysterio Jr. comes out and manages to clean house by moonsaulting both Eliminators and chasing them out of the ring, before following with an Orihara moonsault on both of them. So I guess it’s a match?
911 & Rey Mysterio v. The Eliminators
Rey hits Saturn with a headscissors in the ring, but Kronus jumps him from behind, so Rey rolls up Saturn for two. Saturn tries a press slam and Rey reverses to a headscissors for two, but Saturn dumps him and they go after 911 again. And this brings Taz back out as he chokes out 911 with his towel and the ref appears unconcerned about this. So we continue with Kronus beating on 911 in the corner, and a standing moonsault on Rey gets two. 911 tries to make a comeback while Kronus powerbombs Rey in nasty fashion, and Total Elimination puts 911 down again. They continue double-teaming Rey and Saturn buries him with another powerbomb, but Rey fights back with a double DDT. So 911 gets the hot tag, and we get the famous chicken fight spot with Rey coming off 911’s shoulders with a rana on Saturn, and that gets the pin at 5:16. That was a wacky and creative finish. 1 for 1. The Eliminators do the beatdown on Rey, but the Pitbulls make the save, so the Eliminators hit Francine with Total Elimination to win the war. But then Jason won’t leave it alone and attacks the Pitbulls with a chair while they’re tending to her, so the Pitbulls kick his ass and toss him out as Francine goes out on a stretcher.
THAT WAS ONE SEGMENT. ONE.
But enough about Francine, let’s talk about Shane Douglas, who left for the WWF and was “awarded” the Intercontinental title (because that’s how titles change hands over there, according to Joey) and now his back is wrecked and he might not be able to wrestle again.
Jimmy Del Ray v. Buh Buh Ray Dudley
Joey has a whole convoluted buildup for this involving Damian Kane trying to recruit Del Ray and Mr. Hughes getting involved, and the upshot is that Del Ray is now bodyguarded by Mr. Hughes. Joey also makes sure to give us his “Del Ray’s partner Zipped out of here and believes he has a Sunny future” line to show how smart he is. Well at least now the joke makes sense. As usual, Buh Buh is unable to say his own name and Del Ray attacks him to start. Buh Buh gets a dropkick and stops to dance, and we’re clipped to Del Ray in control and beating on Dudley in the corner. Buh Buh comes back with a corner splash for two, but he stops to question the count and Del Ray kicks him in the nuts and slams him. We’re clipped again to Buh Buh trying the Bubba Bomb (the original version) but he gets distracted by Hughes and gives it up, and then finishes Del Ray with a DDT at 3:04 shown. If this was what got left in, I can’t imagine how horrendous the full match was. 1 for 2. So then Hughes promises that he has someone to teach Buh Buh how to speak proper English, which of course brings out Shane Douglas. Complete with his cool dad “dress shirt tucked into jeans” look. And of course he makes sure to put himself over and then leaves.
Meanwhile, Rey Mysterio is doing a promo in Spanish, and Dances With Dudley gets all excited because finally someone else can speak his language.
Stevie Richards joins Joey in the ring, and he’s now “Studly” Stevie Richards from now on, because Missy Hyatt is warm for his form. And since he’s so studly and Beulah has been neglected by Raven lately, he’s also claiming a kiss from Beulah. But she freaks out and doesn’t want to be touched for some reason, which is of course crazy talk because who wouldn’t want a hunk of man like Stevie? She reals that she’s pregnant, and Raven storms out and he’s like “What are you, an idiot? The pills say one day at a time, moron!” Beulah reveals that it’s not his baby anyway, at which point Raven clobbers Stevie in a funny gag, and then Beulah reveals that it’s actually Tommy Dreamer’s baby, and Tommy comes out and beats everyone up to begin one of the all time famous angles for the company. Unfortunately they didn’t have, you know, a payoff for it.
And then we get a classic ECW acting moment to end, as Tommy goes to her room at the Philly Travelodge later on, and she tells him “Tommy, I want to FEEL YOUR PAIN!” Do they give Oscars for wrestling TV shows? They really should.
Well the show isn’t boring, you have to give it that.