The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 06.26.21
Live from Jacksonville, FL
Your hosts are Jim Ross, Tony Schiavone & Excalibur
Sammy Guevara joins us to start and gets jumped by Shawn Spears in the parking lot, thus putting Wednesday’s match with MJF in jeopardy.
Powerhouse Hobbs v. Hangman Page
Page is “hotter than a hoochie coochie” according to the graphic, which is what it’s like here in Western Canada this weekend. Hobbs trashtalks him off the lockup and puts him down with a big boot, then works Page over in the corner, but Page returns fire with the boots until Hobbs bails to the floor. Page heads out after him and Hobbs catches him with a cheapshot and works on the arm via the railing. Back in, Hobbs with a suplex and he continues ramming the arm into the mat to work on it. Page slugs back in the corner, but Hobbs runs him into the post and out to the floor as a result. Page fights back and runs Hobbs into the post, but Hangman has managed to bust his own head open again. Back in, more big boots follow and Hobbs lands on the floor, allowing Page to follow with a dive. Back in, moonsault press gets two. Page misses a charge and Hobbs lays him out again and goes up for a diving headbutt, which misses. Page with a lariat for two off that. Hobbs comes back with a crossbody for two, but now Hook and Starks join us with the FTW, which prompts Brian Cage to come out and chase them off while Starks continues claiming a bad neck, and Hobbs hits Page with a spinebuster for two out of that. They trade rolling elbows and Hangman gets a german suplex and Deadeye for the pin at 11:09. Pretty fun hoss fight, although Hobbs seemed to blow up a few times and it took a bit to get going. **1/2
Meanwhile, Jungle Boy reflects on tonight’s title shot against Kenny Omega.
Meanwhile, the Young Bucks put themselves over and abuse Brandon Cutler, ahead of their match against Eddie Kingston & Penta on Wednesday. They’re not even a real tag team!
Tully Blanchard and Grampa Konnan join Tony for a face to face interview. Konnan gets a funny line, noting that FTR are from North Carolina, “where men are men and the sheep are scared” and then declares that he’s like a father to Santana and Ortiz. Then he speaks some Spanish and quips “That’s Spanish, you might want to learn some so you can communicate with your grandkids.” Well his mouth is certainly recovered from all his health problems. Also Tully has job security because Walmart is still hiring greeters. So Konnan brings out Santana and Ortiz, who are suspiciously short and wearing masks, and of course it’s FTR, while Tully reveals that Konnan’s team is laid out in the back. And Konnan takes a spike piledriver to cap off the segment. Really good stuff here, which I don’t say often about Konnan. He must have been saving up those burns on Tully for a while.
Dante Martin v. Matt Sydal
Andrade interrupts the ring introductions, but gets cut off by Sydal and apparently just decides to leave without revealing his huge announcement. Well it couldn’t have been that huge then, I guess. They trade hammerlocks to start and Dante takes him down with a flying mare and springboard dropkick for two. Sydal catches him with a leg lariat for two, however. Sydal works on him with kicks and gets a standing moonsault for two as we take a break. Back with Sydal wrapping him up with a leglock on the mat, but Dante makes the ropes and they slug it out. Dante with a death valley driver for two and he hits an enzuigiri into a moonsault for two. They fight to the top and slug it out, but Matt brings him down and follows with a meteora for two. Dante fights back with a sunset flip for two, and a flipping stunner for two. This kid is bouncing around like a gymnast out there. Dante goes up, but misses a dive and lands on his leg, and Sydal takes him down with the Lightning Spiral and pins him at 9:18. Martin jumping an extra two feet in the air for simple stuff like his sunset flip makes everything look cooler. ***1/2
Meanwhile, Christian Cage offers some advice to Jungle Boy, and he thinks that JB should be angry with Omega, not just happy to be there.
Meanwhile, Jade Cargill is offering 10% off her new shirt on ShopAEW, although XXL is almost sold out because wrestling fans are fat.
Meanwhile, MJF understands why people might be “a smidgeon perturbed” with his team this week, but he can’t understand why people are so upset about him beating up Dean Malenko. It’s his own fault for staying in a dangerous industry! And then Jericho and Hager storm into the backstage area for a brawl that heads to the ring. The Pinnacle gains the advantage because it’s 3-on-2, but Sammy Guevara returns from his beating and makes the save to a giant babyface pop, continuing his path to becoming a top babyface.
Meanwhile, prays to God for strength from attacks from people like Brian Pillman Jr., who does not respect the TNT champion and made a stupid decision attacking him.
