The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 05.19.21
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Taped from Jacksonville, FL
Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Excalibur & Jim Ross
Christian Cage v. Matt Sydal
Christian grabs a headlock and takes Sydal down for one, but Sydal switches to his own and they work off that. Snapmare gets two for Sydal. They fight for the lockup and Christian smacks him, but Sydal gets a rana and then Christian blocks a quebrada and dropkicks Sydal to the floor. Back in, that gets two. Backbreaker gets two. Christian goes up with an uppercut off the middle rope for two and stays on the back with another backbreaker. Sydal fights back and goes to the top with the double knees for two and gets a discus lariat for two. Matt with a broncobuster of sorts, and that gets two. Cage counters Sydal’s finisher with another backbreaker, but Sydal takes him down with a crossface. Christian makes the ropes and snaps Sydal’s neck, but he goes up and misses a bodypress, then recovers with a spear for two. He sets up to finish but Sydal hits him with a high knee and rolls into a senton, but Christian gets the knees up to block and finishes with the Killswitch at 9:20. Solid opener. ***1/4 Taz talks some shit from the announce table, and Ricky Starks makes a rather surprising appearance considering his neck issues, and brings out Brian Cage and Will Hobbs for the beatdown on the babyfaces. And Hangman Page comes out and gives Starks his drink, then proceeds to make the save and beats on Cage before falling victim to a powerbomb. And then Starks finishes the drink. What a dick move. But I feel like we’re getting tantalizingly close to finally getting that Hangman Page & Christian Cage v. Ethan Page & Brian Cage tag team match.
Meanwhile, the Varsity Blonds talk about Brian Pillman, and Brian Jr. says that his father didn’t inspire him to join the business, but rather quite the opposite. Also they’ve got Julia Hart with them now, which makes sense.
Meanwhile, Moxley & Kingston explain the Acclaimed. One’s the rapper, the other one is the rapper’s friend. Also, what’s involved in a superkick party?
Meanwhile, the Acclaimed are offended by Moxley and his goofy friend from the bodega invading their division.
Eddie Kingston & Jon Moxley v. The Acclaimed
Thankfully they’ve upgraded Moxley’s music from the Troggs’ original version of Wild Thing to X’s version. Max Caster’s rap insinuates that Renee Young would like some “oral sessions” from him (Bowens: “WHAT? She just wants us to be on the podcast!”) and unsurprisingly Moxley is a bit offended by that and attacks him in the corner. Kingston and Moxley, who I shall dub Kingsley, double-team Caster and Kingston gets a delayed suplex on him. They take turns beating on Caster and Kingston goes to the middle rope, but Caster brings him down with a dragon screw and we take a break. Back with Bowens wrapping up Kingston in a leglock, but Eddie fights them off and makes the hot tag to Moxley. Release german on Caster and a piledriver follows, then he puts a sleeper on Bowens to get rid of him. Bowens manages to tag himself back in and the Acclaimed team up for a Rockerplex on Moxley, and that gets two. Bowens escapes the Death Rider and Moxley gets another sleeper, but Caster breaks it up and sends Moxley into the railing this time. So Bowens gets the chain, which distracts the ref, but that allows Caster to grab the boombox. But Moxley breaks that up, and Kingsley finishes with a double-team Paradigm Shift at 11:07. This was a weird style clash but it was fine. **1/2
Meanwhile, Dean Malenko chats with Chris Jericho, and we learn that Chris still has 4 more moves. What an awesome callback.
Ethan Page & Scorpio Sky join Tony in the ring to talk some shit about Sting and Darby Allin, and that of course brings the face-painted duo out for some revenge and a Scorpion Deathlock on Scorpio, and the heels run away. Page remains a weird signing for AEW as he’s really not doing anything of note and seemed like he was in a better spot in Impact.
Meanwhile, the Pinnacle sits down for a nice dinner and MJF cuts a promo on Chris Jericho, and then Shawn Spears freaks out and beats up a waiter.
Rebel (not Reba) v. Hikaru Shida
Rebel immediately claims a knee injury but of course she’s lying, so Shida works on the leg anyway. And then Shida puts on a glove and teases a Lockaw, but Britt freaks out and takes the ref, allowing Rebel to use the crutch for two. But then Shida takes out the knee again and Rebel taps at 2:00. This was pretty bad. DUD
Meanwhile, Kenny and Don chat with Orange Cassidy and offer him a chance to give up his main event spot and have a match with Kenny later, down the road, some other time. Because he’s injured. Sadly, he does not accept the generous offer and tears up the legal document.
