PRIME TIME Thursday Thread: April 29, 2021

“Good evening, wrestling fans, and welcome to the Thursday tradition of Prime Time.”

“You sure we’re remaining on Thursdays? I hear the boss just bought the rights to stream hockey on the site.”

“He did not!”

“Then what is he doing with all the money he gets from Florida?”

“Don’t start, Brain! Folks, tonight on Impact Wrestling we will hear from their new World Champion, Kenny Omega, as he now holds two of the five biggest titles a man can hold in this sport in the United States.”

“Impact’s that far up on the list? I thought that belt was less prestigious than the one you get for eating 1100 hot dogs in an hour on the Fourth.”

“Are you really comparing wrestling to eating hot dogs?”

“Why not? They’re both things you do all the time!”

“I’ll have you taken out of here if you keep this up. Also, folks, Ace Austin is cashing in his rematch and will be attempting to regain the X Division Title from Josh Alexander. Plus, we’ll see the return of Taylor Wilde as she goes one on one with Kimber Lee.”

“Hey, Monsoon, when was the last time we saw Taylor?”

“It’s been… wow, I think about ten years, Brain.”

“You mean to tell me she lived for ten years off of her sunglasses money?”

“You don’t have a clue! Folks, this weekend marks a very big deal in the Northeast as the ECWA Super 8 is ready to kick off once again. This year’s combatants include such dignitaries as Killian McMurphy, Matt Makowski, and Ricky Morton!”

“…c’mon, Monsoon, why would a wrestler take the name Ricky Morton? Doesn’t he know that’s reserved for the legend?”

“Brain… the person in the tournament IS the legend.”

“No way — what, is he going to be able to use his wheelchair as a foreign object?”

“Brain, the former Rock and Roll Express superstar is reportedly in good shape and ready to give this event a try!”

“That seems like an awful idea — but then again, no one called HIM the Brain, did they?”

“They did not. Folks, we also with to draw your attention to a special cause. Brian Aldhizer, known in the Southeast as Lance Lude of the Ugly Ducklings, is currently recovering from surgery to remove colon cancer. Tomorrow night, in Burlington NC, if you’re able to attend there will be a special tribute card to raise money for him. We also request that you look into giving to helping him get back on his feet remotely if you’re able to do so.”

“Cancer’s no joke, Monsoon. It hit you hard, it hit me hard. The last thing I want is for more people to get hit hard by it. Brian, you’re one of the good ones in this business. I hope you can come back stronger than ever. And folks, help him out if you can.”

“What about you, Bobby? Are you going to contribute?”

“I’d love to, but I left my wallet at home.”

“…you’re a piece of work. Folks, with the preliminaries out of the way, let’s go to our feature bout tonight: Ethan Page of All Elite Wrestling faces Lucha Underground sensation, the Son of Havoc, Matt Cross!”

(Hey, just stepping in here. Brian/Lance is someone I have worked with multiple times in the wrestling business. He and his crew were always among the first to check in on how everyone was doing, and he’d go out of his way to ask me, a lowly crew guy, if I was having a good day before the show. On top of this, there’s a more personal connection as one of my trainers, Jason, used to team with Lance about 10 years ago at Ring of Honor house shows and other events in the area. Lance has been a highlight of every show I’ve worked, and I sincerely hope that we can help him rehab from this. I can’t wait for the show to drop on IWTV — it will not be live, sadly — so that I can give more publicity to helping this wonderful guy.)

And with that out of the way, bring the insanity.