Ethan Page v. Bear Bronson
Ethan Page is really growing on me lately with this character. Page pokes the Bear to start and gets beaten down in the corner as a result. Page stops to offer a “ROWR!” in mockery, and Bronson slams him. To be fair, it’s kind of a stupid gimmick. Bronson chases Page to the floor and follows with a dive, but Scorpio pushes his partner out of the way and takes the bullet. And then Page distracts the ref by yelling “He TOUCHED ME!” like a kid in the backseat, and runs Bronson into the railing as we take a break. Back with them slugging it out and Bronson hitting a corner splash and then missing a senton. Bear goes up and Page cuts him off with a superplex, which gets two. Bossman slam from Bronson gets two. Scorpio brawls with the other Bear on the floor, but that allows Ethan to go low and hit an incredible Ego’s Edge on Bronson for the pin at 10:30. This was way too long and went off the rails a few times, but that finish was something to behold. *1/2 Afterwards, Page lets us know that he’s not stupid (Crowd: “Yes you are!”) and he’s gonna be the guy who puts the nail in Darby’s coffin, and challenges him to a coffin match on the July 7 show. Interesting how they’re hyping up stuff for all kinds of different shows well in advance.
Meanwhile, Dr. Britt Baker DMD promises to beat Vickie Guerrero’s ass and send her home with a prescription for pain meds. And Nyla Rose will be challenging for the title on the second night of Fyter Fest, as they continue to hype up future stuff all over the place.
Kris Statlander v. The Bunny
Bunny takes her down and talks some trasuh, but Statlander gets some armdrags and a slam. Kris takes her to the corner for a boop, but she tries a headstand in the corner and Bunny superkicks her to the floor. Bunny dropkicks her into the railing as we take a break. Back with Statlander catching her with a powerslam on the floor, and they slug it out back in the ring. Statlander with a Michinoku Driver for two. Blue Thunder Bomb gets two. Kris goes up and Bunny brings her down with a german suplex for two. Blade takes the ref and slips in brass knucks, but Orange Cassidy steals them and Statlander finishes with the Big Bang Theory at 9:09. Match wasn’t great. ** We do get a funny celebration, as Orange is too lazy to raise his own arm and Kris has to do it for him. And then Evans and Angelico hit the ring for a beatdown on Orange, as Blade reclaims his knucks and lays out Orange.
Meanwhile, QT Marshall complains about nepotism leading up to his strap match with Cody in two weeks.
Meanwhile, Eddie Kingston knows that the only way to really hurt the Young Bucks is to take their tag team titles, and thankfully Alex Abrahantes is back to translate for Eddie’s best friend Penta.
AEW World title: Kenny Omega v. Jungle Boy
Marko Stunt immediately gets himself thrown out of the match for being a moron, but the ref also tosses the Two Yayhoos from Impact to even it up. Kenny wins a lockup battle in the corner and admires Jungle Boy’s hair, but then who doesn’t? JB goes with a wristlock and works the arm, but Kenny grabs the hair to escape and slugs him down in the corner. JB tries to springboard with another wristlock, but Kenny catches him in the fireman’s carry, and JB reverses out to his wristlock takedown again and Kenny bails to the floor. They fight out there and Omega sends him into the apron and we take a break. Back with Kenny beating on Jungle Boy with chops, but an inside cradle gets two. JB with a brainbuster and he fights back with forearms and dropkicks the knee to put Kenny on the floor, and then follows with a pair of topes. Back in for a swinging DDT and another tope to the floor. Back in, JB goes up and Kenny cuts him off with a superplex that gets two. V-Trigger misses and JB superkicks him, but Omega gets another knee and the snapdragon to set up the V-Trigger on a second try. JB escapes the One Winged Angel with a poison rana and clubs Kenny down for two. Kenny fires back with another knee and folds him over with a powerbomb, into another knee strike for two. Another V-Trigger, but JB rolls through into the Snare Trap, at which point the Good Brothers try to run down and Kazarian chases them off. Omega makes the ropes and they slug it out, which ends with Jungle Boy hitting a lariat and then Kenny dropping him with a brainbuster for two. V-Trigger sets up the One Winged Angel, but Jungle Boy reverses for two and then back to the Snare Trap, but Kenny grabs the beautiful hair to break it up this time. JB keeps coming in the corner and they fight to the top, but Kenny necks him on the top rope, follows with a V-Trigger and Tiger Driver, and that gets two. One Winged Angel finishes at 17:20 to end the dream for Jungle Boy. Well it was a hell of a try! ****1/4 Kenny goes for the beatdown afterwards, but Christian saves and then falls victim to the Young Bucks and Matt Hardy for another beatdown to end the night.
Definitely an up and down episode, but the crowd was hot and the show flew by, plus the main event was FIRE. So that’s a big thumbs up from here.