The Inner Circle joins us to respond to the Pinnacle, and yeah, they’re mad as hell and accepting the challenge for Stadium Stampede and they will be dancing on graves and pissing on faces, or vice-versa.
Meanwhile, Jade Cargill still hasn’t chosen a manager, but Mark the Lawyer interrupts again making his pitch.
NWA Women’s title: Serena Deeb v. Red Velvet
Deeb goes right after Velvet and beats on her with forearms, stirring it up if you will, and hits a neckbreaker for two. She goes for the finish and Velvet escapes, but Deeb elbows her down. They slug it out in the corner and Velvet chokes her out, but makes the mistake of stirring it up too much and Deeb takes her down with a dragon screw as we take a break. Back with Velvet getting a quebrada for two, but she kind of staggers into the corner like she’s trouble running the ropes for some reason, and they fight to the floor. Back in, Velvet gets a high kick for two, but misses a pump kick and Deeb tries to finish her. Velvet reverses to a rollup for two, however. Velvet goes up with a moonsault and hits the knees, and Deeb gets a powerbomb for two. She wraps up Velvet in a Tequila Sunrise and then switches to a half-crab, but Velvet won’t tap and reverses to an inside cradle for two. So Deeb clips the knee again, goes back to the submission hold, and taps her out at 9:29. They were showing some good fire here but Velvet obviously had no chance. ***
Meanwhile, Pac cuts a promo on the “elitist pricks”.
Austin Gunn v. Anthony Ogogo
Ogogo is THE GUV’NOR now. Man, now they need to bring Vinnie Jones or Jason Statham in to second him. Gunn uses his speed for about 30 seconds, but Ogogo uses the GUT PUNCH OF DEATH to put him down, then waits for Gunn to get up and puts him right back down again, complete with Gunn spitting blood onto Ogogo on the way down. Nice touch. Gunn won’t stay down, so Ogogo throws him in the air and punches his lights out on the way down for the stoppage at 2:20. Complete destruction here. But then they do the US v. UK flag nonsense with Cody FIGHTING FOR AMURICA again, which is absolutely not needed and is just dragging the feud down. It’s an international show, that dog don’t hunt in 2021.
Meanwhile, Chris Daniels has mysterious words for Kazarian and walks away, leaving Kaz to be a single again.
Miro joins us and he’s got your Darby Allin RIGHT HERE, but next week he’ll defend the belt in an open challenge, but Lance Archer interrupts and he’s going to make Miro his Bulgarian Bitch. So Miro promises that there’s not enough yoga in the world to save Jake if he interferes.
Next week on Friday Night Dynamite: A whole bunch of stuff that doesn’t sound like I need to stay up and watch it!
AEW World tag team titles: The Young Bucks v. The Varsity Blonds
Poor Brandon Cutler is left to sweep up the streamers for the Bucks. Griff puts Nick down with a big boot and the Blonds double-team Matt and then chase the Bucks with a double dropkick. Nick trips on the ropes on the way in a funny throwaway spot and gets clotheslined to the floor again, while Pillman works the arm on Matt. Griff comes in with a slam, but Pillman slingshots in with a senton and misses. Matt throws him over the top to the ramp and Nick walks the ropes “like he’s Don Jardine or something” and dives onto Pillman with a double stomp, although Callis corrects Excalibur that he’s more like Don Leo Jonathan. We take a break and return with Pillman hitting a crossbody out of the corner and Griff gets the hot tag and runs wild. He splashes both Bucks in the corner and hits them with a double spear, then the Bucks bail and Griff hits them with a dive. Back in, Air Pillman gets two for Griff. The Bucks cut off the powerbomb finisher, however, and Matt hits Pillman with a superplex and the Bucks beat on him with kicks. Pillman fights back with a superkick on Nick for two. Matt rolls him into the Sharpshooter and Cutler takes the ref, allowing Nick to spray the cold stuff in Pillman’s face. And then he sprays Julia as well, but Pillman rolls him up for two. Matt goes back to the Sharpshooter and Pillman taps at 11:38. This wasn’t exactly the Bucks carrying Private Party to a classic or anything. **1/2 And then Moxley and Kingston attack afterwards and they both choke out a Buck to end the show and STEAL THE SHOES. And socks. And now they get a title shot as well.
And we get the hard sell for the PPV as they run down the card to wrap things up.
A lot of times they have weak cards going into these taped shows and suddenly pull off a banger. This wasn’t one of those times. This was just a show.