The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 11.27.93
Taped from Delhi, NY.
This immediately highlights the ongoing issue with Superstars at that point, as the show was competing with RAW in a sense and RAW was live one week and taped for three. So at least you got a couple of hot shows out of the deal on Monday nights for the first two weeks. However, this is the post-PPV show for Superstars, and it comes from a taping on November 10! We’re in the first week of this brand new taping cycle and the show is already two weeks stale and the crowd had sat through the Survivor Series Showdown taping portion already by the time the stuff for the main Superstars taping even started! People were dunking on WCW for taping the Disney stuff way in advance, and fair play because it’s true, but this show was feeling so inessential around this time for similar reasons, and it’s no wonder everyone switched to Monday nights for their wrestling fix soon after.
Your hosts are Vince McMahon and THANK CHRIST Reo Rodgers is already gone as Vince literally says that Reo fell of a horse and the horse rode off into the sunset to bury the character once and for all. One week was too much as it is. So your new co-host is Stan Lane, who honestly makes a better play by play guy but ANYTHING is better than Reo.
The Steiner Brothers v. Steve Smith & Lavern Gill
Scott hits Gill with a dropkick and throws him into the corner, and it’s over to Smith and he gets suplexed around. Rick comes in and plows him with a clothesline and Scott gets another suplex and a butterfly powerbomb and they finish with the elevated bulldog at 2:02. Steiners were fully in cruise control by this point. 0 for 1.
UPDATE! WITH GORILLA MONSOON!
Yes, the rumors are true, there’s a tournament happening in Memphis to crown the brand new WWF Ladies champion, which I’m sure is 100% real and not just made up at all. But Gorilla has more scoops, as he does a phone interview with Owen Hart, introducing him as “the brother of Bret Hart” which is just incredibly disrespectful. Owen thankfully calls him on that shit and points out that he just wants a chance to prove himself, and he expected more leadership from Bret. I’m not sure why they did a phone interview and not just a standard cut-in promo from Owen. Gorilla thinks we should all order the replay of Survivor Series and “focus in” on the Hart match so we can decide if Owen really was at fault. Plus you can see Bushwackers dressed as Doinks as well, so there’s also that.
Razor Ramon v. Mike Khoury
Vince notes that Razor can “mix it up tag team style” or compete in singles, like he’s doing here. He’s a modern day renaissance man! Also Stan questions why a guy named “Razor” always needs a shave. Razor, rocking the magenta this week, slaps Khoury around and hangs him in the corner for a boot before bringing him down with the sack of shit slam and tying him up on the mat. Khoury is CLEARLY tapping but the idiot ref obviously doesn’t watch UFC and lets the match continue. Probably has some stupid excuse like “It’s 1993 and the UFC doesn’t exist yet” or something. Jerk. Backdrop suplex and Razor’s Edge finish at 2:30. 0 for 2.
Face to Face! With Jim Ross!
JR urges us again to order the replay of Survivor Series and then spoils the exciting surprise of the Four Doinks. So why would I order the show, then? The Mystery of the Four Doinks was the only reason anyone dropped money on that show. Anyway, our interview subjects are Bret Hart and Adam Bomb in a completely random pairing that we literally never saw a match to pay off.
Meanwhile, Lex Luger does a PSA where he lets us know…and I can’t even finish typing this sentence because I’m laughing so hard…that we should JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS. LEX LUGER…SAYS DON’T DO DRUGS. Thank you for the laugh, 1993 WWF.
Adam Bomb v. Mike Bucci
So they pull a kid from the audience named JB Yetter to be ring announcer here, and he’s almost as bad as Lillian Garcia when she started, saying that Bucci weighs “220 lebs” and calling Harvey “Harvey Wipplesten”. So I know you’ve been wondering what would happen if an Adam Bomb collided with a Super Nova, and now we know. Bomb misses an elbowdrop and Bucci goes after the arm for some reason, which Stan calls out as being particularly pointless, and Bomb drops him on the top rope and follows with a backdrop suplex. Powerbomb finishes at 1:50. 0 for 3.
Ray Rougeau interviews Santa Claus in our special interview of the week. So he gives some kids a bunch of shitty WWF merch as Christmas presents. Oh wow, a Bret Hart foam finger, thanks Santa, you cheap bastard. What the fuck was the point of this?
Meanwhile, order the 1993 Merchandise Catalog to get stuff people REALLY want. Vince would probably have opened up his own toy shop in the North Pole and tried to put Santa out of business if he could make an additional 10 points on the t-shirt business. Probably wrote a scathing letter to the elf union claiming mistreatment by St. Nick and then did a series of videos about “Billionaire Kringle” trying to put the WWF out of business.
Shawn Michaels v. Dan Dubiel
Shawn, still carrying around the IC title, wants to assure us this is non-title. Dubiel gets a bodypress for two, but Shawn puts him down with a clothesline and slugs away in the corner while Vince is DISGUSTED that Shawn is still chewing his gum while working the match. I wonder if he was chewing gum while banging Sunny in the dressing room years later? Now THAT would be disrespectful. Superkick and piledriver finish at 1:50. It’s weird because this was of course setting up the Shawn v. Razor feud over the IC title with the two belts, but they went ALL around the horn multiple times doing the matches and it seemed like it was burned out completely by the time they got to Wrestlemania. But obviously not. Shawn was still pretty lazy here. 0 for 4.
Doink the Clown v. Sid Garrison
And then another historic moment as this year goes down the drain, as Vince announces that Jack Tunney has declared that there can only be one Doink from now on and no more multiple Doinks. So to replace the other Doinks, Doink introduces his new little person sidekick, Dink. This is a real thing that happened on TV and the actual explanation for that thing, I shit you not. Vince thinks this is the FUNNIEST SHIT EVER, PAL. This had to be killing Matt Borne because it’s just painfully pandering garbage, as they do the standard thing with the midget running around being wacky, and Doink quickly finishes Sid with the Whoopie Cushion at 0:59. This was completely embarrassing to watch as a fan, the kind of shit where it’s clearly just trying to appeal to literal children. Actually with the Santa Claus stuff and kid ring announcer that’s pretty much a theme for the show this week. Wrestling for actual 6 year olds. 0 for 5.
Meanwhile, we get to the educational component of the show, as we learn how to spell some guy’s name and he gets thrown out of a country music talent agency.
Crush v. Paul Jones
Obviously not the much more famous Paul Jones, or the even more famous Led Zeppelin bass player John Paul Jones. In case there was some confusion. Crush with a superkick and he puts the boots to Jones with his martial artistry and follows with a press slam. And the Head Vice finishes at 1:51. 0 for 6.
Face to Face! With Jim Ross!
Pierre is still injured, so Jacques does a solo interview where he puts over the Toronto Blue Jays while Johnny Polo makes duck face at the camera. Speaking of saying no to drugs.
Next week: Marty Jannetty! Diesel! 1-2-3 Kid! Men on a Mission! Ludvig Borga!
And we finish with a “musical reprise” of this week’s happenings.
THIS SHOW…is just SO BAD. And with Vince going through some stuff it’s not getting any better until Wrestlemania.