The SmarK Rant for NWA Powerrr – 05.18.21
Bonus rant this morning.
Taped from Atlanta, GA
Your hosts are Joe Galli and Velvet Sky. Tim Storm is on assignment, probably barbecuing in someone’s backyard and making delicious burgers.
BUT FIRST, Kyle Davis reads a statement from William Patrick Corgan, complete with subtitles on the screen, as they point out Nick Aldis and his team leaving the show last week despite being booked in the main event for the tag team titles after they advertised it all show. So, as a result, Adonis & Latimer are no longer #1 contenders, and they’re all fined money that will be donated to charity, and if they don’t show up next week then everyone on the team will be fired and stripped of their titles, including Aldis. Oh damn, he just smashed them like pumpkins! So tonight, a new #1 contender is crowned and they face the tag champions next week.
Hey you know what, I appreciate that they addressed the bait and switch from last week and did something about it in storyline.
Meanwhile, we get an advertisement for the School of Morton, which looks like it was encoded on a RealPlayer in 2001. Also, I can save everyone the trouble of attending the school: Get beat up by the heels and pick out a girl in the front row who looks sympathetic, then mouth “HELP ME” to her while getting kicked in the ribs. Bonus points if you meet up with her after the show and get her pregnant and then skip out of child support. Or wait, was that Marty Jannetty? No she’d have to be related to you I guess.
NWA TV title: The Pope v. Matt Cross
This is Pope’s fourth title defense, so if he can retain here and then three more, he cashes in the title and gets a shot at Nick Aldis. That’s a good idea to give the midcard belts some stakes and also keep the division from getting stale. TNA had a similar idea with Plan C for the X division title for a while but I don’t know if they still do that. They trade wristlocks to start and Cross hits him with forearms, but Pope powerslams him and follows with a rolling suplex for two. Cross comes back with an ushigoroshi for two, and goes up, but he makes the mistake of doing the Kevin Nash framing gimmick and Pope brings him down. Cross puts Pope on the floor with a pump kick and follows with a tope, but he misses a shooting star press back in the ring. That was almost really bad because Pope rolled TOWARDS the corner and Cross almost didn’t have a spot to land. And Pope finishes with the Elijah Express running knee at 5:10 to retain. Felt kind of slow but good enough for government work. It’s so weird how Matt Cross looked like a giant as Son of Havoc in Lucha Underground and now he’s a cruiserweight. 1 for 1.
Meanwhile, Austin Idol wants us to go his wrestling school and learn to be a star. This is really weird to me as a longtime fan, because this morning I was listening to the Observer Radio about Don Kernodle’s death and how the Andersons did the bullshit wrestling thing where they offered to train him and then brutalized him for weeks hoping that he would quit. And now you have hardcore carnies like Austin Idol who are actively ENCOURAGING people to get into the sport and offering to train them without even making them do hours of squats and military-style boot camps first! How are you ever going to create stars if we’re not weeding out the weak like the Spartans did? What’s next, telling people that it’s fake BEFORE they work their first match? PSHAW. FOOFERAW. I NEVER.
Aron Stevens & Kratos v. Fred Rosser & Marshe Rockett
Stevens & Kratos are NWA tag champions but this is non-title. So Rosser is “Mr. No Days Off” and Rockett is “All Day Long”, so I guess together they should be Convenience Store because apparently they’re open 24 hours a day when combined. They double-team Stevens and work the arm to start while the announcers note that they’re a good match because they have similar styles and builds. You mean they’re both BLACK? Take your hate elsewhere, haters! Also Rosser is in way better shape than Rockett so I’m not even sure that it’s accurate to say they have similar builds anyway. Stevens escapes the armbars but Kratos doesn’t want the tag, and then finally tags in reluctantly and puts Rosser in an abdominal stretch. He wants a tag from Stevens and now Aron won’t tag because that would be CHEATING, and they argue about that as Rosser gets a tag to Rockett. Stevens gets a short DDT on Rockett for two, but Rockett dropkicks him while Kratos yanks Rosser off the apron and sends him into the post, which would be more behavior that new babyface Stevens doesn’t approve of. He hits Rockett with the discus forearm anyway and pins him at 5:34 while beaking at Kratos. And Kratos goes over to put the boots to Rosser on the way out. 1 for 2.
Meanwhile, Melina and Taryn Terrell continue bitching at each other on behalf of their charges. Taryn’s really funny in her mean girl role and someone should give her a gimmick where she parodies one of the various fundamentalist right wing Karens to go all the way with it. I think she’d be really great yelling about how conservative voices are being silenced while doing interviews on national cable shows and pushing a book on Amazon.
Thunder Rosa v. Jennacide
Rosa rolls her up to start and throws leg kicks, but Jenna grabs her and gets an Oklahoma Stampede for two. She goes for a powerbomb and Rosa reverses her into the corner and kicks the leg out again before stomping a mudhole and then hitting a running dropkick to the knee for two. Jenna takes her down in a crossface, which is apparently called the J6000, but Jenna rolls her over for two and switches to an anklelock before adding the leg scissors and tapping her out at 4:00. Nice little MMA themed story here. 2 for 3.
Tyrus and Austin Idol join us at the desk, and Tyrus announces his entrance into the 14 man battle royale for the shot at Nick Aldis. And Idol is even thinking of entering the match himself and showing off his 20 inch guns! Nah, he’s just ribbing us.
So next week is the battle royale according to the graphic, which is the last Powerrr before “When Our Shadows Fall”. I should point out that they have never mentioned this particular PPV show before, and we have no matches or even a main event for it.
#1 Contender match: The End v. Crimson & Jax Dane
The End are the odd Road Warrior/God of War fusion team from a couple of weeks back. Everyone brawls to start and Odinson pounds on Crimson in the corner, but he comes back with a suplex and Odinson gets trapped in the War Kings corner. Dane with a clothesline as Galli declares it a “hoss fight”, which is funny to hear from a wrestling announcer. Parrow gets a hot tag, however, and Odinson gives his own partner a death valley driver onto Crimson for two and then drops a knee on him for two. Crimson fights back with a dropkick on Parrow and Dane comes in with a samoan drop on Odinson, then follows with a snap suplex into Crimson’s flying elbow for two. But then the ref changes his mind and decides it was three, and the match is over at 5:06, even though the replay clearly shows he kicked out. That was weird. So the tag team title match will be between the two teams who actively breaking up, I guess. This didn’t really work for me. 2 for 4.
Definitely a very skippable hit-or-miss show this week. But at least it’s always short and flies by.